Here are two things we are very tired of typing about, every day: Will teevee’s Chris Matthews run for the American Senate? And, Did dancey boy David Gregory officially get dead Tim Russert’s job on Meet the Press? The final (?) answers: No he won’t, and Yes he did. [Gawker/Baltimore Sun]

MSNBC blabbermouth Chris Matthews has been running around Washington and Philadelphia like a horny debutante, meeting with fancy Democrats and buying Pennsylvania real estate so that (maybe, possibly, allegedly) he could run for the Senate in 2010. His opponent would be Arlen Specter, a venerable Republican who has been a senator for nearly 30 years, a man who had CANCER, for God’s sake, and still showed up to WORK, without any hair. Will Chris Matthews be that awesome to the people of Pennsylvania? MORE »

There is an ENTIRE WORLD you are apparently missing if you don’t sit at home all day watching the daytime teevee programs. For Example: There is a show called Ellen which consists of political personalities such as Barack Obama and Chris Matthews doing a retarded dance. Then there are commercials, probably for weight-loss schemes or super-big toilets. [YouTube]

Necktie-free boozebag Christopher Hitchens does not like the idea of Hillary Clinton getting her grubby little paws all over America’s foreign policy. Meanwhile, Peter Beinart just shouts and shouts. Why so shouty, Peter? Be sure to watch till the end, when Hitchens’ hair wanders off his scalp and crawls away looking for a cheeseburger. [MSNBC]

Oh look it is your MSNBC friend Chris Matthews, with that dude Craig Ferguson who is very funny but we are asleep (drunk) by then. Matthews is talking about what it felt like to rape Michele Bachmann to death. “Squishy,” he says. “Precious bodily fluids.” Yuck. [Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson]

This is painful: Chris Matthews spends nine minutes trying to get a straight answer out of McCain spokeslady Nancy Pfotenhauer — she of “Real Virginia” fame. And Nancy makes a fool of herself, because the only other option is to say, “Yes, Chris, for fuck’s sake, we all know Palin’s an idiot, so can we move on? Is it Election Day yet? Can I have my cocktail now?” [YouTube/DailyKos]

Here’s your video of wacky Michele Bachmann on the Chris Matthews show, talkin’ bout libruls. Barack Obama is anti-American! Nancy Pelosi! Harry Reid! All liberal anti-Americans and yet they are RUNNING AMERICA. Not good! Not a good situation at all. Around 6:30 in this seven-minute clip is when she suggests the media perform a Witch Hunt to determine which members of Congress are “pro-America” and “anti-America.” [YouTube]

• ABOUT DAMN TIME: Wonkette sickling operative “Ben” writes in shock that fetus harvesting Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is on Hardball and “just told Chris Matthews that there should be an investigative report of all members of Congress to determine who among them is anti-American.” Well what’s the problem, BEN? SCARED?

• LIVE HARDBALL ON MSNBC: CNN just went to a repeat of the Palin-Biden debate, which is good to see if you were, say, maniacally liveblogging during the actual event. But Crazy Chris Matthews is live at the university in St. Louis.

Due to not watching much teevee your Wonkette editors were generally spared the spectacular series of meltdowns Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann enjoyed during the conventions, but we understand it was pretty nuts: catty hand gestures and bickering like old lesbians and finally Keith Olbermann refusing to go to St. Paul for fear he would be “assassinated.” Now we can all breathe a sigh of relief because they will not be anchoring the debates or election night for MSNBC. MORE »

Two weeks before Sarah Palin will talk to anyone. It’s like cramming for the LSAT in two weeks, except in this case, the LSAT is “the entirety of foreign and domestic United States policy,” which has nothing to do with The Law. [YouTube]