Tag Archives: chris matthews

  sworn enemies

Chris Matthews Was Put On This Earth To Torment Bobby Jindal

Aha, so indeed it was Chris Matthews who said “oh god” as Bobby Jindal came out to deliver his prepubescent speech from the Plantation Manor. This wasn’t so hard to predict since (a) Chris Matthews has no filter mechanism and (b) he was already LOSING HIS MIND over the very concept of Bobby Jindal earlier in the evening’s programming. Ha ha why does Tweety have such vociferous hatred for Gov. Piyush “Bobby” Jindal already? He’s just some random guy. [YouTube] Read more on Chris Matthews Was Put On This Earth To Torment Bobby Jindal…
  withdrawals

Nobody Famous Wants To Run For Senate

Back before Larry Craig ruined it for everyone, being a senator was cool. You got to hang out with famous Washington hookers and drink single-malt scotch in smoky underground caves with Helen Thomas! But now the Senate is just a disgraceful purgatory for closeted homosexuals who are too young to retire and too old to go on “Dancing with the Stars.” Plus, as Al Franken has discovered, there’s all that hassle associated with getting elected, or, as Caroline Kennedy/Roland Burris/your mom can attest, the hassle of getting appointed. That’s why it appears that two fairly famous people who had sort of hinted at a Senate run will probably not run after all. Read more on Nobody Famous Wants To Run For Senate…
  rumors on the internets

Gifted Linguist Karl Rove Will Expose “Unreceiving” [Sic] Bush Staffers

Karl Rove’s forthcoming Kunstlerroman, An American Wife, will identify everyone who was “unreceiving” [sic] of Bush’s agenda, thus ensuring that it will the longest book ever published. [CNN Political Ticker] Harry Reid has excommunicated Joe Biden from Senate lunch dates, except on special occasions. [Kevin Drum] Read more on Gifted Linguist Karl Rove Will Expose “Unreceiving” [Sic] Bush Staffers…
  circus of the stars

Latest Crucial MSNBC Anchor News Update!

Here are two things we are very tired of typing about, every day: Will teevee’s Chris Matthews run for the American Senate? And, Did dancey boy David Gregory officially get dead Tim Russert’s job on Meet the Press? The final (?) answers: No he won’t, and Yes he did. [Gawker/Baltimore Sun] Read more on Latest Crucial MSNBC Anchor News Update!…
  yellow-haired monsters

Chris Matthews Mulling Senate Run, Or Raise, Or Something

MSNBC blabbermouth Chris Matthews has been running around Washington and Philadelphia like a horny debutante, meeting with fancy Democrats and buying Pennsylvania real estate so that (maybe, possibly, allegedly) he could run for the Senate in 2010. His opponent would be Arlen Specter, a venerable Republican who has been a senator for nearly 30 years, a man who had CANCER, for God’s sake, and still showed up to WORK, without any hair. Will Chris Matthews be that awesome to the people of Pennsylvania? Read more on Chris Matthews Mulling Senate Run, Or Raise, Or Something…
  friday is teevee time!

Chris Matthews Returns To Daytime TeeVee Show After Sex Assault of Lesbian Hostess

There is an ENTIRE WORLD you are apparently missing if you don’t sit at home all day watching the daytime teevee programs. For Example: There is a show called Ellen which consists of political personalities such as Barack Obama and Chris Matthews doing a retarded dance. Then there are commercials, probably for weight-loss schemes or super-big toilets. [YouTube] Read more on Chris Matthews Returns To Daytime TeeVee Show After Sex Assault of Lesbian Hostess…
  he hates henry kissinger so much

Christopher Hitchens Doesn’t Like Clinton For SecState

Necktie-free boozebag Christopher Hitchens does not like the idea of Hillary Clinton getting her grubby little paws all over America’s foreign policy. Meanwhile, Peter Beinart just shouts and shouts. Why so shouty, Peter? Be sure to watch till the end, when Hitchens’ hair wanders off his scalp and crawls away looking for a cheeseburger. [MSNBC] Read more on Christopher Hitchens Doesn’t Like Clinton For SecState…
  in the tank

It’s Chris Matthews, Being Weird, On Late Night TV

Oh look it is your MSNBC friend Chris Matthews, with that dude Craig Ferguson who is very funny but we are asleep (drunk) by then. Matthews is talking about what it felt like to rape Michele Bachmann to death. “Squishy,” he says. “Precious bodily fluids.” Yuck. [Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson] Read more on It’s Chris Matthews, Being Weird, On Late Night TV…
  in what respect charlie?

Can the McCain Campaign Explain Palin’s Bizarre Veep Ideas? (No)

This is painful: Chris Matthews spends nine minutes trying to get a straight answer out of McCain spokeslady Nancy Pfotenhauer — she of “Real Virginia” fame. And Nancy makes a fool of herself, because the only other option is to say, “Yes, Chris, for fuck’s sake, we all know Palin’s an idiot, so can we move on? Is it Election Day yet? Can I have my cocktail now?” [YouTube/DailyKos] Read more on Can the McCain Campaign Explain Palin’s Bizarre Veep Ideas? (No)…
  dinguses

Michele Bachmann Rightfully Concerned About Liberals Hating America

Here’s your video of wacky Michele Bachmann on the Chris Matthews show, talkin’ bout libruls. Barack Obama is anti-American! Nancy Pelosi! Harry Reid! All liberal anti-Americans and yet they are RUNNING AMERICA. Not good! Not a good situation at all. Around 6:30 in this seven-minute clip is when she suggests the media perform a Witch Hunt to determine which members of Congress are “pro-America” and “anti-America.” [YouTube] Read more on Michele Bachmann Rightfully Concerned About Liberals Hating America…
  mccarthyism is phun

ABOUT DAMN TIME: Wonkette sickling operative “Ben” writes in shock that fetus harvesting Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is on Hardball and “just told Chris Matthews that there should be an investigative report of all members of Congress to determine who among them is anti-American.” Well what’s the problem, BEN? SCARED? Read more on …
  teevee forever

LIVE HARDBALL ON MSNBC: CNN just went to a repeat of the Palin-Biden debate, which is good to see if you were, say, maniacally liveblogging during the actual event. But Crazy Chris Matthews is live at the university in St. Louis. Read more on …
  drama queens

Olbermann and Matthews’ Reign Of Terror At MSNBC Finally Over

Due to not watching much teevee your Wonkette editors were generally spared the spectacular series of meltdowns Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann enjoyed during the conventions, but we understand it was pretty nuts: catty hand gestures and bickering like old lesbians and finally Keith Olbermann refusing to go to St. Paul for fear he would be “assassinated.” Now we can all breathe a sigh of relief because they will not be anchoring the debates or election night for MSNBC. Read more on Olbermann and Matthews’ Reign Of Terror At MSNBC Finally Over…
  angry leftists

MSNBC Commentators Appalled At Palin Vetting Process (Except Pat Buchanan)

Enh, what the hell. Here is a YouTube of Chris Matthews’s show in Charlie Brown’s Outdoor Park in Minneapolis: a fitting place for Chris Matthews, because his head is exactly the size and shape of Charlie Brown’s (large, spherical). Norah O’Donnell looks, zoiks, sort of indignant! Rachel Maddow makes terrible feedbacks on her microphone! Pat Buchanan is exasperated! Gene Robinson wonders where the other bodies are buried! We are going back to bed for two hours or so, good night/morning. [MSNBC via YouTube] Read more on MSNBC Commentators Appalled At Palin Vetting Process (Except Pat Buchanan)…
  purple nurples

Matthews, Olbermann To Kill Each Other With Catty Hand Gestures

Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews, of MSNBC, do not like each other or each other’s families, at all. And so here was this thing, yesterday, where Matthews snapped at Olbermann on teevee when they should have been asking important Rep. Steny Hoyer what he thinks about some arbitrary Clinton bullshit. They are working at a train station and no one knows why. [YouTube] Read more on Matthews, Olbermann To Kill Each Other With Catty Hand Gestures…
  sports anchors

Keith Olbermann Once Dated A Terrible Person!

We have read this elitist New Yorker profile of your annoying loudmouth boyfriend Keith Olbermann and, like most profiles of MSNBC personalities, it confirms everything you learned about current MSNBC dynamics during the first five minutes of its Iowa caucus coverage. Read more on Keith Olbermann Once Dated A Terrible Person!…
 

Why Is Pat Buchanan So Angry These Days, Anyway?

Tonight we have the 750th and 751st primaries in the 2008 Democratic nominating contest, in Kentucky and Oregon. This means we’ll probably be watching MSNBC for a good portion of the night because (a) Chris Matthews is such a stitch and (b) Chuck Todd, he so dreamy! Hillary will likely be declared the winner of Kentucky as soon as polls close, we’ll get an earful of mindless chatter about Obama’s continuing problems courting Bitters, Chuck Todd and Rachel Maddow and Eugene Robinson will note that Obama’s likely victory in Oregon will neutralize Hillary’s Kentucky delegate pickups, Tim Russert will declare that we have just reached some historical turning point in Math, Matthews will pull down his pants, Nora O’Donnell will be shown from the front only because she is pregnant, Dan Abrams will appear at 1 a.m. with no tie on, the end. Most importantly, Pat Buchanan will spasm uncontrollably all night long — he’s been doing it more and more recently — over Obama’s fatal flaws. Why, exactly, has Pat been even more of a nut recently on the teevee? It’s simple enough: Barack Obama is threatening to undo his life’s work. Read more on Why Is Pat Buchanan So Angry These Days, Anyway?…
 

Biggest Moron On Earth Makes For Delicious ‘Hardball’ Comedy

We have seen some “chatter” about the second-straight brilliant episode of Hardball today, and hot damn, this is some seven-diamond comedy here. Matthews is interviewing Republican radio host “Kevin James,” who screams in some white-trash voice about Obama being an appeaser for a couple minutes, before — around 4:00 into the clip — Matthews annihilates him, calls him “pathetic,” says “you don’t know anything,” and does this for several minutes. Nice work. Do it again tomorrow! [MSNBC] Read more on Biggest Moron On Earth Makes For Delicious ‘Hardball’ Comedy…
 

Obama Speaks: Liveblogging the PA Primary, Part Phive

Oh hey, it’s Barack Obama, speaking, on the TeeVee, from Indiana, about the results in Pennsylvania. Let’s liveblog this bitch, shall we? 10:46 PM — Obama comes out smiling and happy, saying “I love you back” to a gal screaming “I Lurve You,” and thanking John Cougar Mellencamp … well this must be Indiana! Read more on Obama Speaks: Liveblogging the PA Primary, Part Phive…
 

Hillsylvania Strangler: Liveblogging PA, Part Phour

Well, that happened just like pretty much everybody said it would happen, and Hillary’s once-proud 20% lead is down to a more “manageable” 9%, at the moment, for Mr. Hopeful Obama. As our Jim Newell and Liz Glover roam Hillary’s headquarters looking for either “victory sex” or at least free drinks — or, at the very least, a functional wireless signal from the lady who wants to run the world — let’s keep track of the blather on cable news and the Internets. More importantly, let’s keep drinking and leaving weird comments. Read more on Hillsylvania Strangler: Liveblogging PA, Part Phour…