Tag Archives: chris matthews

  people watch cable news for information

Whoa Hey, Dick Cheney Guest-Hosted ‘Hardball’

Chris Matthews, he’s goin’ nuts. Meh. Most of the “issues” on this laundry list are trivial, gossipy tabloid fodder. The only Serious policy item would have to be, in Tweety’s words, “Why DID he bow to that Japanese emperor?” It’s unclear which of the Japanese emperors he’s referring to. [YouTube] Read more on Whoa Hey, Dick Cheney Guest-Hosted ‘Hardball’…
  ostensibly about foreign policy

Frank Gaffney Knew Ronald Reagan, Sir, And Ronald Reagan Would HATE This Other Ron Reagan

A TAWDRY WORDFIGHT erupted yesterday on the Chris Matthews program between Frank Gaffney, some shouty, mid-level hawk, and Ronald Reagan’s son, Ron Reagan. “Do you want the Taliban to be Afghanistan’s government?? Taliban, Ron,” Gaffney screams at Reagan, who’s like, “…” Then Reagan essentially tells Frank Gaffney that he and all his stupid arguments are red herrings, like red herrings in a barrel that you shoot easily. And then, THEN, Gaffney’s all, “Your father must hate you so hard from beyond the grave.” This displeases Ron Reagan so! [TPM] Read more on Frank Gaffney Knew Ronald Reagan, Sir, And Ronald Reagan Would HATE This Other Ron Reagan…
  omfg

Watergate Criminal/Birther G. Gordon Liddy Almost Dies On TeeVee

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy We’re in a weird time, folks, a very weird time. Here, psychotic near-dead Watergate burglar G. Gordon Liddy rasps and mumbles as a pretty pissed-off Chris Matthews tries to drag this particular racist night worm of pathetic American thought into the light. Good fucking god, we are really on a cliff here. Read more on Watergate Criminal/Birther G. Gordon Liddy Almost Dies On TeeVee…
  chicago breaking news!

FITZGERALD GOING NUTS AGAIN: Breaking news from Chicago! According to the Chicago Breaking News Center, “The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Chicago said it will hold a press conference at 2 p.m. today to announce public corruption charges. Sources say it is expected to be an indictment of an elected official.” Is it Roland Burris, after Chris Matthews was racist to him for a while? But he was never elected! In that case, “meh.” [Chicago Breaking News] Read more on …
  enhanced interrogation techniques

Chris Matthews Spends An Eternity Badgering Roland Burris On ‘Hardball’

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy A wise man once said, “Do not watch television. It will only make you sad and empty.” And here is proof: 20 agonizing minutes of Chris Matthews shouting at Roland Burris, who tries to explain why that stuff he said on that FBI wiretap doesn’t prove that he was involved in any tomfoolery with Rod Blagojevich to snag his Senate appointment. It just kind of goes on and on in that fashion and just when you think it will end Matthews says, “OK Senator I like you, I think you’re a good guy, I’m going to give you one more chance to explain yourself” and that’s when you know you’re in for another eternity of torture. Why couldn’t Roland Burris have gotten involved in something fun and interesting, like a hooker scandal? [MSNBC] Read more on Chris Matthews Spends An Eternity Badgering Roland Burris On ‘Hardball’…
  rumors on the weekend talk shows

Jindal To Run For Senate in 2010?

Bobby Jindal was supposed to be elected President in 2012 after America realized what a goofball Barack Obama was, spending money on volcano research and other pointless endeavors while a budget hawk like Jindal waited in the wings ready to swoop in with hot money-saving tips. But now Jindal’s, and indeed America’s, dreams may be put on hold while Jindal runs for Senate instead. Read more on Jindal To Run For Senate in 2010?…
  tweety

Chris Matthews Explains ‘Oh God’ Comment: It Looked Like A Plantation

Chris Matthews is such a patriot for making America laugh last night before the speech from Bobby Jindal, his Enemy. After ranting about how much he hates Jindal earlier in the night, he “whispered” a comically audible “oh god” as Jindal was walking towards his podium. Chris Matthews is famous for coming from working-class Pennsylvania, so the best rationale for his hatred is probably nativism, especially towards Indians, who sneak into the country to steal medical doctor jobs from the poorest Americans. Nevertheless, Matthews plans to address the “slip” on Hardball tonight (or is it already on? We don’t watch cable news), and an NBC spokesman has offered a quick preview. His explanation centers on some stupid, nonsensical slavery jokes we made last night while mindlessly liveblogging — but he is serious! Read more on Chris Matthews Explains ‘Oh God’ Comment: It Looked Like A Plantation…
  sworn enemies

Chris Matthews Was Put On This Earth To Torment Bobby Jindal

Aha, so indeed it was Chris Matthews who said “oh god” as Bobby Jindal came out to deliver his prepubescent speech from the Plantation Manor. This wasn’t so hard to predict since (a) Chris Matthews has no filter mechanism and (b) he was already LOSING HIS MIND over the very concept of Bobby Jindal earlier in the evening’s programming. Ha ha why does Tweety have such vociferous hatred for Gov. Piyush “Bobby” Jindal already? He’s just some random guy. [YouTube] Read more on Chris Matthews Was Put On This Earth To Torment Bobby Jindal…
  withdrawals

Nobody Famous Wants To Run For Senate

Back before Larry Craig ruined it for everyone, being a senator was cool. You got to hang out with famous Washington hookers and drink single-malt scotch in smoky underground caves with Helen Thomas! But now the Senate is just a disgraceful purgatory for closeted homosexuals who are too young to retire and too old to go on “Dancing with the Stars.” Plus, as Al Franken has discovered, there’s all that hassle associated with getting elected, or, as Caroline Kennedy/Roland Burris/your mom can attest, the hassle of getting appointed. That’s why it appears that two fairly famous people who had sort of hinted at a Senate run will probably not run after all. Read more on Nobody Famous Wants To Run For Senate…
  rumors on the internets

Gifted Linguist Karl Rove Will Expose “Unreceiving” [Sic] Bush Staffers

Karl Rove’s forthcoming Kunstlerroman, An American Wife, will identify everyone who was “unreceiving” [sic] of Bush’s agenda, thus ensuring that it will the longest book ever published. [CNN Political Ticker] Harry Reid has excommunicated Joe Biden from Senate lunch dates, except on special occasions. [Kevin Drum] Read more on Gifted Linguist Karl Rove Will Expose “Unreceiving” [Sic] Bush Staffers…
  circus of the stars

Latest Crucial MSNBC Anchor News Update!

Here are two things we are very tired of typing about, every day: Will teevee’s Chris Matthews run for the American Senate? And, Did dancey boy David Gregory officially get dead Tim Russert’s job on Meet the Press? The final (?) answers: No he won’t, and Yes he did. [Gawker/Baltimore Sun] Read more on Latest Crucial MSNBC Anchor News Update!…
  yellow-haired monsters

Chris Matthews Mulling Senate Run, Or Raise, Or Something

MSNBC blabbermouth Chris Matthews has been running around Washington and Philadelphia like a horny debutante, meeting with fancy Democrats and buying Pennsylvania real estate so that (maybe, possibly, allegedly) he could run for the Senate in 2010. His opponent would be Arlen Specter, a venerable Republican who has been a senator for nearly 30 years, a man who had CANCER, for God’s sake, and still showed up to WORK, without any hair. Will Chris Matthews be that awesome to the people of Pennsylvania? Read more on Chris Matthews Mulling Senate Run, Or Raise, Or Something…
  friday is teevee time!

Chris Matthews Returns To Daytime TeeVee Show After Sex Assault of Lesbian Hostess

There is an ENTIRE WORLD you are apparently missing if you don’t sit at home all day watching the daytime teevee programs. For Example: There is a show called Ellen which consists of political personalities such as Barack Obama and Chris Matthews doing a retarded dance. Then there are commercials, probably for weight-loss schemes or super-big toilets. [YouTube] Read more on Chris Matthews Returns To Daytime TeeVee Show After Sex Assault of Lesbian Hostess…
  he hates henry kissinger so much

Christopher Hitchens Doesn’t Like Clinton For SecState

Necktie-free boozebag Christopher Hitchens does not like the idea of Hillary Clinton getting her grubby little paws all over America’s foreign policy. Meanwhile, Peter Beinart just shouts and shouts. Why so shouty, Peter? Be sure to watch till the end, when Hitchens’ hair wanders off his scalp and crawls away looking for a cheeseburger. [MSNBC] Read more on Christopher Hitchens Doesn’t Like Clinton For SecState…
  in the tank

It’s Chris Matthews, Being Weird, On Late Night TV

Oh look it is your MSNBC friend Chris Matthews, with that dude Craig Ferguson who is very funny but we are asleep (drunk) by then. Matthews is talking about what it felt like to rape Michele Bachmann to death. “Squishy,” he says. “Precious bodily fluids.” Yuck. [Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson] Read more on It’s Chris Matthews, Being Weird, On Late Night TV…