Chris Matthews, he’s goin’ nuts. Meh. Most of the “issues” on this laundry list are trivial, gossipy tabloid fodder. The only Serious policy item would have to be, in Tweety’s words, “Why DID he bow to that Japanese emperor?” It’s unclear which of the Japanese emperors he’s referring to. [YouTube]

A TAWDRY WORDFIGHT erupted yesterday on the Chris Matthews program between Frank Gaffney, some shouty, mid-level hawk, and Ronald Reagan’s son, Ron Reagan. “Do you want the Taliban to be Afghanistan’s government?? Taliban, Ron,” Gaffney screams at Reagan, who’s like, “…” Then Reagan essentially tells Frank Gaffney that he and all his stupid arguments are red herrings, like red herrings in a barrel that you shoot easily. And then, THEN, Gaffney’s all, “Your father must hate you so hard from beyond the grave.” This displeases Ron Reagan so! [TPM]

We’re in a weird time, folks, a very weird time. Here, psychotic near-dead Watergate burglar G. Gordon Liddy rasps and mumbles as a pretty pissed-off Chris Matthews tries to drag this particular racist night worm of pathetic American thought into the light. Good fucking god, we are really on a cliff here.

• FITZGERALD GOING NUTS AGAIN: Breaking news from Chicago! According to the Chicago Breaking News Center, “The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Chicago said it will hold a press conference at 2 p.m. today to announce public corruption charges. Sources say it is expected to be an indictment of an elected official.” Is it Roland Burris, after Chris Matthews was racist to him for a while? But he was never elected! In that case, “meh.” [Chicago Breaking News]

A wise man once said, “Do not watch television. It will only make you sad and empty.” And here is proof: 20 agonizing minutes of Chris Matthews shouting at Roland Burris, who tries to explain why that stuff he said on that FBI wiretap doesn’t prove that he was involved in any tomfoolery with Rod Blagojevich to snag his Senate appointment. It just kind of goes on and on in that fashion and just when you think it will end Matthews says, “OK Senator I like you, I think you’re a good guy, I’m going to give you one more chance to explain yourself” and that’s when you know you’re in for another eternity of torture. Why couldn’t Roland Burris have gotten involved in something fun and interesting, like a hooker scandal? [MSNBC]

Bobby Jindal was supposed to be elected President in 2012 after America realized what a goofball Barack Obama was, spending money on volcano research and other pointless endeavors while a budget hawk like Jindal waited in the wings ready to swoop in with hot money-saving tips. But now Jindal’s, and indeed America’s, dreams may be put on hold while Jindal runs for Senate instead. MORE »

Chris Matthews is such a patriot for making America laugh last night before the speech from Bobby Jindal, his Enemy. After ranting about how much he hates Jindal earlier in the night, he “whispered” a comically audible “oh god” as Jindal was walking towards his podium. Chris Matthews is famous for coming from working-class Pennsylvania, so the best rationale for his hatred is probably nativism, especially towards Indians, who sneak into the country to steal medical doctor jobs from the poorest Americans. Nevertheless, Matthews plans to address the “slip” on Hardball tonight (or is it already on? We don’t watch cable news), and an NBC spokesman has offered a quick preview. His explanation centers on some stupid, nonsensical slavery jokes we made last night while mindlessly liveblogging — but he is serious! MORE »

Aha, so indeed it was Chris Matthews who said “oh god” as Bobby Jindal came out to deliver his prepubescent speech from the Plantation Manor. This wasn’t so hard to predict since (a) Chris Matthews has no filter mechanism and (b) he was already LOSING HIS MIND over the very concept of Bobby Jindal earlier in the evening’s programming. Ha ha why does Tweety have such vociferous hatred for Gov. Piyush “Bobby” Jindal already? He’s just some random guy. [YouTube]

Oh here’s something that’s starting in about, uh, an hour. RUN! MORE »

Back before Larry Craig ruined it for everyone, being a senator was cool. You got to hang out with famous Washington hookers and drink single-malt scotch in smoky underground caves with Helen Thomas! But now the Senate is just a disgraceful purgatory for closeted homosexuals who are too young to retire and too old to go on “Dancing with the Stars.” Plus, as Al Franken has discovered, there’s all that hassle associated with getting elected, or, as Caroline Kennedy/Roland Burris/your mom can attest, the hassle of getting appointed. That’s why it appears that two fairly famous people who had sort of hinted at a Senate run will probably not run after all. MORE »

• Karl Rove’s forthcoming Kunstlerroman, An American Wife, will identify everyone who was “unreceiving” [sic] of Bush’s agenda, thus ensuring that it will the longest book ever published. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Harry Reid has excommunicated Joe Biden from Senate lunch dates, except on special occasions. [Kevin Drum]
• Sam Zell, the Chicago Cubs-owning publisher of the Chicago Tribune and the Los Angeles Times has filed for bankruptcy. [AMERICAblog]
• Pennsylvania Democrats want screamy, inexplicably televised manchild Chris Matthews to replace Arlen Specter as Senator. [Marc Ambinder]
• The least talked-about feud in history rages on as Newt Gingrich and Bill O’Reilly continue to antagonize Hendrik Hertzberg. [HuffPost]