chris coons
More Democrats Squeamish About Trying To Win Presidential Election
If you thought that the full chorus of national voices in the Democratic party might have no problem with — and in fact would embrace, not merely for political reasons but also because they believe it and consider it central to whatever remains of their ideological foundaiton — the long-promised assault on the practice of [...]
Don’t Tell Us You May Actually Elect Christine O’Donnell, Delaware
“Coons Camp Expresses Turnout Worries.” “Delaware Dems claim GOP intimidation by O’Donnell backers, worry over turnout.” OH C’MON, YOU GUYS. Don’t tell us this could actually happen. We refuse to believe Americans can actually elect this person to high federal office. Yes, these are Americans we are talking about, but give us a break. So [...]
Democrats Deny Existence Of Human-Mouse Hybrid Monsters
Election Day is coming soon (not soon enough though, we hate it!), and everyone has run out of money to spend — everyone except for the Republicans, that is. The Democrats are so poor and destitute that they are now intimidating voters with rogue armies of illegal Mexicans! But wait, it looks like Chris Coons [...]
Also, Christine O’Donnell Has No Idea Who Is In the U.S. Senate
Oh, the Democrat in the U.S. Senate Christine O’Donnell would work well with would be Hillary Clinton! That’s very interesting. You see, Christine O’Donnell somehow knows she will be allowed on the Committee on Foreign Relations. This would certainly be a smart move by the Republican leadership, putting all their insular Teabagging troglodytes on that [...]
Christine O’Donnell Shocks Delaware By Not Knowing First Amendment
Staying true to her background as a character from a 1990s teevee show, Christine O’Donnell was in her state today talking about teaching creationism in schools, because she wants children to have the math and science skills to get jobs in that emerging Jesus Science industry. Chris Coons was here too, doing the old “exasperated [...]
Liveblogging Christine O’Donnell’s Big Witchy Jerk-Off Debate
Did Tolkien ever depict a Senate debate in any of those Lord of the Rings books? Probably not, right? Because every character is too busy being Catholic and feminist? Yeah. So there is literally nothing to guide Christine O’Donnell in her big debate tonight. That’s okay, because she’s you, and you generally spend this time [...]
Christine O’Donnell’s Debating Tonight? Sure, We’ll Liveblog That
This should be entertaining: Christine O’Donnell is debating her opponent Chris Coons tonight on national teevee. Why does Chris Coons see the need to debate her? He doesn’t. He just knows that his poll numbers get better every time she opens her mouth. Speaking of her opening her mouth, will Christine O’Donnell be asked questions [...]
Christine O’Donnell Releases Self-Parody ‘I Didn’t Go To Yale’ Video
Christine O’Donnell caused widespread panic and nearly crashed every stock market when she announced, “I’m YOU!” Everyone who heard this horrific claim immediately went to their local Walmart and bought fifty-pound sacks of rat poison and Crayola sparkle markers, so that their suicide notes would look pretty. However, after some serious fact-checking it turns out [...]
Oxford Wannabe Christine O’Donnell Opposed To ‘Yale Values,’ On Twitter
While it’s true the Ivy League is nothing more than a sleepaway camp that churns out future war criminals, this is almost completely unrelated to the simple fact that Christine O’Donnell has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about in the above; she does not even have a vague, distant idea floating gracefully in a [...]
DEMOCRATS WILL RUN A CANDIDATE IN DELAWARE: What’s his name? “New Castle County Executive Chris Coons made it official today: He’s challenging Congressman Mike Castle for the open U.S. Senate seat long held by Vice President Joe Biden.” Eh, there goes the black vote. [Wilmington News Journal]
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