Here is a photograph of New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine’s greatest accomplishment in the last four years, when he crashed his car. Between his two runs, Jon Corzine has spent approximately $700 million of his own money trying to win one of the least desirable jobs in politics: the guy who has to raise taxes on a populace of constipated slobs who can’t even pump their own gas, by law. Will he luck out and lose tonight to the very fat Chris Christie? The television will tell us. MORE »

The publicly fat Chris Christie, a licensed lawyer, saw zero problem with taking a Monty Python sketch essentially in its entirety, editing in some choice Jon Corzine-is-awful-themed WordArt on the bottom of the screen, and airing it on national television without clearing it by the Monty Python people. Now Terry Jones and Michael Palin are making fun of Chris Christie for being such an idiot, which is infinitely more amusing than whenever Corzine bitchily alludes to Christie’s deep-fried inadequacies. MORE »

Holy baloney, the “2009 Elections” are in less than a week! QUICK BRIEFING: Bloomberg will win, McDonnell will win, New Jersey is a toss-up, the end. The only issue that matters in the New Jersey governor’s race right now is about how astonishingly fat Republican candidate Chris Christie is and whether his insatiable, non-stop search for food will ever get so dire that he resorts to eating New Jersey children, en masse, from a Frito’s bag. His opponent Jon Corzine has been suggesting this as a possibility, and has risen in polls accordingly. Chris Christie is very sensitive about this, so he challenged Corzine to an honesty contest this morning on whatever new thing Don Imus is hosting. MORE »

The — THE — most important and objectively true and super necessary ironclad rule in Washington Politics is that if someone powerful tries in any way to help a fellow human win something but then that fellow human ends up losing for whatever reason, the powerful person is ergo very very weak and disgraceful and had better resign out of humiliation. David Broder himself etched this rule into the original Bible. And so Barack Obama will campaign for Gov. Jon Corzine in New Jersey, where the race is deadlocked, but only record a a dinky phone message or two (at least for now) in Virginia for Creigh Deeds, who is going to lose. MORE »

JON CORZINE IS TAKING “NEW JERSEY” SO LITERALLY: “Asked directly if he thought [Chris] Christie was fat, Corzine touched his bare head, smiled and said, ‘Am I bald?’” By default Jon Corzine is now automatically governor of eighth grade and certain parts of the South Shore of Long Island. [Ben Smith]

Sarah Palin was once elected Governor of Alaska! This is like winning the Nobel Prize in Mattering. So as you can see, this Sarah Palin politics expert knows a thing or two about elections and winning them, mmhmm! It is so fortunate then, that she offered to campaign for Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie to help them out in Virginia and New Jersey, respectively. Except neither one is taking her up on her generous goodwill PR stunt! Meg Stapleton, beta version of a human being, GO: “The governor offered her assistance with both races. The ball is in their court.” It’s like Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie don’t even care about the Going Rogue book sales. [POLITICO]

Oh, how we are looking forward to the midterm elections! They’re the most fun: dozens of close races where we couldn’t care less about who wins, each defined by some hilarious racist remark or decades-old hotel affair or nutty family member. OR — as is the case in this rare 2009 election, for New Jersey governor — weight. “Political experts” monitoring the race between Jon Corzine and Republican Chris Christie have been wondering for a while now whether Christie’s campaign will sink under his massive massive super-fat insanely obese body. The Fats have rarely done well in elections — it’s true! — at least in the modern era, when male fatness stopped being a symbol of wealth and power and Land. So, is Corzine playing the “fat card” against his fat opponent, in his new ad? MORE »