Wednesday, June 3: Potbelly Sandwich Works recently made a lot of confusing changes to the menu. The sandwiches got bigger, smaller and skinnier, and when this happened, we knew that it was just the beginning. Ever determined to baffle with their loyal patrons, Potbelly’s now sells Zapp’s “soon to be world famous chips.” Why do they think we’ll enjoy chips that have yet to reach their potential? WHY??? MORE »

All the coolest fake actors love John McCain! Erik Estrada, the guy who played Ponch on the beloved American cop show CHiPs, will be hosting a big fundraiser for the Republican candidate. CHiPs was very popular in the late nineteen hundred and seventies, when every American female had to declare her sworn allegiance to either the dark and mysterious Francis “Ponch” Poncherello or “Jon,” the guy who looked like John Denver. Ponch devotees were summarily deported to Iran, whereas fans of Jon were told that their guy was pretty boring. MORE »

Also, please don’t fuck him.

Earlier:: Win a Very Boring Date With Bill