Tag: chipotle

Chipotle Facing Federal Investigation For Spreading The Mega-Poops

Guess which Tex-Mex food chain just got served a heaping dollop of federal grand jury subpoena, for making all of America sick with an outbreak of norovirus.  If the words "Chipotle" and "outbreak" sound familiar to you in conjunction, it's...

Precious White People Losing Their Damn Minds Over GMO Salmon

SOMEONE SAID "GMO," GET THE CAGE-FREE ORGANIC PITCHFORKS! For those who missed it, earlier this month, the FDA approved the sale of GMO salmon for the first time, after a company called AquaBounty came up with a way to allow...
Ugh.

Mike Huckabee: Syrian Refugees Are Just Like That Time I Ate The Bad Squirrel Meat

Long before the Paris attacks happened, Mike Huckabee, presidential candidate and sometimes conjugal visit sex lover of Kim Davis (ALLEGEDLY!), had already won the blue ribbon for "most ignorant, stupid, hateful thing ever said about the Syrian refugees." Huck was...
One dipshit, two dipshit, three dipshit ...

Fox & Friends: Hillary Clinton Can’t Talk Southern, She Only Lived In Arkansas 18 Years!

Let's Make A Stupid about Hillary Clinton, with the cast of teevee's Fox & Friends. You see, Wednesday, Hillary Clinton spoke in South Carolina, and not only did she make a joke about how her hair won't go white in...
History's Greatest Monster, 2016 Edition

Prepare Madame Guillotine: Hillary Clinton Did Not Tip At Fast-Food Restaurant Chipotle Exclamation Point

It is far too early in the 2016 presidential election cycle to officially declare this is the stupidest story we are going to see, but hot damn, it'll probably still be a strong contender by Election Day. As we know...
This non-story just got even MORE non-storied

Fox News: Hungover Hillary Ate At Chipotle To Woo The Spanishes, Newsflash!

Hillary Clinton did a thing, and that thing is eating! Scandal, zomg, Drudge siren, congressional investigations, subpoenas, impeach, KILL US NOW. On Fox News, the "Outnumbered" ladies and the designated Dude o' The Day had themselves a great laugh about...

Gay-Homo Gun-Grabbing Enviro-Pussy Burrito-Makers ‘Chipotle’ Being Communists Again :(

Sorry, CHIPOTLE. We bet you think you're real "cool" with your big phallic Gay Pride burritos and your fairy-pansy-literary bullshit on your bags, but Ben Shapiro's TRUTHREVOLT is here to lay the SMACKDOWN: you are a bunch of communists,...

President’s Last Liberal Supporters Flee After He Reaches Over Chipotle Tuberculosis Guard

Some time ago, Melissa Harris-Perry was pretty mad at all the white liberals for racistly abandoning President Obama, with racism, probably because she forgot we all did the same thing to Bill Clinton. (Don't act like you didn't vote...

Open Carry Gun Humpers Prevail Over NRA, Are Gunniest Nuttiest Humpiest Of All

We are having one hell of a time keeping up with this internecine gun group warfare. It all started Monday, when the grandaddy of all gun-humpers, the NRA, asked some of the open carry folks to please chill because...

Chipotle Unfair To Gun-Humpers! Boycott Chipotle!

Oh, golly, folks, looks like another gun-grabbing freedom-hating libertysquisher corporation is trying to Take Away Our Right To Self Protection! After a group of those cheerful souls from Open Carry Tarrant County -- the same charmers that scared the...

Delete That Crotch Shot Before You Get Famous

This morning, let's play some games on egalitarianism, read up on libertarian symbols such as soda, and learn how to tweet. Happy Friday! Mayor Bloomberg wants to take away New Yorkers' giant sodas -- nothing over 16 oz. It's already...

Cereal, Wine, Burritos and Excuses To Indulge

Thursday, December 10: The Washington Post may be shutting down bureaus and upping its price (ha ha, it's dying), BUT it's still hosting happy hours. The Post's Gurus host their monthly Going Out Guide Happy Hour tomorrow from 6PM-8PM...

Edible Flowers, Birthdays and Your Childhood Are What’s Really Important

Today through Saturday, July 26: A squash blossom is an edible flower, and, as all edible flowers deserve specials festivals, Oyamel is hosting one in the squash blossom's honor. In celebration, there will be small plates featuring the...

Wonk’d: The Supremes, Gods Among Men