Every human with a brain clearly understands that the best way to “deal with North Korea” at this point or really any point is to nuke Kim Jong Il in the butt, kill all of its civilians (children first, because what do they know?), donate the women to Wall Street banks which can use them as reserves against further drops in mortgage-backed securities, e-mail Texas’ oil to North Korean aquifers so that it might be drilled up, for profit, Establish Free Markets of dildo retail chains, and what else, oh right, let American colonizers vote for shit periodically. This is the respectable centrist opinion, and the government is ready to just run with it once it gets maybe 2 or 3 more specific details about how to actually carry out the invasion of this country. Fortunately, for them, a Pajamas Media columnist has UMM ALREADY DONE THIS? MORE »

Here is a rather low-budget rip of “war correspondent” Michele Bachmann crying with Sean Hannity over how everyone makes fun of her for raising issues that literally do not exist. The actual elected Congressional legislator has judiciously spent her time introducing a constitutional amendment “to prohibit the President from entering into a treaty or other international agreement that would provide for the United States to adopt as legal tender in the United States a currency issued by an entity other than the United States,” because she thinks the United States is trying to replace the dollar. Again: she thinks the United States is trying to replace the dollar, as its currency. MORE »

Remember the other day when China said, “Hmm, maybe we want a global reserve currency that isn’t the dollar, as America’s compulsive overborrowing will most certainly lead to hyperinflation, which would suck for us”? This caused our favorite Bush-groping crazed baby-farming Minnesota representative, Michele Bachmann, to propose legislation banning the replacement of the dollar with any other currency … in the United States. MORE »

Once upon a time when people played poker and they came across somebody who lost very large and predictable amounts at the table, other players would say, “I’d like to get you on a slow boat to China,” so that this loser could continue to shed large amounts of cash for a long period of time. You see how this all relates to the prolonged and expensive death of the McCain campaign? Good. MORE »

• When Obama was the nine-year-old boy-king of the Terrorists, in the 60s, he personally gave the order for Bill Ayers to nuke McCain’s best friend’s living room. [Top of the Ticket]
• 100% of the Maverick’s dumb teevee commercials are negative. Only 1/3 of Obama’s are negative. [Marc Ambinder]
• Palin rambles off all the prepositions she knows in addition to the phrase “New York Times” as her response to the question of why Obama’s first marriage to Bill Ayers has anything to do with anything. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Hooray the White House is pink, for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Sarah Palin wants to remind you that Obama is still black. [DC Examiner]
• McCain set fire to John Edwards’ father’s mill, which Americans have been using for centuries to sew the patriotism into flags. And then he shipped that burnt husk of a mill to China, just because he can. [Ben Smith]

Wonkette tipster “Joe,” a FORMER Washington Mutual account holder, writes: “So I went to check my account and saw this. Apparently the Chinese who now own my account can’t bear to watch either.” YOU RACIST, but close enough! FEEL THE WHOO HOO!

• OH, UH …. “Chinese regulators have told domestic banks to stop interbank lending to U.S. financial institutions to prevent possible losses during the financial crisis.” [REUTERS]

While George W. Bush begged us to go along with Henry Paulson’s plan to print $700 billion worth of Treasury bills to sell to the Chinese in a tragic attempt to somewhat delay our Greatest Depression and final decline as a nation, China itself has been, you know, doing stuff. MORE »

America’s Princess of Light, Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan, has adopted a somber tone for today’s edition of “Declarations.” While sipping on a petite tumbler of butterscotch liqueur and eating pasty crumpets, Noonan writes about how the financial crisis has shown how terribly inept either candidate would be at fixing America’s problems, because neither of them is Zeus or Jesus — basically, how can we expect anything from a president who lacks even a modicum of magical powers, such as mind control or laser-gun eyes? It’s one of those Peggington Noonington columns we love: you disagree with so many obnoxious points along the way, but she manages to end on a few staggering notes that kill you, headlong, right into the weekend. MORE »

Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs, the two largest independent investment banks to not have been brutally murdered yet, are… moderately fucked? Both companies’ stock prices have been dropping a solid 10-20% each of the last few days, but supposedly that will curtail when people calm the fuck down. WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN, which is why Morgan Stanley will now be sold to the Chinese government for two crusty dildos and a pack of Luckies. MORE »

Here’s some lady named Tammany Hall on the teevee, making fun of the Chinese. Tiki Barber and the other gal are like, “who is this idiot?” The best part is at :11 when one of the two ladies makes this weird noise for no reason. [YouTube]