Tag Archives: children’s treasury

  This Is The Worst Cruz I've Ever Been On

All Your Excited Reactions To Ted Cruz’s Big Presidential Jesus Announcement

These Rand Paul supporters were excited to be in the front row
Ted Cruz is ready to take America down the Jesus Road to national salvation, and some people are more excited about that than others. On the one hand, you have your Tea Party Nation, which declares Cruz “the only electable Republican” because he’s very smart and is “not handcuffed with the consultant class” that has kept Real Conservatives from winning the GOP nomination, and hence the presidency. And then there are fans of other candidates, like the Liberty University students in the photo above, who wore their “Stand With Rand” t-shirts for Rand Paul and made a point of sitting in the front row. Read more on All Your Excited Reactions To Ted Cruz’s Big Presidential Jesus Announcement…
  We Don't Interrupt This Program...

Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!

Now it's a few hundred, and still nothin' on.
Update/new development: Yr. Wonkette is psychic once again! (see end of post) Barry Bamz is going to single-handedly overthrow the rule of law tonight, but the teevee networks have decided not to carry the speech, because come on, it’s only a presidential speech, and those are lame. Or maybe they’re too partisan, according to some guy who writes a really overheated column at Politico: Read more on Today’s Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama’s Immigration Speech (1. He’s Black) Updated!…
  Countdown To Imspeechment

A Children’s Treasury Of Preemptive Hissy Fits On Obama’s Immigration Speech

Real wrath of God type stuff
We hear that the president’s giving a speech tonight — not that the broadcast teevee networks will bother carrying it — and while the full details of the executive action aren’t out yet, Republicans know it’s pretty bad. Here are just a few of the Psychic Predictions of disaster they’re floating: Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Preemptive Hissy Fits On Obama’s Immigration Speech…
  Twitter is Awful

A Children’s Treasury of Syphilitic Dicks Tweeting About Ferguson

How are these guys so afraid of Al Sharpton?
If you’ve never looked at the #tcot (Top Conservatives on Twitter) hashtag, congratulations, you have lower blood pressure than we do. This is a hashtag that will make you yearn for the sweet release of a tack hammer to the temple. Because we love you, we’ve compiled some of our favorite #tcot Hot Takez about Ferguson, The Blacks, and Obummer’s lawlessness. Read at your own risk. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Syphilitic Dicks Tweeting About Ferguson…
  Fore More Years!

A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball

Golf is dumb
Barack Obama: golfing President, or golfing TYRANT!? That’s the hot question from the Top Conservatives on Twitter today, after Instagram user larrydoh found one of Obama’s errant shots in the woods at Congressional Country Club and then ‘grammed it for the world to see. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball…
  twit fits

A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Hobby Lobby Decision

We’re all still reeling over the awful Hobby Lobby decision today, but thank heavens, some of our great thinkers have already weighed in. For instance, Rick Santorum is positively frothy over the decision, even to the point of losing his prepositions: SCOTUS restored a vital piece our Constitution today [sic]. It’s a great day for all Americans! We didn’t actually notice a part of Our Constitution that said, “Hey, go ahead and tell your employees how they’re supposed to do sex,” but we’ll admit we haven’t read Rick Santorum’s copy. More Big Thoughts ahead! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Hobby Lobby Decision…
  gop adhd

A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Capture Of That Top Benghazi Suspect

So you might think that this would be something that wingnuts would be happy about: U.S. Special Forces have captured Ahmed Abu Khattala, one of the suspected ringleaders of the attack on the American diplomatic compound in Benghazi. He was captured in a raid in Libya and will be brought to the United States for trial on terrorism charges. But actually, they have a lot of mixed feels, man. On the one hand, it’s probably a good thing. On the other hand, isn’t there something awfully suspicious about the fact that Barack Obama, who didn’t care about the 4 Americans Killed at Benghazi, has all of a sudden gone and captured Khattala? What’s the real story, anyway? Is this just a big distraction from the Bergdahl deal? Just what the hell is Obama up to??? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Capture Of That Top Benghazi Suspect…
  society is to blame: arrest them

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders

We’ve now entered the exciting “place blame on people you don’t like” phase of the coverage of the shootings in Isla Vista last Friday, where bloggers, teevee news panelists, and other luminaries present their instant diagnoses of the culture-war issues truly to blame for the actions of a disturbed person with a several guns and a carload of ammunition. Here are just a few of the stupidest explanations of What It All Means (and yes, we have a feeling this will be Part One of many). Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Bloviating About The Isla Vista Murders…
  postcard from idiot america

A Children’s Treasury Of Sober, Thoughtful Reflections On The 2014 Fort Hood Shootings

A terrible thing happened yesterday at Fort Hood in Killeen, Texas, and at this point, we don’t know much about the murderer, Ivan Lopez, except that he was an Iraq vet, was being treated for depression and anxiety, and was being evaluated for possible PTSD.  Those very limited details became available a few hours after the shootings. It didn’t take that long for other ideas to make their way into social media, however, like this charming thought from rightwing angerbucket Pat Dollard, who used to write for the Breitbart family of fine websites, posted shortly after news of the shootings broke, and after Dollard had posted three tweets about the shootings: To our knowledge, Lopez is not one of the infamous Islamabad Lopezes with whom we’re all familiar. But is that any reason not to call for “slaughtering Muslims in the streets”? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Sober, Thoughtful Reflections On The 2014 Fort Hood Shootings…
  stupidity anywhere is a threat to our brains everywhere

A Children’s Treasury Of Conservative Heroes Thinking Hard About Martin Luther King

Happy Martin Luther King Junior Day, everybody! If you are a normal person and not a terrible grasping morass of stupid like some internet conservatives, you’ve probably spent the day thus far one of three ways: (1) sleeping off your hangover because you treated Sunday like a Saturday; (2) having to work and being angry about it; (3) honoring the spirit of MLK in a day of service. What you are probably NOT doing is taking to the internet to yellsplain at people how MLK was too a conservative Republican and probably is going to come back from the dead just to hate Obama. It’s OK that you haven’t made time for that, though, because there is a whole team of deep thinkers who have got you covered. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Conservative Heroes Thinking Hard About Martin Luther King…
  wonket confidential

A Children’s Treasury Of Barack Obama Getting His Socialism All Over Terry McAuliffe

It was a clear, crisp fall morning in Virginia as we made our way to Washington-Lee High School in Arlington for Terry McAuliffe’s first and only campaign appearance with President Obama. On the corner of Stafford and Washington, we encountered the midpoint of an already massive line for entry, which ran around the corner along the outside of the football stadium. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Barack Obama Getting His Socialism All Over Terry McAuliffe…
  these shooty times in which we live

A Children’s Treasury Of Measured, Thoughtful Reactions To The Navy Yard Shootings

We are wondering if maybe we could just work up a template for these mass-shooting stories, where we could have blanks to fill in with the location, shooter’s name, number of victims, and so on. And then we could also just plug in the idiotic things said about them within the first 24 hours while we’re at it. For that matter, we could pretty much guarantee the first slot would always go to The Gateway Pundit, because even though Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, is ill (and we wish him a speedy recovery), he’s got the Stupidest Guest Bloggers on the Internet to fill in for him. For instance, within hours of the first reports of shooting, and well before any information on the gunman’s identity had been released, Andrew Marcus reminded readers that Ayman al-Zawahiri recently “called for renewed attacks on American soil.” Once the shooter was identified as Aaron Alexis, an African-American with no apparent ties to Islam, the post was not updated, because he could still turn out to be Muslim, like the president is. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Measured, Thoughtful Reactions To The Navy Yard Shootings…
  Back To You Sarah ... Sarah?

Grift On, Grizzly Grammaw: Sarah Palin Returns To Fox News

Exciting boob toob newz! Sarah Palin will be rejoining Fox News as a “contributor!” Weirdly, the Vanilla from Wasilla, O.G. Sno B. Grifta has done nothing to make us laugh, cringe, weep, sigh, or howl at the moon THAT WE KNOW OF in the roughly one day since the network made the announcement. Patience is counseled. She has never let us down before. Others, yes, she has let down, with her constant quitting and losing. But she loves us, because we talk about her on the internet. But we do not talk about her adorable babies, unless they are dancing on the teevee or copping budz in a parking lot (allegedly?) If you are having trouble remembering who is this Sasha Fallon lady, let us remind you: Read more on Grift On, Grizzly Grammaw: Sarah Palin Returns To Fox News…
  Spotlight on Civility

A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor

Say, did you notice that Joe Biden was just a little interrupty in the VP Debate? We are given to understand that Old Handsome Joe’s performance made a bit of a stir among some of the more sensitive souls on the right side of the political spectrum. (You see, when a Republican puts on an angry threat display, it proves his “alpha male” status. When a Dem does something similar, it is the end of civility as we know it, and poo must be flung.) The Wingosphere is experiencing such a tsunami of tsuris over Mean Joe that we can only skim the surface in this post; no doubt we will miss some of your personal favorites. So it goes. Let’s see whose delicate sensibilities have been ruffled by the Veep-Hulk: Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor…
  also: brainz

A Children’s Treasury Of Communist Wisconsin Zombies Mobbing Their Prey, Gov. Scott Walker

Wonkette Operative “obfuscator2″ sends us this thrilling account of rabid Wisconsin Union Thugz being unacceptably Radical, with their “peaceably assembling.” Hello, you vile leftists! This photo was taken a few hours ago outside the Abraham Lincoln Hotel in Springfield, Illinois (EVERYTHING in Springfield is named after honest abe. Except for the gay bars, ironically). Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Communist Wisconsin Zombies Mobbing Their Prey, Gov. Scott Walker… Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Communist Wisconsin Zombies Mobbing Their Prey, Gov. Scott Walker…