Tag Archives: children’s treasuries

  god forbid they re-examine their beliefs

A Children’s Treasury of Brand-New Birther Theories To Explain Eveything

Hey, everybody found America’s First Dentist Orly Taitz. “In those days nobody wrote African as a race, it just wasn’t one of the options. It sounds like it would be written today, in the age of political correctness, and not in 1961 when they wrote white or Asian or ‘Negro,'” she said. Aha! So even though Obama’s father was distinguished in society as a foreign African rather than an American Negro, birth certificates were blind to these differences. Sure. Birthers are very creative! President Obama finally gave them the one thing for which they asked, and to avoid just finally shutting up, they refuse to accept it. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Brand-New Birther Theories To Explain Eveything…
  trinkets of the death of american civilization

A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Stupidity: the Final Chapter

Today was probably our last day at CPAC, an awful concentration camp of concentrated awfulness. But every winding Ron Paul book-signing line has to end somewhere, and we’re sure these folks are glad to be rid of us too. So here’s the last account of this crap, starring George Allen, Pam Geller, and a Joe Biden sex toy. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Stupidity: the Final Chapter…
  letters from iwo jima

A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Crap, Vol. 2

Above, your editor tries his hand at using a real revolutionary-era copper dicking pot this kindly Teabagger was carrying around his belt. Unfortunately, this man was the only one who got the memo about it being Halloween, but in case our government finally turns back the clock to whenever this (albeit probably incorrect and anachronistic) costume was in fashion, he’ll be ready. CPAC is great. Really great. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of CPAC Crap, Vol. 2…
  the kids don't stand a chance

A Children’s Treasury of ‘GZ Mosk’ Activists Against Justin Bieber

Remember when those people opposed to the “Ground Zero Mosk” embarrassed our country over the summer, and then the international news media moved on? They didn’t, apparently, and now they have come to the next front in their epic battle to bring xenophobia to New York City: finding famous people who supported the right of Muslims to have that community center built, and boycotting them. Enemy number 1, according to their Facebook profile image: Justin Bieber. Now, according to Salon, Justin Bieber never actually said anything about the “mosk,” and the source seems to be a story on a fake news site. But that’s not important. What’s important is these people vacillating on Facebook between wanting Bieber dead and deciding to pray for him and Canada, that they too may one day hate Muslims. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of ‘GZ Mosk’ Activists Against Justin Bieber…
  festival of dim lights

A Children’s Treasury of Sarah Palin Facebook Commenters On Hanukkah

Sarah Palin has wished all American Jews a happy Hanukkah on Facebook, because all good Christians know being nice to Jews, despite them being wrong about Jesus, is how you earn special been-nice-to-Jews coupons you can spend in heaven. Most commenters understand this and tried to one-up one another with stories of how they honor this important (unimportant) Jew holiday. One was even kind enough to remind Palin of the fact that she is literally the modern-day Moses. But others weren’t too happy about all of this, because one is supposed to say “Merry Christmas” and nothing else ever. Let’s take a look at some of these festive comments. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Sarah Palin Facebook Commenters On Hanukkah…
  robespierre watch

A Children’s Treasury of Facebook Idiots Disagreeing With Palin On Koran Burn

Last night (which is last Sunday, in the Alaska time zone), Sarah Palin put up a Facebook message coming out against the burning of Korans by that nobody pastor. But wait, doesn’t she usually bait her followers and their hatred of Muslins? This made many of them VERY ANGRY. How can the queen of dumb white people not want to kill all Muslims and destroy everything they hold dear? These folks have been raging in the comments. Usually, Sarah Palin has people that delete comments of Facebookers who disagree with her, but this time the torrent of hilarious, poorly spelled hatred cannot be held back. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Facebook Idiots Disagreeing With Palin On Koran Burn…
  maskq? moks? mawsk?

A Children’s Treasury of Facebook Comments About ‘the Mosk’

Multiple tipsters have sent us this fun Internet adventure: type “mosk” into Openbook, which shows you status updates of people who are too dumb to put any privacy setting on their Facebook account. EVIL LIBRULS have caught on to this, because quite a few of the results of this are now people saying, “Hey, go on this site and put in ‘mosk’,” but in between, predictably, there are quite a few gems. As Krauthammer knows, the American public is very smart and even-handed when it comes to things like the “mosk.” Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Facebook Comments About ‘the Mosk’…
  suck it chelsea clinton

A Children’s Treasury of Rush Limbaugh Wedding Photos and Rush Fan Comments About Them

Young hearthrob Rush Limbaugh has a brand new Facebook page, and he has used this platform to at long last give the screeching masses what they want: photos of his wedding. “Sharing a laugh with Elton John backstage before his performance” is the caption on this one. Yes, somehow KNOWN HOMOSEXUAL ENEMY Sir Elton John was paid enough money to show up at this thing. Mazel tov, Rush! So what other debauchery is revealed in this photo gallery? And what did the Rush faithful have to say about these photos? Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Rush Limbaugh Wedding Photos and Rush Fan Comments About Them…
  a shining city on a internet

A Children’s Treasury of Team Sarah Poetry and Trig Pics

We have infiltrated TeamSarah.org, the Internet’s top repository of Sarah Palin crap, and boy oh boy is it majestic. There are 35,000 blog posts to be written about what is in this thing. But we have to start somewhere. So how about presenting you with some of the site’s very best Sarah Palin poetry, which seems to be a common hobby for these people, along with some photos of Trig they’ve piled up? Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Team Sarah Poetry and Trig Pics…
  best chaps

A Children’s Treasury Of David Cameron Stalking Barack Obama

Back in 2008, the hottest fad among European politicians was to get their pictures taken with presidential candidate Barack Obama, who was much more popular among Europeans than any of them. David Cameron, who had been preparing for his royal takeover of Britain for years already, chased Barack Obama all over the place. Up top, we have Cameron’s video from election night 2008. He watched Barack Obama win on the telly and read about his Glories in the local news-tabloids, and then proceeded to suck up like the Dickens. “I KNOWETH THIS MAN. WE ARE BEST CHAPS. HE LOVES ME,” he narrates. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of David Cameron Stalking Barack Obama…
  photo tours

A Children’s Treasury Of Wonkette Readers’ ‘Political Halloween Costumes’

Oh look, we’ve finally written “this post.” Thank you to all of the operatives who sent in sexy pictures of their vulgar pagan bacchanalia dress. Our favorite would have to be this one from “J.R.’s friend Ross,” dressing up as ol’ orange tar-lungs, John Boehner. MILLIONS MORE, below. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Wonkette Readers’ ‘Political Halloween Costumes’…
  a changing world

A Children’s Treasury Of ‘GOP Faces’ From The Hot New GOP Website

The best aspect of the newly redesigned Republican Party website — aside from that amazing “What up?” thing — is the ability to refresh and refresh and refresh the homepage, for hours, to see all of the “GOP Faces” in circulation in the upper left corner, between the “G” and the “P,” where, what, a “Y” is supposed to go? But it’s just some random person’s head instead? Well your editors Jim and Juli have seen most or all of the “GOP Faces,” and analyzed them. Click the clicky to meet the members of what must be some secret “other” Republican Party in an alternate dimension, what with the youth and the diversity and the albino. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of ‘GOP Faces’ From The Hot New GOP Website…
  death

A Children’s Treasury Of Government-Solicited YouTubes About The Flu

Back in May or February or some other month, the world went nuts over a bunch of Mexicans giving everyone flu, from pigs, in an attempt to take over the world. But when Americans actually got this flu, they did not find it much worse than “regular American flu,” which only kills old people, gremlins, and dragons. This false alarm did not stop the government, a.k.a. “that Sebelius lady,” from launching a YouTube contest in JULY to “create a 15, 30, or 60 second video Public Service Announcement (PSA) that will inform and motivate people to take steps that will help prevent the spread of the flu.” That means any flu! The submission period ends tonight at midnight, and the winner will receive $2,500 while his or her winning video will “be featured on broadcast TV and on government Web sites.” Your Wonkette has viewed all 155 submissions (read: like six or seven), and… uh… you’re in a bit of a bind, Sebelius. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Government-Solicited YouTubes About The Flu…
  dude?

A Children’s Treasury Of Wacky Media Inquiries About Mark Sanford’s Sexy Disappearance

For several days in late June, Mark Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer had just about the worst job ever, having to deal with every national reporter and local legislator asking about Sanford’s whereabouts — which he did not know and could not find out, because Mark Sanford makes sure to turn off his cellphone when he’s sexing Argentine Firecrackers, which is always. What hilarious e-mails did Sawyer receive during these mysterious times, from the terrible media, and Stephen Colbert? Thanks to a successful open records request from South Carolina’s The State newspaper, we now present a Children’s Treasury of several! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Wacky Media Inquiries About Mark Sanford’s Sexy Disappearance…