Tag Archives: children’s books

  Books For Parents Who Hate Their Children

Insane Anti-Vaxxer Children’s Book Will Make Every Kid Want Measles

Oh what fun!
So here is a thing that exists: An anti-vaxxer children’s book called Melanie’s Marvelous Measles, published in 2012 and getting renewed attention now for pretty obvious reasons. It’s a happy little book about the joys of getting measles and staying healthy by never getting vaccinated! We felt a bit guilty about even spending three bucks for the Kindle version, but we knew that you, the Wonkette reader, deserved to get more than a third-hand look at this madness — you deserve a second-hand look through Dok Zoom’s suffering eyes. So we resolved to double our contribution to Doctors Without Borders as penance, and clicked “buy now.” Read more on Insane Anti-Vaxxer Children’s Book Will Make Every Kid Want Measles…
  Pretty Sure Jefferson And Adams Never Mentioned Feminazis

Rush Limbaugh’s Crappy Books Will Save Kids From A.P. History

Why teach American history when you can worship it instead?
The Grand Freakout over revisions to the Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) exam continues. As you recall, the College Board’s changes to the APUSH test — which downplay memorization and emphasize more engagement with primary historical texts — have set off all kinds of fretting on the right, which worries that students won’t be told that America is the kindest bravest warmest most wonderful nation that’s ever existed. Read more on Rush Limbaugh’s Crappy Books Will Save Kids From A.P. History…
  You've Got To be Carefully Taught

New Children’s Book Explains Why Heather’s Two Mommies Will Burn Forever In Hell

OK, so much for that “nice time” crap. Here’s a happy little children’s book to “sensitively” explain to children, “with love and compassion,” why God gets really, really worked up about whose genitals are allowed to touch, and why such limited touching must only happen inside a heterosexual marriage. It must be an excellent book, because it is endorsed by the American Patriarchy Association — which we suppose explains why, in defiance of American idiom, the book’s title has “Dad and Mom,” instead of “Mom and Dad” the way virtually everyone says it. Read more on New Children’s Book Explains Why Heather’s Two Mommies Will Burn Forever In Hell…
  Let God Sort 'em Out

Enjoy This Charming 1984 ‘Children’s Book’ About Margaret Thatcher

We remember seeing this book, Raymond Briggs’ The Tin-Pot Foreign General and the Old Iron Woman, when it was released in 1984. Any youngsters among the Wonkettariat may need a bit of background on the Falklands War before watching. (Hint: It was a bloody postcolonial fuck-tussle in which Argentina invaded some islands to prove it was King Shit and Great Britain took them back to prove it was Still A Fucking World Power.) We present as a public service this embedded video of a dotty British man, whom we cannot understand in the least, screeching TIN POT TIN POT over pictures of robot-Margaret Thatcher’s boobs shooting fire. And that is how it really happened! Read more on Enjoy This Charming 1984 ‘Children’s Book’ About Margaret Thatcher…
  america's greatest pundits

Mean Old Charles Krauthammer Hated The Berenstain Bears

Jan Berenstain, who co-authored the childrens’ book series The Berenstain Bears along with her late husbad, Stan, died last week. This is a tragedy to your Wonkette writer, who read and made bad political jokes about dozens of these little family bear books as a child. And your Wonkette writer is apparently the same age as the son of Washington Post torture scribe Charles Krauthammer, who opined about his experiences reading these books to his child back in 1989. “I hate the Berenstain Bears,” his violent screed against this all-American anthropomorphic bear family begins. Read more on Mean Old Charles Krauthammer Hated The Berenstain Bears…
  common celebrity bullshit

Obama Pens Anorexia Children’s Book

President Obama has written a children’s book, apparently, and it will be released November 16. It’s called Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters, because when you are president, you cannot just simply write your daughters a letter and hand it to them, you have to send it to a publisher and have them make hundreds of thousands of copies months later, and then you will tell your daughters to go to the book store and buy themselves a copy. But look at that cover. Why did Obama paint his daughters so much thinner than his dog? UNREALISTIC STANDARDS OF BEAUTY. Feminists, get on this! Read more on Obama Pens Anorexia Children’s Book…
  marxist propaganda

Sinister Plot Afoot To Teach Young Children About Obama

Man, kids lurrrv Barack Obama, probably because his name is easy to pronounce and he’s not a scowly old creep. Well, that’s one explanation … for losers! An alternative theory has it that the children’s book industry transformed our nation’s youth into a wandering herd of Obama zombies by releasing a whole bunch of presidential biographies for kids to read. Read more on Sinister Plot Afoot To Teach Young Children About Obama…
  propaganda

New Evil Children’s Book Found On Internet, Rushed To Front Of Mockery Line

Only a couple of years after publication of the definitive closet-gay child’s escapist fantasy, Why Mommy Is a Democrat, some dingus has finally self-published the appropriate wartime response, Why Daddy Is A Republican. Because Daddy is John McCain? Oh, wrong children’s propaganda book. Read more on New Evil Children’s Book Found On Internet, Rushed To Front Of Mockery Line…
  literature

Details Leak About Presumed Worst Book Ever

Meghan McCain is a quick finisher! It hasn’t been that long since we first learned about John McCain’s unemployed blogger daughter’s upcoming children’s book, and already it’s nearing publication. September 2 in fact, during the convention! And yes, that is the actual cover art, and yes, members of the Main Stream Media got a sneak preview today. Can you describe the sweet children’s book for us, CBS News? “There are illustrations of the McCain’s capture as a prisoner of war and stumping on the campaign trail, drawn by artist Dan Andreasan, who also did the illustrations for the childrens’ books ‘Pilot Pups’ and ‘A Special Day For Mommy.'” We will seriously pay someone $100 in Disney Dollars for a copy of the book RIGHT NOW. [Indecision 2008, CBS News] Read more on Details Leak About Presumed Worst Book Ever…
 

Meghan McCain To Write Children’s Book About Dad, Continue To Never Have Job

Meghan “Blogette” McCain, the princess daughter of John McCain and his second trophy wife Cindy, has sewn up a children’s book deal. It sounds frightening, according to what she says in a publisher’s statement: “I am truly excited about the opportunity to write a children’s book about my father, who is not only a fantastic dad, but also a great American. This book will offer children the unique opportunity to see the character building events that happened over his lifetime, experiences that led up to his current bid to become the future President of the United States.” Hey children, this is called P-R-O-P-A-G-A-N-D-A. It means “she is finding a pleasing way to sell you terrible lies.” Also, children? She does not have a job, because she is spoiled! She is not your role model. [AP] Read more on Meghan McCain To Write Children’s Book About Dad, Continue To Never Have Job…