This video is magical: “Shawn Turschak of Chapel Hill was tired of someone stealing McCain-Palin campaign signs from his yard. Turschak, with a degree in electrical engineering, hooked up a third sign to a power source for an electric pet fence Monday and also put up a surveillance camera.” Look at the little Obama kid get ZAPPED like a ho and then run home to his father, Joe Biden. Ha ha! DAMN KIDS. [AP, YouTube]

• Use Obama’s math machine to calculate numbers ‘n such that relate to how many Saltines and cigarettes you can afford to steal, once you’re a hobo. [Ben Smith]
• Some dude at a theoretical Obama rally may have called erratic lying warmonger John McCain a “liar” and a “warmonger.”  [Marc Ambinder]
• Sarah Palin’s ex-brother-in-law, “Trooper” of Troopergate fame, used to run over wolves with his snowmobile and eat their entrails, for sport. And for laughs. [Daily Kos]
• October Surprise! The stars of the tween veterinary hospital docu-drama Gossip Girl shot a teevee ad about how many trucker hats they own in honor of Barack Obama. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Oh god someone named a newborn “Sarah McCain Palin.” This baby will never stop crying — nor should it. [Jonathan Martin]
• Someone yelled “louder” at Palin during a speech. But the screeching of the wind blowing through her sad, empty head was deafening, so what’s a gal to do except to yell back that dammit, this person should respect America’s veterans. [Crooks and Liars]

Nothing says “I hate Real Americans” like going to a public school, learning how to read and write, and having some basic knowledge of what’s going on in the world around you. That’s why the elitist “schoolchildren” who took part in the Scholastic Election Poll are obviously in the tank for fancy educated smart guy Barack Obama. MORE »

TNR’s Noam Scheiber has more on that clutch Sarah Palin doodle sheet he found in Wasilla, the one with all the pretty scribble-scrabble — you know, the type of thing parents tell their autistic children to make so that they can relax and drink scotch for an hour. Apparently that doodle sheet wasn’t just brainstorming — she told her mayoral “campaign manager” that it was an actual DRAFT for a campaign poster. Just words and shit everywhere! Obviously this didn’t come to fruition, but the unreadable doodle sheet would later inspire a cover of The Atlantic magazine. [TNR]

• THURSDAY FUN LINK: You’ve been waiting all morning! This week’s “Thursday Fun Link” was selected because we no longer can distinguish between “fun” and “brutal social/economic/political tales of terrible sadness.” Hooray! It’s about Nebraska’s “safe haven” law that lets people abandon their “out-of-control” children — up to 19 years old — at hospitals because they have no money or health care or access to psychiatric services and they have dead spouses OR because they’re lazy pieces of drunk shit. We’re looking forward to the Great New Depression, too! [NYT]

These kids fucking suck. [YouTube]

Here’s a new ad from those wacky jesters over at the RNC. It attacks Barack Obama for supporting the bailout that the House approved yesterday. Yes, that’s right: two (2) problems here. John McCain supported the bailout and, according to the man himself, made other House Republicans vote for it. And the bailout, as you may recall, didn’t pass. What gives? Oh that SILLY RNC: “The Republican National Committee’s new advertisement critical of the the Wall Street ‘bailout’ was produced and sent to television stations in key states before the package failed, officials at two stations said.” [YouTube, Ben Smith]

Dearest Wonkette readers. Now would be an appropriate time to grab a drink and reassess the value of, you know, representative democracy as an effective form of government at all. If you’ve been watching CNN for the last couple of hours… well, we’re right there with you. Oh god CNN is now looking at Internet comments to get more opinions on the Death Of The Bailout. INTERNET COMMENTS. We want forty guns right now with which to shoot furniture, appliances, alley cats and, most importantly, our own human selves. Let’s run through a list of the comically pathetic ways in which our American political leaders are “responding” to the failed bailout vote. Hint: very few people are blaming themselves! MORE »

We’ve been getting a bunch of referrals to this Fake Texting Scandal post from the other day, randomly, and the absolute best mention is this Associated Content column by a gal named Carol Bengle Gilbert. It is called “Obama Text Message Fakes: Prank Reminiscent of 4th Grade.” Let’s look a little closer at Gilbert’s column, especially the parts in which she insults her young child and confesses to getting “angry at Word,” as in the basic computer program. MORE »

The political children, the children are idiots. Colorado Republican Senate candidate Bob Schaffer has a son, you see, and he is 19 years old and in trouble for putting funny images on his Facebook page, like one that shows a picture of the three pyramids in Egypt with the caption, “Slavery Gets Shit Done.” Well, it’s true, right? Do you think people owned other human beings so they could watch them flop around all day? He also has a bunch of pictures of Barack Obama as a Muslim. Well, it’s true, right? MORE »

Yesterday Wonkette brought you the EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE SEEN NOWHERE ELSE of Barack Obama’s 10- and 7-year-old daughters, Misha and Selma or whatever, being interviewed by some pretty Access Hollywood gal. This was a first, as Obama usually likes to hide his children in underground caves to shield them from THE SPINELESS INTERNET. Naturally, everyone made fun of these two children and, by the end of the day, were blaming them for starting the Iraq War and also capitulating on FISA. Nary an Internet Addict found the children, say, adorable. And that is why Barack Obama told adult-child Diane Sawyer on today’s Good Morning America that he’ll never put his children on teevee again. MORE »