Oh, are we not supposed to make fun of kids? Even little loser ones? Meh, they’re not allowed on Wonkette anyway. (Just in case though: hey kids, go say “FUCK” to your parents!) Conservatives are flipping out all over this latest Indoctrination video. Media Matters is responding, “they did this for George W. Bush too though!!” Whatever. It (a) is always creepy and (b) never matters, because who cares what some kids chant in elementary school. [Mountain Xpress]

For this post we shall refer to that old axiom by the famous scholar, Jesus X. Christ: Before the socialist speech there came the socialist discussion, during which socialism was Made. This was the case today, when Barack Obama held a secret session with the children of Wakeview High School in Arlington, Virginia, to talk about how dumb they all are, before addressing the nation on the same topic. It was there that he gave the students the most important career advice available in this day and age: don’t write racist shit or whatever on your Facebook page. MORE »

You can just see Barack Obama ordering Rahm Emanuel to do this. “Rahm, you are an evil fuck and everyone knows it. You must humanize yourself and read a cute children’s book to children, which we will post on the Education Department’s website.” But we are not fooled by this STUNT. [YouTube]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
It’s absolutely true that politicians are, by and large, hideously ugly. So, if you’re going to get into the political cartooning game, you’re going to have to learn to enjoy inking the minute details of the sagging face-flesh, the terrible combovers, the faces ravaged by decades-old acne scars, the paunches ill-contained by aspirationally sized pants. Yet once cartoonists go down this road, they might find themselves actually enjoying it, like a professional dominatrix who got into the biz for money and finds herself unable to put down the whip in her off hours. (This sometimes happens! I saw it in, uh, a movie.) Anyway, drawing Karl Rove’s second chin no longer has any appeal for these depraved freak-loving artists! In this week’s Cartoon Violence, you’ll see what lies at the end of this very dark path. MORE »

“Want me to hug some Mexican kids and write inspirational shit about Obama’s childhood? You know my price.” [Mediaite]

Your other editor Sara wrote earlier about how every governor candidate in Virginia has taken a shine to this hilarious & false idea that prison officials closely monitor third-grade test scores to determine how many jails they’ll need for the Dumbs in 15 years. But only Terry McAuliffe went ahead and made it into an insane teevee advertisement! The final product (which your male associate editor wrote about this morning at length for his NBC racketeering gig) proved to be McAuliffe’s most twisted, hilarious failed attempt at pretending to be a real human being yet, in a life and campaign defined by such attempts. “Pre-k now or prison later!” Nice one, sociopath! [NBC Washington]

A bunch of kids from Virginia went on a field trip to get a tour of the White House, but they got there late, and the President had a play date with the Pittsburgh Steelers so the White House was closed and all the children cried, which was exactly what he wanted. [NBC Washington]

A big “thank you” to the Republican party for picking this “new” political strategy, “Democrats Are Still Gay For Terrorists,” after they got bored with economics. Now we will have classic 9/11 fearmongering comedy videos all the time once again. MORE »

A deer, which was being chased by a pack of dogs, which was being chased by Sarah Palin and a fleet of helicopters, which was being chased by that same deer, smashed into the window of a Greek restaurant in Silver Spring and then went to hide out in the bakery of a Giant. [WTOP] MORE »

Here is a heartwarming story: a little boy- or girl-child writes to Barack Obama to say, “Hey man whatsup I want U 2 B purznit” (that is how children write today, in America). And Barack Obama, a man with infinite time and letter-writing resources, pens a unique personal response to each and every one of these precious children and signs it with a nice blue pen! Barack Obama is a magical patron of youngsters — like Santa, only real! Except that he is a fraud. MORE »

There’s really only one sentence in Lady Peggy Noonington de Rothschild’s Wall Street Journal column today worth reading, but it is, as les Française would say, un crescendo magnifique. (PSST: WE DON’T KNOW THE FROG WORD FOR “CRESCENDO.”) Allez: “The phrase I often worriedly think of when I see, on television, gross violence, cruelty, a vulgarity of character, erectile dysfunction ads, news reports that reflect a mean and cynical attitude toward America, and still-menacing if increasingly antique rappers is: The children are watching.” It is these problems five that our beloved frau hopes to see vanquished under the princely young president Africanus, whom the children frequently view on the television machine. [WSJ]