Tag: chick-fil-a

House Republican Dingbats Find New Thing To Investigate, And It Is House Democrats!

Did you know the House Democrats' gun control sit-in was very rude and against the rules? Let's punish them!

New York Mayor Bill De Blasio Suggests Not Cramming Your Throat With Gay-Hatin’ Chick-Fil-A

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio suggests you boycott the homo-haters at Chick-Fil-A. Wingnuts, as always, outraged.
Secret admirer, secret admirer!

Brave Todd Starnes Fights For College Kids’ Right To Eat Breasts On Buttery Buns

Earlier this week, the University of Nebraska-Kearney scrapped plans to install a Chick-Fil-A franchise on campus after numerous complaints from students upset about the chain's regressive views on marriage equality. That seems clear-cut and reasonable, and we can all...
They're watching you.

Jesus Buying All His Christmas Presents At Hobby Lobby And Chick-Fil-A From Now On

It's the most wonderful time of the year, almost! We've had a real good start to the War On Christmas, thanks to Starbucks making a cup that does not explicitly mention how the Baby Jesus died so you can...
Except for this one franchise! They love the gays!

Chick-Fil-A Fails To Meet 2015 Gay-Bashing Quotient. Fix It, Jesus!

Oh no! The wingnut gay-hatin' fans of Chick-fil-A, whose bodies are composed of 96 percent trans fat and 4 percent Jesus meat, are dripping lard lumps of rage all over their everywheres, because this one Chick-fil-A in Nashville did something nice for gays!...
Secret admirer, secret admirer!

Fox’s Todd Starnes Will Save America With Smoked Pork Butt, Just Like Jesus

Fox News anchor, still-living Christian martyr, and legendary urine-drinker Todd Starnes treated the congregation of Abilene Baptist Church in Augusta, Georgia, to one beautiful "sermon" Sunday, with lots of terrifying examples of just how bad Christians have it in...
He's crying because he's a LOSER.

Whore-Sexing Sen. David Vitter Wiped Away Gay Marriage Tears With Greasy Chick-Fil-A Meat

Friday was a tough day for Louisiana Sen. David Vitter. First, he had to shed his pull-ups and dismount from whatever whore lady was currently being Not His Wife and helping him fulfill his diaper sex fantasies (ALLEGEDLY ALLEGEDLY...
Looks the same going in and going out!

Taco Bell To Congress: Here’s 6,000 Free Tacos, Now Help Us Screw Our Workers

At first this story will seem like a Nice Time, but it is not, so stop smiling and definitely stop making plans to have a serious craving for Taco Bell when you are stoned or drunk later. Taco Bell...
This is from TV, so presumably he's unmedicated here. God help us.

Rightwing Sociopath Todd Kincannon Didn’t Domestic Abuse His Wife; He Was Just On Drugs

Always nice to start off the week with an entry for the "We Completely Believe This" file: rightwing bloviator and former head of the South Carolina GOP Todd Kincannon was accused of threatening his wife and forcibly refusing to...
Except for this one franchise! They love the gays!

Republicans Are So In Love With Chick-Fil-A Maybe They Should Gay Marry It

National Journal, Ron Fournier’s Church of Both Sides Do It, is out with some Very Serious Journalism™: It turns out that, after Chick-fil-A was outed as a shitty fast-food company run by gay-hating Christianists oppressed by the Gay Mafia...

Catholic League Pretty Sure They’ve Put Guinness Out of Business By Now

Remember on Saint Patrick's Day when shitty beers like Heineken and tolerable beers like Sam Adams and Guinness all decided to boycott the parades in New York City (Heineken and Guinness) and Boston (Sam Adams) and lo, there was...

Toby Keith Will Not Allow Guns In His Fancy Eatin’ Restaurant So The Terrorists Have Already Won

It's tough when your heroes let you down. Take Toby Keith, for example. His restaurant, Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill, should be a place where a man brings his guns and his prayer book and his...

Get Your Mommy-Son Hot Middle Ages Fantasy Date Night Action On At Chick-fil-A

Hey Wonknesians who happen to be boys or ladies who happen to have boy children (do not yell at us about gender constructs because this whole event was not our idea), have you been feeling like your mother-son relationship...

Chick-Fil-A Grifts For More Of That Sweet, Sweet Anti-Gay Cash

What do you think, Chick-fil-A? Would only a fruitcake not love your party trays? Well we think you are aiming low! There are so many more people we can think of right off the bat who would not love...

Surprise: Allen West Once Did Dickish Thing To Black People

But which jerkwad thing did Allen West do to black people, you might ask? He delivered Chick-fil-A to a Congressional Black Caucus meeting. They were not appreciative. A Democratic lawmaker says Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.) offended the entire Congressional Black Caucus...

Breaking News: A Liberal Acted Like A Total Jerk

So, this guy. Drivin' up in his Prius, bursting with joy and righteousness about his purpose-driven life of haughtily lecturing minimum wage workers who should be ashamed of themselves for daring to have a job at a place that...