Don’t really know what Townhall’s angle is here in promoting this video, but the first minute or so is pretty amazing, watching this CNN anchor play out his own personal mini-Greek Tragedy. Well this should all go well and dandy for ol’ Chicago, he’s thinking. Let me just sit back here and relax for the official confirmation. Nope, nothin’ could go wrong for Chicago right now, nothin’ at al… wait… wait.. oh god… no… CHICAGO’S OUT? CHICAGO’S OUT? CHICAGO’S OUT??? No. No. No no no no no NO! NOOOOO! KILL ME RIGHT NOW! [YouTube]

Things are getting so out-of-hand that the forecasters at “Team Romney” are having to step in and act like adults: “There are cooler heads: Former Mitt Romney spokesman Kevin Madden passed along some entirely unheeded advice from another Republican strategist, Scott Stanzel: ‘Note to GOP officials/consultants - resist temptation to pile on about Chicago losing just becuz Obama made the pitch.’” MORE »

CHICAGO HAS LOST DANCING WITH THE STARS AND THEREFORE ITS CHANCE AT HOSTING THE 2016 OLYMPICS. Gold, silver, and bronze Drudge Sirens!!: The important International Olympic Committee cold eliminated Chicago in the first round of city choosing this morning. In case you’re still invested in this thing, for whatever reason, it’s down to Madrid and Rio de Janeiro. [HuffPost]

Earlier today Republican strange person Michael Steele joined his fellow party dingbats to yell at Obama for traveling to King Hamlet’s Court in Elsinore to argue for Chicago’s 2016 Olympic bid. It is Not Presidential. We have no opinion about this, but man, watch Robert Gibbs respond with his trademark dry sarcasm here! Are many people capable of saying “Madrid” with such an icy-death quality? [YouTube]

• Obama’s big health care legislation presentation next week will feature such novelties as an explanation of the contents of said health care legislation. [New York Times]
• Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens’ hiring of only one clerk for the 2010 Supreme Court regular season has many fans speculating that he could retire after next year. [LA Times]
• Pfizer will be paying $2.3 billion in fines for illegally treating fat cat doctors to rounds of golf (and probably letting them win!) in exchange for promotion of Pfizer products. [AP]
• A new report was released by Physicians for Human Rights that details American doctors’ bad habit of using terror suspects as subjects in impossibly evil torture experiments. [The Guardian]
• The city of Chicago does not even want your dumb 2016 Olympics anymore, International Olympics Committee! This is because the 2016 Olympics happen to be the summer Olympics, which according to facts are the lame kind. [Chicago Tribune]
• Oh holy god, someone found a dead frog in a Pepsi can. This is disgusting, although, if it helps, it could have just been a toad… so… no cause for alarm. [CNN]

ROD BLAGOJEVICH IS YOUR NEW KING OF POP: Failed atavistic Fellini villain Rod Blagojevich has been spotted peddling his clownish Elvis impersonation grift at a parade in downtown Chicago. Shame on you Rod Blagojevich, for this obvious insult to the memory of John Hughes. [Chicago Tribune]

Wonkette’s “Gay, In Chicago” Operative “ManofSteel” attended his city’s fancy Gay Pride Parade this weekend, for fun, and who did he see there but U.S. “Senator for Life” Roland Burris! Here’s our leader in some fancy rich man’s car. Didn’t he know that you can get sick at these things?

America’s favorite hair trap, Rod Blagojevich, appeared in a Second City comedy show on Saturday and made everybody deeply uncomfortable by either not getting the joke or getting it too much. “Everyone in the place was wondering the same thing: How could he sit there and watch himself depicted in this way? To sit sportingly through a fictional satirical critique is one thing; but in this case the material came from a federal indictment. Making ample use of tape.” Rod Blagojevich is the greatest performance artist in America since Karen Finley. [Chicago Tribune]

While his wife is busy in Costa Rica eating spiders, the former governor of Illinois will amuse himself by taking part in “Rod Blagojevich Superstar,” a Second City show that is all about how much he sucks. One-time appearance this Saturday, tickets on sale now, etc! [The Second City]

Hmm, could this possibly be true? Could that Chicago radio jackass have not undergone a Spiritual Conversion regarding torture after having a stream of water gently poured on his half-covered face for a few seconds? Gawker has salacious details in the form of emails from the guy’s publicist suggesting that this was all “a hoax.” MORE »

THE CHICAGO INDICTMENT IS JUST SOME BORING ALDERMAN: Patrick Fitzgerald you are a loser. Your Wonkette editors had prepared for the worst regarding this impending indictment of an elected official in Chicago, “joking” that it was “probably just some alderman.” And that’s all it is, some slob who looks like Jesse Jackson after eating Rush Limbaugh: “Ald. Isaac Carothers (29th), a staunch ally of Mayor Richard Daley, was indicted today on federal public-corruption charges.” [Chicago Breaking News]