Wonkette’s “Gay, In Chicago” Operative “ManofSteel” attended his city’s fancy Gay Pride Parade this weekend, for fun, and who did he see there but U.S. “Senator for Life” Roland Burris! Here’s our leader in some fancy rich man’s car. Didn’t he know that you can get sick at these things?

America’s favorite hair trap, Rod Blagojevich, appeared in a Second City comedy show on Saturday and made everybody deeply uncomfortable by either not getting the joke or getting it too much. “Everyone in the place was wondering the same thing: How could he sit there and watch himself depicted in this way? To sit sportingly through a fictional satirical critique is one thing; but in this case the material came from a federal indictment. Making ample use of tape.” Rod Blagojevich is the greatest performance artist in America since Karen Finley. [Chicago Tribune]

While his wife is busy in Costa Rica eating spiders, the former governor of Illinois will amuse himself by taking part in “Rod Blagojevich Superstar,” a Second City show that is all about how much he sucks. One-time appearance this Saturday, tickets on sale now, etc! [The Second City]

Hmm, could this possibly be true? Could that Chicago radio jackass have not undergone a Spiritual Conversion regarding torture after having a stream of water gently poured on his half-covered face for a few seconds? Gawker has salacious details in the form of emails from the guy’s publicist suggesting that this was all “a hoax.” MORE »

THE CHICAGO INDICTMENT IS JUST SOME BORING ALDERMAN: Patrick Fitzgerald you are a loser. Your Wonkette editors had prepared for the worst regarding this impending indictment of an elected official in Chicago, “joking” that it was “probably just some alderman.” And that’s all it is, some slob who looks like Jesse Jackson after eating Rush Limbaugh: “Ald. Isaac Carothers (29th), a staunch ally of Mayor Richard Daley, was indicted today on federal public-corruption charges.” [Chicago Breaking News]

A wise man once said, “Do not watch television. It will only make you sad and empty.” And here is proof: 20 agonizing minutes of Chris Matthews shouting at Roland Burris, who tries to explain why that stuff he said on that FBI wiretap doesn’t prove that he was involved in any tomfoolery with Rod Blagojevich to snag his Senate appointment. It just kind of goes on and on in that fashion and just when you think it will end Matthews says, “OK Senator I like you, I think you’re a good guy, I’m going to give you one more chance to explain yourself” and that’s when you know you’re in for another eternity of torture. Why couldn’t Roland Burris have gotten involved in something fun and interesting, like a hooker scandal? [MSNBC]

Ha ha remember this little flapperoo last week? The Washington Times’ secret Korean Jesus Picture Robot auto-selected a terrible wire photo for the newspaper’s story about young children dying, in Chicago. Call it a “WTF Moment,” in the parlance of our times. And perhaps because of this, and other flaps (constant lies, or at least a reputation for!), mean editor John Solomon will now be instituting PERMANENT RECORDS and DETENTION forever. MORE »

Ha ha ha, everyone gets a good laugh when newspaper design people make weird placement choices. Look at the Washington Times here: its website shows a photo of the Obama kids — probably the click-thru is a story about how cute they are! — right above a different article about Chicago children being murdered all the time. WACKY! It looks like the girls’ photo goes with the death story! Good thing that’s not the case at all! MORE »

The store Walgreens has PULLED this insane Barack Obama Chia Pet from its shelves, and now 200,000 of them are simply sitting in a warehouse. Apparently customers complained that the beige Obama head with green hair was RACIST against black people and junk. At least that’s what this article is implying? Or maybe the complainers were Oompa Loompas, although it is generally assumed that the military gassed them into extinction sometime in the ’80s. [CBS2]

• OH AND HERE’S SOME ACTUAL NEWS: “Blagojevich, 52, was indicted on 16 felony counts, including racketeering conspiracy, wire fraud, extortion conspiracy, attempted extortion and making false statements to federal agents. He allegedly abused his office in numerous matters to seek money, campaign contributions, and employment for himself and others, in exchange for official actions, including trying to leverage his authority to appoint a United States senator, U.S. Attorney Patrick J. Fitzgerald said in a statement.” Patrick Fitzgerald is the fucking angel of death (but also racist for doing this to important Civil Rights leader Gandhi Blagojevich). [CBS 2 Chicago]

Rod Blagojevich, you are a hero — you are still giving to us, in the form of comic material, months after you’ve been removed from the Illinois governor’s office. (Not that you ever actually went to the Illinois governor’s office, but you know what we mean, you fuckin’ guy.) And today, a new scheme, or at least new details on an old scheme: the bankrupt media operation Tribune Co. was riding Blago hard to get Illinois to buy Wrigley Field from Tribune. And when current Tribune owner-weirdo Sam Zell and Blago discussed the scam, they referred to it as “Project Elwood.” MORE »