Late last week some actual good news about violent crime came out of the great city of Chicago: the homicide rate for the first three months of the year fell to the lowest level of any first quarter since 1958. There were six fewer homicides than in the first quarter of 2013, and 55 fewer […]

The National Labor Relations Board handed down a 24-page decision saying Northwestern University sportsball players are employees of the university and may form a union. Quarterback Kain Colter has been the face of the pro-unionization campaign. It’s no surprise this happened in Chicago, one of the last bastions of organized labor activity with balls. Let’s […]

Time for a quick Fringe Candidate Update, Ye Wonkers: you may remember our brief mention of long-shot Republican congressional candidate Susanne Atanus back in January, when it looked like her decidedly unorthodox views on how diseases and weather work might lead to her dropping out of the primary race for Illinois’s 9th Congressional District. She […]

You might or might not remember former Illinois Congressweirdo Mel Reynolds, a seriously freaky guy who in the early ’90s managed to get elected — twice — despite being more than a little bit skeevy. His Chicago district somehow managed to send him back to Congress in 1994 even after he’d been accused of doing […]

Well hello, GAYmerica. Because the frothy LGBT agenda is being smeared all over this great land, this little mommyblog has not been reporting on every state that legalizes gay marriage, which everyone knows is like poking G-d in the eye with your dick. However, some sorcerers bishops in a Chicago coven Church want to get […]

Oh, hey, it’s “Statesman McCain” today! In Chicago today, Walnuts said that he believed that Hillary Clinton would make a “very strong candidate” for the 2016 Democratic nomination: I don’t think there’s any doubt she has widespread support. Her work as secretary of state, with the exception of this issue of Benghazi — which isn’t […]

It will not be a very happy Rosh Hashanah in the home of Jesse Jackson as his son, Jesse Jackson Jr., was sentenced today to two and a half years in a federal prison for the crime of being a grifter of nearly Sarah Palin-level griftiness.

Did you feel as though an intangible but perceptible cloud of safety and serenity descended on your community sometime last week? Probably this is because you live in Park Forest, Illinois, where local police successfully tased and beanbagged a 95-year-old World War II veteran to death last week for being ornery and refusing to put […]

OK fine here are some pictures of our Chicago Wonk-Off, which was like last Wednesday maybe? Thursday? It is impossible to tell. We met up in the hinterlands of Irving Park or Irving Square or some other place that was difficult to get to, which is possibly why Chow Yun Flat did not make the […]

Who will be our mystery guest TONIGHT, 6 p.m., at Christina’s Place, 3759 N. Kedzie Ave., Chicago, 773-463-1768? Will our mystery guest be Deron (seen above), the six-foot-six smiling Nice Time bartender at Thomas O’Foolaround’s, who is going to move to Los Angeles and be our husband just as soon as we inform him of […]

Attention all Wonkessourians! Yr Wonkette wants to “show you” how to party! The 2013 Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest Orgy And World Tour wends its way into St. Louis tonight with the force of a million exploding suns! That is some heavy-duty wending, we would have to say! Get yourselves to the Schlafly Tap […]

And so it begins. Week One of our Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest World Tour starts this coming Wednesday, and mama has yet to get a fucking tuneup, gah. Remember, all parties are free unless’n you want to bring a checkbook with donations for Habitat for Humanity, and no, you do not have to […]

Apparently the sack of crap CEO of awful mall store Abercrombie and Fitch, Mike Jeffries, said he doesn’t like it when you fuglies shop at his stores. He said this to Salon back in 2006 but apparently it took seven years for his mean girl comments to set off a firestorm of outrage on the social […]

O hai, we are just making this itinerary. We are getting in the car and actually taking a vacation, one that includes paying someone to be us on this here mommyblog while we are gone, so our only responsibilities for just shy of three weeks will be buying you beer and seeing our mama. It […]

John Rocker, a famous racist person whose steroid use 15 years ago propelled him temporarily into Major League Baseball, has opinions and stuff. Like many dense white people who lost their only job to more talented foreign individuals, Rocker has found solace in the sewage treatment plant of the web that is World Net Daily. […]