Your Wonkette has passed by many flowering trees and has yet to determine, what, exactly, is a cherry blossom tree. Don’t be fooled by the Bradford pear tree, AKA the Semen Tree, which, besides umm, not being pink, has the awful smell of you-know-what. They’re all over DC, and dumb tourists are taking photos in front of them. Fools! MORE »

Look, these pretty things are a-bloomin’ all over the Tidal Basin shores and whatnot. This was obviously taken yesterday, when the foul rain wasn’t pissing down upon the Nation’s Capital. But it should be kind of sunny tomorrow, so make sure you take a long three-hour lunch, enjoy the famous cherry blossoms given to us by Japan on December 7, 1941, and then come back to the office only to find you’ve been picked for the new round of layoffs because what the fuck, a three-hour lunch, in this economy? Photo by Wonkette’s Elizabeth Askew.

Tuesdays: Cafe Mozart, a German deli on H St. NW, is selling draft beers for a reduced price during happy hour every Tuesday. Be sure to order something sausagey from the bar menu — their wurst selection is supposed to be off the hook. [Cafe Mozart] MORE »

Though you may normally prefer your events shrouded in darkness and glazed in booze, it would be remiss to ignore the beginning of America’s biggest celebration ever of a Japanese tree flower. We’ve already mentioned the Kite Festival and Japanime Marathon; here are some more ways you can enjoy the Cherry Blossom Festival this weekend. MORE »

Wednesday, March 11: In honor of the upcoming National Cherry Blossom festival, Washington Life magazine is throwing the annual Pink Tie Cocktail Party, which means not only will you be emasculated for wearing a pink tie, you will feel personally humiliated at your own Poorness when you find out that the tickets are $150. But! There will be cherry-themed food and drinks from all your favorite local restaurants. [National Cherry Blossom Festival] MORE »

* The downside of cherry blossom season: invasion of the tourists. Here’s a clever plan for dealing with them. [Rock Creek Rambler] MORE »

* Watch Countdown with Keith Olbermann tonight — which will be featuring one of your Wonketteers as a guest. It’s on MSNBC at 8 PM EST and again at midnight. MORE »

* Yes, it’s that time of year: cherry blossom season. The festivities kick off tomorrow. [WP; National Cherry Blossom Festival] MORE »