chelsea clinton
Class War Has A Fresh New Face: Chelsea Clinton And Her $10.5 Million NYC Pad
We have spent some time during this journey through our worldly vale of tears defending the gargantuan mansions of both Albert Gore and Husband of the Millennium John Edwards. You know, stuff like, “Hey, John Edwards made those kajillions helping people get justice and also eat shit Tucker Carlson just on principle” and “Al Gore [...]
Vogue Profile of Chelsea Clinton Reveals Her Shocking Coffee Habits, ‘Magnetism’
Oh, Vogue. How is it that you can run a profile of a person we genuinely like — or at least, who we think we are inclined to like, insofar as mere observers of the larger world can say that they “like” a public figure — and end up mostly leaving us constructing elaborate fantasies [...]
What Is Chelsea Clinton Hiding About Monica Lewinsky?
Everyone knows that Chelsea Clinton is the world’s most boring human being — though she did grow up to be quite a fetching member of the female species, suck it Rush Limbaugh. She is even more boring than Luke Russert, and possibly has less-notable insights! But were you aware that the reason she is such [...]
Chelsea Clinton Gets Married, Pizza Chain Sends Grease Pies
America’s queen of hearts, Chelsea Clinton, got married today! It’s about time, right? Bristol Palin will probably be on her third or fourth “old man” by the time she’s 30 years old. Anyway, we forgot to cover this wedding of an adult person, even though it is true that her mom is secretary of state [...]
Chelsea Clinton Gets Married Tomorrow, In World’s Most Important Wedding
Remember Chelsea Clinton, the poor little rich girl who lived in the White House during our last era of Peace & Prosperity, when people had no problems beyond grunge, Windows 95, Oval Office blowjobs and the rapidly growing chasm between the wealthy and the poor? Well, Chelsea has not been in the news very much, [...]
Will Chelsea Clinton Become a Jew, For Marriage?
How far we’ve come, as a nation! Only a few generations ago, Jews were not allowed to be famous politicians, and could not golf with elitists such as Tiger Woods. But now, thanks to racial progress, America may soon perhaps have its first converted-Jewish former first daughter! According to a completely speculative blog post on [...]
Chelsea Clinton’s Getting Married To the Investment Banker Son of a Federal Prisoner!
Love is in the air! Famous first daughter Chelsea Clinton is getting married to some guy she’s shacked up with, in Manhattan. He’s a Wall Street hotshot, and everybody loves those guys. And his dad is a convicted felon who recently got out of FEDERAL PRISON. The Clintons: Still making everybody else look better. [Chicago [...]
Is David Shuster Going Bald, Like Virtually All Men Over 40?
Could this possibly be true? Famous MSNBC reporter David Shuster, who once boldly suggested that Hillary Clinton was a pimp who shopped around her daughter for cash in exchange for sex, allegedly has a bald spot, and allegedly gets very upset when his bald spot appears on the television. Who is the “source close to [...]
The ‘Wonkette Part’ Of David Denby’s Book Really Just A Bunch Of Major, If Not Libelous, Errors
Alright, so we caved. We were at Borders and noticed New Yorker film critic David Denby’s new book, Snark, about how he hates bloggers, Sarah Palin, Maureen Dowd, Tom Wolfe and others for the exact same undefined reason. We actually bought the book (YOU’RE WELCOME DENBY) and were planning to skim for the Wonkette part, [...]
John Kerry Drafts Chelsea Clinton Into Performing Sex Favors For A Day
What is this “chairman’s prerogative” John Kerry is invoking here? Gross. [YouTube]
Random Dude Who E-mailed Us Should Take Hillary’s Senate Seat
A delightfully insane person has e-mailed us and approximately 400 other tip or info lines asking politely if he can be Senator from New York. He wants to take over for two years until Chelsea Clinton is 30 and can rightfully claim her seat. You must read (skim) his full blog post about this. “Oh- [...]
The Latest Gem From McCain’s Long History Of Horrifying ‘Wisecracks’
John McCain’s always had a hearty arsenal of “cocktail party jokes,” including several about killing Iranian civilians with either bombs or exported American cancer, and another about Chelsea Clinton being ugly because her father is Janet Reno’s penis. These jokes, however, can’t shake a stick at the latest gem someone has unearthed from a 1986 [...]
blog advertising is good for you
