Tag: cheating

It was Sleepy Old Man Carson all along!

Ben Carson Would Have Won Iowa If It Weren’t For That Meddling Cruz Kid

Ben Carson knows why he only finished fourth in the Iowa Caucuses, with a piddling 9 percent of the vote: It had nothing with his campaign style (best described as somewhere between "somnolent" and "vegetative") or with his barely...
To Grift, or not to Grift...

Mean New York Times Won’t Let Ted Cruz Cheat His Way Onto Bestseller List

Oh, see how the liberal New York Times is mistreating and suppressing Ted Cruz! Outrageous! Horrors! His publisher sold a bejillion copies of his new book-shaped object, A Time For Truth: Reigniting the Promise of America, but is the...
Faster faster! They're passing the bill!

Georgia Republicans Sneak In Some Gay-Bashing While Lone Democrat Takes A Leak

The Georgia GOP has pulled the old switcheroo, by advancing a discriminatory bill while the only dissenting member was taking a tinkle. Taking a break from their usual routine of burning textbooks and telling poor kids to suck it, the...

Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why

Ladies, it’s all your fault. Hopefully you realize this by now, because all the evidence is clear, and there is literally nothing that cannot be blamed on you. Like how you will divorce your husband just because he is...

Air Force Missile Crews Full Of Druggies, Cheaters. Like, Worse Than Bloggers, Even.

While we generally are in favor of moral degenerates here at Wonkette -- we know our audience, after all -- we would be much happier to think that, if we have to have nuclear missile silos at all (couldn't...

Why Won’t Feminists Stop Destroying Marriage, Asks Dinesh D’Souza’s Extra Fiancée

Before we begin this post, let's be honest: who wouldn't want this piece of Hayekian sausage tossed down their meat hallway? NOBODY. (I'm sorry, that was disgusting. He's obviously toting hot Burkean bratwurst.) Dinesh D'Sousa d'irected 2016: Obama's America, a wonderful...

Oh Look Here Is Cheating Cheater Mitt Romney Pulling Illegal Notes Out At The Debate (Updated)

My, that takes some brass. We checked. No pre-written notes were allowed. Anyone miss the good old days of George W. Bush's "bullet proof vest"? Update! The Romney campaign claims the object in question is an incredibly starched handkerchief, which...

Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11

Good news! The new Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment report came out, and more Americans are working, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%, and jobs numbers were revised upwards in July and August. Of course, Barry Obama had a bad...

Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny

In our second segment in the series Everything We Always Wanted To Know About Mexico But Now That We Know Can We Unknow It?, we bring you the latest fashions in election vote-fixing, brought to you by president-elect Enrique...

VIDEO SHOCKER: Republican Rep. Mark Souder Made ‘Web Video’ (Against Sex) With His Mistress-Staffer

Tracy Jackson, you have made very poor choices in life. You are pretty and reasonably young. And yet you *allegedly* let this gross old Jesus Freak Republican Family Values Congressman climb all over you and hump on you. Also,...

Hey McCain, Richard Cohen Wants His Mix Tape Back

Ha ha, remember last Friday, before every bank in America liquidated and the New Depression kicked in and we had to boil our dogs for sustenance? Back in those innocent times, people were still fretting about how John McCain...

Jenna Bush’s Wedding Pastor Hates John McCain Very, Very Much

The pastor who presided over the Texas-trash nuptials between Jenna Bush and her husband Mister Butthole is a long-time friend of George W. Bush, but man oh man, he hates the crap out of John McCain. This pastor --...

Barack Obama Cheats Yet Again