Tag Archives: cheating

  reverse cowgirl for jesus

Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why

Ladies, it’s all your fault. Hopefully you realize this by now, because all the evidence is clear, and there is literally nothing that cannot be blamed on you. Like how you will divorce your husband just because he is having penile-vaginal relations with another woman, when it’s obviously your fault he was cheating in the first place! Det Bowers, a pastor challenging Lindsey Graham in the South Carolina GOP Senate primary, once blamed women for causing most divorces — even when husbands are unfaithful to their wives. You’ll never guess the reason. (Hint: It is blatant woman-hating sexism shrouded in a thin veneer of self-righteous religious bullshit.) Read more on Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why…
  you can't cheat in the war room!

Air Force Missile Crews Full Of Druggies, Cheaters. Like, Worse Than Bloggers, Even.

While we generally are in favor of moral degenerates here at Wonkette — we know our audience, after all — we would be much happier to think that, if we have to have nuclear missile silos at all (couldn’t we just convert them to organic hemp farms?), then the men and women staffing them should be the clean-cut super-disciplined teams of steely-eyed cold warriors that we know and love from all those movies, not a bunch of drug-addled fratboys who cheat on tests. Yeah, chuck another stereotype on the fire. Looks like we’re now getting a closer look at the “rot” that we heard about last year, when a bunch of officers got shitcanned for their missile crews’ shoddy preparedness and training. Turns out the problem was a lot wider than that one base in North Dakota, though: The Air Force has suspended security clearances for 34 officers and is re-testing the entire force overseeing America’s nuclear-armed missiles after uncovering widespread cheating on a key proficiency exam. The incident was the largest single case of cheating in America’s nuclear missile wings in memory, and is the latest embarrassment for a force that faces growing questions over discipline and morale in the post-Cold War era. Well, sure, there was some cheating and corruption — and sure, it was discovered as part of an ongoing investigation into drug possession by officers at several different Air Force bases — but as a wise general once said, “I don’t think it’s fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up.” Read more on Air Force Missile Crews Full Of Druggies, Cheaters. Like, Worse Than Bloggers, Even….
  2012: D'Souza's America

Why Won’t Feminists Stop Destroying Marriage, Asks Dinesh D’Souza’s Extra Fiancée

Before we begin this post, let’s be honest: who wouldn’t want this piece of Hayekian sausage tossed down their meat hallway? NOBODY. (I’m sorry, that was disgusting. He’s obviously toting hot Burkean bratwurst.) Dinesh D’Sousa d’irected 2016: Obama’s America, a wonderful little docudrama about how Dinesh D’Souza is a giant fucking racist. He has a long career of saying completely odious things about Barack Obama in particular, because he is a hateful little man with a chewed-up baseball head. He is also a giant goddamn cheater. D’Souza’s speech earned him a standing ovation and a long line at the book-signing table immediately afterward. Although D’Souza has been married for 20 years to his wife, Dixie, in South Carolina he was with a young woman, Denise Odie Joseph II, and introduced her to at least three people as his fiancée. Finally, near 11 p.m., event organizer Tony Beam escorted D’Souza and Joseph to the nearby Comfort Suites. Beam noted that they checked in together and were apparently sharing a room for the night in the sold-out hotel. The next morning, around 6 a.m., Beam arrived back at the hotel and called up to D’Souza’s room. “We’ll be down in 10 minutes,” D’Souza told Beam. D’Souza and Joseph came down together, and Beam took them to the airport. Read more on Why Won’t Feminists Stop Destroying Marriage, Asks Dinesh D’Souza’s Extra Fiancée…
  employment is an inside job

Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11

Good news! The new Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment report came out, and more Americans are working, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%, and jobs numbers were revised upwards in July and August. Of course, Barry Obama had a bad debate on Wednesday, so how could the economy mysteriously be recovering two days after Obama lost the entire election, friends? It’s a CONSPIRACY. At least, that’s what a bunch of Republicans are saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you … BLS Troofers, because of course they are. Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can’t debate so change numbers — Jack Welch (@jack_welch) October 5, 2012 Yes. They went in and tinkered a decades-old system to get a possible bump out of a positive jobs report. This is eminently logical. Also, they changed the buttons on Jack Welch’s clicker, because he simply cannot get the channel changed from this gonzo teen porn to the Hallmark Channel. Hahahaha, we kid, Jack Welch is not a pervert, just an insane demagogue. Read more on Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11…
  the citizens united of mexico

Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny

In our second segment in the series Everything We Always Wanted To Know About Mexico But Now That We Know Can We Unknow It?, we bring you the latest fashions in election vote-fixing, brought to you by president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto’s party, the oddly-named Institutional Revolutionary Party or PRI. (How do you institutionalize revolution, anyway?) Some of the things the PRI did institutionalize over the 70 years they were in power was guaranteeing their own reelection and turning a blind eye to the drug cartels because “job creators.” However, the new handsome, youthful face of the party, Enrique Peña Nieto, PROMISED that his party had CHANGED and he would NEVER go back to the old ways. But he needed to win the election, ya know? So, just a few little cheaty things here and there wouldn’t be noticed, right? It was all for the greater good. On Monday and Tuesday, just after Sunday’s election, an embarrassing Popocatépetl-sized kerfuffle erupted. Thousands of Mexicans crowded into Soriana grocery stores to cash in gift cards that were given to them in exchange for voting for PRI candidates, including Peña Nieto. People who didn’t have gift cards (the stupid ones) couldn’t get into the stores to do their post-weekend shopping. And the people that did have cards were extremely unhappy. It seems that they were told that the gift cards were worth 500 Pesos ($37.50), but they discovered at the store that they were only worth 100 Pesos ($7.50). We know this because los indignados were all interviewed outside the stores by journalists from media outlets not affiliated with Peña Nieto (meaning, non-Mexican media outlets). Read more on Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny…
  gross republican cheater version of 'sex tape'

VIDEO SHOCKER: Republican Rep. Mark Souder Made ‘Web Video’ (Against Sex) With His Mistress-Staffer

Tracy Jackson, you have made very poor choices in life. You are pretty and reasonably young. And yet you *allegedly* let this gross old Jesus Freak Republican Family Values Congressman climb all over you and hump on you. Also, Tracy Jackson, Fox News reports that you are *also* married. UPDATE: Oh you think you can take the video down, you vile slob? Well we have found another copy. Read more on VIDEO SHOCKER: Republican Rep. Mark Souder Made ‘Web Video’ (Against Sex) With His Mistress-Staffer…
  breakup notes

Hey McCain, Richard Cohen Wants His Mix Tape Back

Ha ha, remember last Friday, before every bank in America liquidated and the New Depression kicked in and we had to boil our dogs for sustenance? Back in those innocent times, people were still fretting about how John McCain — a man who built a lifetime career on doing shitty things like leaving his crippled wife, consorting with S&L crooks, pandering to racists, and spewing foul invective at anyone who dared question his Honor — was suddenly not acting like his noble old self. So Richard Cohen is really only about 72 hours behind the curve on this one. Read more on Hey McCain, Richard Cohen Wants His Mix Tape Back…
  kirbyjon's dream land

Jenna Bush’s Wedding Pastor Hates John McCain Very, Very Much

The pastor who presided over the Texas-trash nuptials between Jenna Bush and her husband Mister Butthole is a long-time friend of George W. Bush, but man oh man, he hates the crap out of John McCain. This pastor — a Reverend Kirbyjon(!) Caldwell — supports Barack Obama, weird, and told a bunch of reporters yesterday that John McCain is the worst person in the world — mostly because of that time he suggested his wife join the Miss Bison Shit contest before a crowd of gangbanging bikers, as well as all the crippled wives he’s cheated on in his life. Read more on Jenna Bush’s Wedding Pastor Hates John McCain Very, Very Much…
 

White House Learns From Obama, Horribly Plagiarizes Something

The White House, perhaps impressed with Barack Obama’s success, has plagiarized his greatest asset: plagiarism. Timothy S. Goeglein — a special assistant to President Bush — referenced Eugene Rosenstock-Hussey, an elitist Northeastern ex-professor at Dartmouth College, in a column he penned for the News-Sentinel newspaper. After referencing this guy, Goeglin decided to plagiarize an entire 10-year-old essay someone else had written about Rosenstock-Hussey. Why has Barack Obama not apologized for this? Read more on White House Learns From Obama, Horribly Plagiarizes Something…
 

Barack Obama Cheats Yet Again

You catch him once, he gets suspended for a semester, then goes on academic probation, and then he plagiarizes horribly again. Will Barack Obama ever learn that Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick has copyrights on every word? Apparently not, since he may have stolen yet another whole two sentences from Patrick. Read more on Barack Obama Cheats Yet Again…
 

Walnuts Finds Foolproof Way to Stay On Message

Senator John “WALNUTS!” McCain went on George Stephanopoulos’ show yesterday to babble about Iraq and how we can’t win it until we commit thousands more people to die for no fucking reason. The best part, though, was watching a 2008 Presidential contender blatantly read from his notes on a Sunday show. Is this allowed? Read more on Walnuts Finds Foolproof Way to Stay On Message…
 

Ex-Presidents Bond Over Golf, Hating Current President

It is, apparently, the occasion of the annual George Bush Cape Arundel Classic amateur golf tourney up in Maine. 41 hosted special guest William Jefferson Clinton for a friendly 18 holes in the name of some sort of charity. We like to imagine Bill playing like Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack, but apparently (according to an anonymous tipster at some blog), he’s not that entertaining of a cheater: Read more on Ex-Presidents Bond Over Golf, Hating Current President…