• Yeah yeah alright, the mighty elephant “ballot boxed” (pun!) the snot out of the scrawny little donkey. But check out the guns on that elephant, and his extremely agitated facial expression. ‘Roids. Textbook case. [RedState]
• Everyone gets access to affordable health care? Isn’t that what happened to the Jews at Dachau? The latest scholarship — and some dude with a sign — would suggest so. [Think Progress]
• Delete your Gmail account, pound a two-liter bottle of Robitussin and head for Mexico. You have been way too productive lately, and it’s time to take it easy. [Matt Yglesias]
• Wall Street gets first dibs on the swine flu vaccine! Let us weep for Matt Taibbi. He is still without an FDA-approved vaccine for his uncontrollable rage. [AMERICAblog]

Michael Steele was so enraged by RNC Chairman Michael Steele’s original endorsement of Scuzzlebutt, the Maoist “moderate Republican” candidate in the NY-23 special election, that he has killed that Michael Steele and invented a new Michael Steele to dress up and run around on television as. This Michael Steele despises any semblance of moderation and promises to go Stalin on those moderate motherfuckers he’d already selected to run in various 2010 races. Moo moo, baby, motherfuckin’ cow on the tracks, can’t catch me, I’m on fire… MORE »

Another Friday, another very minor political story closes out. Everything thank old Dan Balz for using the adjective “taps” in this Charlie Crist story, as is required. [Washington Post]

Everybody knew Senator Mel Martinez, the Florida guy who took advantage of what’s known as “the Cuban Exemption” in order to become both a Republican and a Hispanic at the same time, would not run for re-election in 2010. But who knew he’d be resigning his seat a year early? MORE »

America’s favorite orange-skinned reformed bachelor, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, is a pretty OK guy stuck with the unenviable task of governing a drooping land-phallus stuffed with meth fiends, unemployed real estate agents, and pythons. But now Crist has chosen to act like something of a dick to nice Sonia Sotomayor, for whom he would not vote if he were a senator due to her maybe being wishy-washy on the Second Amendment — which is Governor Crists’s favorite amendment of all. MORE »

Ugh this DSCC ad has about a million problems with it. Number one, only one of these people is a “quitter” in the sense of “throwing a weird hissy fit in front of a flock of honking geese and leaving one’s job for no discernible purpose.” MORE »

Hey speaking of our favorite Florida Republicans, how’s the gay moderate wing of the Florida GOP faring against the Cuban wingnut wing, in terms of primary fundraising dollars? Let’s examine Charlie Crist’s ongoing Senatorial death-battle with Latin heartthrob Marco Rubio and make some conclusions! MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Are you bored with run-of-the-mill conspiracies? “The Jews did 9/11!” Yawn. “Where’s Obama’s birth certificate?” Snooze. “The Illuminati pull the strings behind the world’s government!” That’s going to be the plot of a major motion picture directed by Ron fucking Howard and scheduled for summer release, my friend. No, to learn the really exceptionally deranged conspiracy theories tormenting the mind of America’s most paranoid, you have two choices: you can listen to the half-understandable rambling of filth-encrusted hobos, or you can read political cartoons. MORE »

Beloved wingnut blog RedState has taken an important stand against the Senate campaign of orange-skinned gay RINO and Florida Governor Charlie Crist. “If the NRSC thinks this is smart, we must not waste our time or energy with them,” RedState’s Erick Erickson wrote today. “Join me in pledging no money, no help, no aid, and no support for the NRSC’s efforts in the 2010 election cycle.” Yes! MORE »

Oh dear, poor Chuckles. His Senate challenger, Wingnut #A, has already thrown together his first secretly-has-gay-overtones attack ad against the orange governor, who is shown “embracing” Barack Obama, intimately, maybe with his mouth. Or are we reading into this too much? Obviously! But still, OY. Being secretly gay will not make this a fun year-long primary season for Charlie Crist. [The Plum Line]

So says the conservative online comedy hour, The Corner. MORE »