• In case there was still any doubt as to why MTV will never do a season of Real World in DC: a Francis Fukuyama/Charles Krauthammer blowjob scene. [The Corsair]

• If a journalist writes 4000 words on the relevance of journalism in the internet age, and every reader does the first-n-last paragraph scan, do the other 3900 words exist? [New Yorker]
• Referring to the large number of Boston police officers testing positive for marijuana, Urban League CEO says, “it seems like it’s a chronic problem.” [Boston Globe]
• Mention the Washington Time and bad puns spew forth like diarrhea from the mouth. [Fishbowl DC]

It’s been a slow news week, so this morning I was all, like, OMG, do I really have to read the entire new Charles Krauthammer column in the Washington Post to eke out an item? Happily, no! All you have to do is get one line in to discover that in Krauthammerland there were no significant wars for, like, most of the 20th century:

1861. 1941. 2001. Our big wars — and the war on terrorism ranks with the big ones — have a way of starting in the first year of a decade. Supreme Courts, which historically have been loath to intervene against presidential war powers in the midst of conflict, have tended to give the president until mid-decade to do what he wishes to the Constitution in order to win the war.

Interesting opener, isn’t it? What about that war that had Loretta Swit and Alan Alda in it? I seem to remember that one got totally good ratings. And there was a later one, too, I’m pretty sure, and it had awesome guest stars like Tom Cruise and Christopher Walken and Martin Sheen. No? Pffft, Charles Krauthammer doesn’t want to hear about your girly wars. MORE »

Today’s Wonk’d brings us Hu Jintao, guarded like the superpower leader that he is, and Chris Rock — also being guarded, but maybe for different reasons. Jenna Bush and friends were seen, shockingly, waiting their turn in line, but the guys from Franz Ferdinand had ladies waiting in line for them. Media elites Tucker Carlson and David Gregory, ignoring high gas prices, were fillin’ ‘er up. Also spotted: Chelsea Clinton, hiding behind the latest fashions; R. Kelly, trying to get himself in more trouble; and John Ashcroft, ACTUALLY TAKING THE METRO. We deliver what we promise, plus so much more, after the jump.

We love our tipsters and all your hilarious tips, so please keep sending them to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of the spotted celeb). Thanks!

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Sorry for the hiatus, folks. But between the dodgy servers and pictures of Katherine Harris’s breasts did you even notice? If I had to sum up yesterday’s chatfest with one word, it would be this: amneleaksty. Immigration and Fitzgerald investigation dominated — which makes sense when you realize that Fitzgerald’s grandparents were probably immigrants.

Hot topics:
• Immigration bill: “bureaucracy of rubber stamps” or “lack[ing] compassion”?
• Leak investigation: Specter says the President needs to come clean, Kerry says “This was not a declassification to educate America, this was a declassification to mislead America.”
• Nuking Iran. Scary!

Quotes to live by:
• Stephanopoulos wonders “how do you solve this Rubik’s cube” of the budget?
• Dionne asks “What did the president forget and when did he forget it?”
• George Will gets legalistic: The President “was trying to discredit, punish, or seek revenge against a critic… where in the federal statues does it say that is forbidden?”
• And in case you’re wondering why he lost: Russert introduces Kerry thusly as the man who won “48.3 percent” of the popular vote.

Kerry: “I thought it was 49.2″
Tim: “48.3 — But who’s counting?”

After the jump: The most optimistic man in America, the calm and cool Joe Wilson (really), and a testy Schieffer.

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This week’s collection of celebrity sightings is a little disappointing; we’ve seen better around here. Are you all too busy enjoying college basketball, warm weather, and cherry blossoms, leaving you without time to keep your editors informed of the comings and goings of famous people? Please don’t forget to email us with your sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (as well as the name of the spotted celeb).

After the jump: Patti LaBelle, in a purple fur; John King and Gheorghe Muresan, participating in the March Madness; and a bunch of senators on planes.

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* Reliable Source: Stephen Colbert to headline White House Correspondents’ Association dinner. . . Cheney, Rice, Rumsfeld, George Shultz, and Charles Krauthammer partied at Cafe Milano on Friday. . . Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi pledges abstinence until election in April. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Sen. McCain’s home is a tough sell at $3.75m. . . Sen. Cornyn (R-Texas) lampooned Sen. Kennedy (D-Mass.) with remarks on Alito. . . Comedian Steve Carell runs for Congress in upcoming film. [The Hill]
* Inside Politics: Sen. Ensign (R-Nev.) suffers slight injuries after head-on collision with sleepy driver. . . Bush calls Bill Clinton “my new brother”. . . Tony Blair’s son begins congressional internship today. [WT]
* Page Six: “Enviro-babe and screenwriter” Nora Maccoby likely behind Bush’s State of the Union environmentalism. [NYP]
* Liz Smith: Chip Reid married on Jan. 2. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bill Clinton uses Davos forum to state, for the record, that he is not married to John McCain. [NYDN]

• Libby is expected to be charged today with making false statements to the jury; investigation of Rove will continue as Fitzgerald will extend the inquiry. McClellan will not brief today and Bush will spend the weekend at Camp David. [NYT, WSJ]
• Libby shops for an attorney; Rove looks for a P.R. team. [WP]
• Next Supreme Court nominee could be named within days; “aggressive opposition from conservatives” caused Harriet Miers to withdraw. The “endgame” began early this week. [WP, WP, NYT, NYT, WSJ, LAT, WT]
• The worst week of Bush’s political life is not over yet. Scholar: “Is there a Howard Baker moment? And if there’s a Howard Baker moment, who’s Howard Baker?” [WP, NYT]
• Miers nomination “was an episode that seemed wholly out of character with the president’s style.” Brownstein: “[T]he president no longer can consistently impose his will on his party, much less the Congress or the country.” [WP, LAT, USAT]
• “Senators came to bury Miers yesterday, not to praise her,” Milbank writes. Lott sings “Happy Days Are Here Again!” [WP, WT]
• Miers remained upbeat and loyal throughout the process. Former colleague: “The White House didn’t pay attention, and the right just chewed her up. It was like a gang, a lynch mob.” [NYT, WP, WSJ]
• Conservative pundits had their way. Charles Krauthammer: “I guess she reads my column.” [WP, LAT]
• Bush was apparently the last to know of her withdrawal. [WT]

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