If you’ve ever dreamed of joining four other random slobs for a very sexy dinner with Sarah Palin and her snowmobile stoner husband Todd, next Tuesday is your lucky day! Maybe. That’s when you can start bidding on the eBay for a special group-food-eating occasion with some unemployed woman in Alaska who — for reasons not even Republicans pretend to understand — was a media celebrity for a few months last year. MORE »

Some cancers have all the luck. They get big races in the beginning of summer when it’s not too hot, lots of great post-race refreshments, and the satisfaction of raising millions of dollars for education, research and treatment. If you could be any cancer, it seems like breast cancer would totally be the way to go. And if you feel like doing something to eradicate this disease, hungover or not, get up early on Saturday morning and run the Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure. MORE »

Thursday, April 9: This month’s Going Out Guide Happy Hour takes place at Current and sports, what else, a cherry blossom theme. Of course, who really cares where or why when there’s free sushi, $4 sake bombs, $5 (cherry blossom) martinis, and other Japanese-inspired drink specials. Also, famous-y DJ Christine Moritz (who has opened for Thievery Corporation on occasion) will perform. 6PM to 8PM, free. [WaPo, Current] MORE »

Shut up shut up shut up shhut shut shut up shup shut ut shup shut up. SHHH. What the hell. Jason Bateman why are you talking about your poop. Here’s our “Obama pledge,” you queers, and that’s simply to let people die when they get death diseases rather than watch the U.S. go bankrupt over a health care problem, which seems to be your ultimate goal. This pledge requires much less effort than Demi Moore’s pledge, which is “to free one million slaves in the next five years.” Like, WHAT? Does she even have a plan for that? C’mon. C’MON. Bwah bwah bwah. [via Andrew Sullivan]

What better way to celebrate your favorite President-elect than by taking a leering purple gnome-head and rubbing it joyously over your nethers? Buy sixteen million for your family and friends, for the holidays, and they will never ask you for a holiday gift again. [Etsy via Washington Post]

Here’s a nice drawing by the White House “Dean of Correspondents,” Helen Thomas, that you can buy for three figures on eBay. Or you can, you know, do anything else. But all of the money will be donated to sick people with… neurofibromatosis! So just buy it, now. [eBay]

Here is John McCain, dressed in a Budweiser-NASCAR costume, with his $100-million-dollar wife, who owns Budweiser, and NASCAR hero and Iraq War promoter Dale Earnhardt (Junior), the president of the Confederacy. MORE »

* Presidential hopefuls travel to Las Vegas this weekend to IM with voters. [Think Progress]
* If it costs $950 to have lunch with Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson, then it must cost at least two grand to not have lunch with them. [Charitybuzz]
* Movie-line jokes about Fred Thompson’s candidacy to wear thin rapidly. Laugh now. [Vodka Pundit]
* The Other 85 U.S. Attorneys keep truckin’ along in their partisan hackaday lives. [Robert Reich]
* Doing things like letting Jack Abramoff out of jail. [Guardian]
* Tom DeLay didn’t write or read his own book. [Political Wire]
* Bill O’Reilly’s hatred of NBC will be tested. [Intoxination]
* Why is James Inhofe such a dick? [Firedoglake]

Friday
* Beaujolais Nouveau party at the Alliance Francaise. Simone Marchand and the Mediterranean group Gibraltar will perform. $32 at 6:30PM. [Alliance Francaise]
* Bob Dylan at George Mason. $59.50 at 7:30PM. [GMU]
* Joanna Newsom is sold out. [Black Cat]
Saturday
* Amy Millan (Stars) at the Black Cat with Eric Bachmann (Crooked Fingers). $13 at 9PM. [Black Cat]
* Brazilian Girls DJ at the Rock and Roll Hotel and local designers display their clothes. Free before 10PM, $10 after. [Rock and Roll Hotel]
* Brian Wilson performs Pet Sounds in its entirety at the Warner Theatre. $55 at 8PM. [Ticketmaster]
* Kegs For Kids is an annual party that benefits the US Marine Corp charity Toys For Tots. This year’s party is at the Hawk ‘n’ Dove. $25 goes to kiddies and gets you unlimited Bud from 7-11PM. [Toys for Tots]
Sunday
* Last day of The Bluest Eye at the H Street Playhouse. $26 at 2 & 8PM. [Theater Alliance]
* Taiwan’s Three Times at the Freer. Directed by Hou Hsiao-hsien, Three Times is about three couples in different eras, all played by the same two actors.
Free at 2PM, tickets required. [The Freer]

• Israel’s #1 Hip Hop group Hadag Nahash. $20 at 8PM. Sixth & I Historic Synagogue. [Sixth and I]
• The Glover Park Whole Foods will donate 5% of its proceeds to benefit sick kids at Georgetown University hopsital and others around the country. Today only. [Hope For Henry]
• Panel: “Where do students’ rights to free speech stand today?” Includes Mary Beth Tinker and many others. Free at 7PM. Archives. [Archives]
• Hott Beat, Big Digits, Person, Donna Parker, Naomi, Jesse Petersen at the warehouse $8 at 8:30PM [WND]
• Political juggernauts Matthew Dowd, Doug Sosnik and Ron Fournier sign Applebee’s America at 5:30PM. 2550 M St, NW. Food, drinks. Strangely, doesn’t seem to be at an Applebee’s. [Applebee's America]