• Yesterday happened! Recall its winners: Bloomberg, Owens, Christie, various Others. [New York Times]
• It was also yesterday in Virgina too, where Bob McDonnell defeated Creigh Deeds and is therefore the state’s new governor. [Washington Post]
• The state of Maine poured rock salt on gay marriage and voted to up the medical marijuana usage. [WSJ]
• Today is the 30th anniversary of the US Embassy takeover/hostage thing in Tehran, but if today’s mass demonstrations showed anything, it’s that people don’t even need any hostages to yell about hating America. [CNN]
• Bernanke and Friends are likely to decline raising the interest rate. [AP]
• An Afghan soldier literally went rogue and just cold killed five British soldiers with a machine gun inside a police checkpoint. No cheeky Nation polemic is expected to follow. [Times Online]

It is 1945 all over again. A major historical War for the White House has ended forever, and the liberals won. The liberals do not usually win these things because they are scared of fighting, so who knows how this happened. Whatever. They can “govern” till the cows come home. The real story now is the new post-election Cold War that’s rapidly developing between McCain aides, Palin aides, conservative bloggers, conservative teevee hosts, conservative columnists… basically any GOP operative with a half-decent Rolodex and a certain moral flexibility. They are all shitting on each other. This is the greatest Cold War we’ve ever had the pleasure of covering. Let’s try to make some sense of it. MORE »

Barney Frank is ANGRY, again, and John McCain better stay away from the portly House Financial Services Committee chairman. He says they’re all working with “serious Republicans” but that obviously means no McCain. Frank’s doing a live press conference, which we would liveblog, but we already did one of those this morning and it’s not even noon. Also, the People are going to start lynching CEOs (which is racist) if there’s not some relief for the common folks, &c. MORE »

Oh you thought Hillary Clinton won Texas on March 4? Think again! Instead of a normal voting system, Texas has a vast and specially designed labyrinth of despair that prevents all but the most froth-mouthed true believers from ever emerging with something called a “vote” — so upon second inspection, it looks like the latest round goes to Barack Obama. MORE »

Nobody can believe how many voters are actually trying to vote, despite today’s primary being possibly the most insanely hyped primary election in the entire human history of elections, going back to Ancient Greece or wherever. According to stunned sources, the same New Hampshire authorities who made this nice wheelchair-pizza logo apparently forgot to print up enough ballots for the, uh, voters. There is a siren on Drudge, people! [ABC News]

America has finally learned the steep price it must pay for handing over so much control to the Robots. In the pre-dawn hours of Sunday, hundreds of millions of electronic clocks, cell phones, parking meters, microwaves, video games, air conditioner thermostats, digital cameras, remote-controlled vibrators and nuclear devices automatically switched to “Daylight Savings Time,” even though Congress wantonly switched the “fall back” date to next Sunday in some otherwise unrelated pile of legislation passed in 2005 — and no-one alive today will ever forget the tragic consequences. MORE »

Washington DC, the most powerful city in the world, was paralyzed last night by a deadly “wintry mix” of frozen water and slightly less frozen water. Upwards of two inches of the mysterious powder descended upon the city like white death, leaving buses running on emergency schedules, trains aflame, and major roads beset with vigilantes on tricked-out motorcycles. MORE »

Panic! There’s SNOW outside! As the federal government struggles to cope with this strange, cold, slippery water-like substance that’s coated every exposed surface of the city, employees everywhere are being sent home early — so no one’s reading us! MORE »

Guess what Jenna Bush is getting for Christmas? The love and awe of some Buenos Aires guy in a trucker cap who maybe makes $400 a month. Hooray for romance! It knows no boundaries!

Wonkette operative “Bill” has mysterious business ties with Argentina, which is why he keeps up with whatever the Bush Twins are doing down there. He translated a chunk of this article that reveals way too much about Ramiro González Palazzo and how impressed he is that a woman is allowed to have a credit card.

You know you want it, and it’s after the jump.

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The violence and chaos that followed Air Force One from Asia to Hawaii has claimed the life of Honolulu motorcycle officer Steve Favella. MORE »

Here’s your BREAKING UPDATE on the Bush Twins’ Argentine Adventure, featuring abandoned presidential daughters and possible assassination attempts:

Barbara made headlines last week when she was robbed in a Buenos Aires restaurant; somebody apparently made off with her purse and cell phone. Secret Service agents claimed they “remotely erased” the mobile’s memory, thus denying America the naked drunken Bush Twins photos we so desperately need in these dark times. (But there’s no reason to believe the twins’ Secret Service detail, as the agents didn’t even notice the purse-snatching, because they were too busy being savagely beaten in the streets.)

Unfazed by the chaos and crime, the sisters continued their rampage because they were celebrating their 25th birthdays — and possibly preparing an escaped-Nazi-style South American lair for their soon-to-be deposed father. Lots more, after the jump.

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