Relive WALNUTS’ Big Speech In All Its Failure
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
John McCain’s speech last night — the kickoff to his general election campaign — was, simply, constipated. Whenever he tried to make one of his “zingers,” he started giggling or, as the still to your left shows, he whipped out the ol’ gun-slinger gesture to recognize his four supporters (1:28 into the below clip). There was no Gravitas to his terrible lies this time, and everything was green, and he questioned the government’s need to solve problems while speaking in New Orleans. Did “Cougs” Cindy slip him a percocet, or did old WALNUTS! just spend 10 minutes too long with his ether rag yesterday afternoon? Anyway, check out the comical highlight reel below, which ends with a crescendo of “Th-that’s not ch-ange we can be-ee-lieve in.” MORE »
John McCain’s speech last night — the kickoff to his general election campaign — was, simply, constipated. Whenever he tried to make one of his “zingers,” he started giggling or, as the still to your left shows, he whipped out the ol’ gun-slinger gesture to recognize his four supporters (1:28 into the below clip). There was no Gravitas to his terrible lies this time, and everything was green, and he questioned the government’s need to solve problems while speaking in New Orleans. Did “Cougs” Cindy slip him a percocet, or did old WALNUTS! just spend 10 minutes too long with his ether rag yesterday afternoon? Anyway, check out the comical highlight reel below, which ends with a crescendo of “Th-that’s not ch-ange we can be-ee-lieve in.” MORE »
Here’s a fact: David Brooks wrote the worst column in American History this morning. Well, maybe of this week, or of this morning only. It was definitely the worst New York Times column he wrote today. It involves bird flu, or the measles, or some sort of viral “sensation” where Barack Obama is heroin and Hillary Clinton is the methadone clinic, and hippies are guided by invisible shark spirits. 
In an interview with NBC today, George W. Bush responded to all these candidates talking about Change, because what’s so bad with the way things are now? Of course it’s nothing, he says. It’s just something those politick-types like to say to win presidential elections and maybe get laid. 
Your Wonkette traveled to the mysterious ghost town of Rochester, NH, this afternoon to hear Barry Obama talk about Change. As you may know, Barack Obama is the candidate of Change, and some anti-abortion people interrupted the beginning of his Change speech to to heckle him for Changing living fetuses into trashcan filler.