Wonkette

Many years ago there was a television show called The Simple Life, in which two wealthy, jabbering fools toured the country making fun of poor people. There was a fat idiot and a skinny one, and then the fat one also became skinny, and that is when she finally earned the respect of all America! And now this gal has a babydaddy, and they went to Coachella where all the classy rich people go to watch their Prince, and that is when the very important news broke that they are both voting for Barack Obama, the candidate of rich morans everywhere. [Us Magazine]

Now that the comical idiot girl with the porn star breastises has been appointed John McCain’s vice president and third wife, another “actor” from The Hills has to endorse Barack Obama, for balance. Otherwise The Hills‘ sterling reputation as an unbiased news source will wind up in the trash, along with Heidi Montag’s first nose. So who is this dumb, lightly be-stubbled youngster Brody Jenner, and why does he like the Democrat Barack Obama? MORE »

Even though she lost every primary, caucus, and bake-off in the continental United States (and the Virgin Islands!) this weekend, Hillary Clinton has this whole Presidential nomination thing in the bag. Her secret weapon: brave political leader and sometime animated cat dancer Paula Abdul, who effectively gives Clinton the nod in the LA Times. MORE »

Wonkette’s “Polaroid Liz” Glover is up at New York City’s Fashion Week, with all the famous Movie Stars and popular musicians and various other hobos! Aside from looking at all the pretty new clothes, Liz harassed these celebrities about their presidential endorsements. Nicky Hilton is oblivious to everything, Maggie Gyllenhaal is a mute, and Pharrell Williams wants to know what Liz thinks. Clearly none of them know that there’s an election this year, because celebrities aren’t very smart.