Wonkette

Hey look, that mumbly blonde from the Woody Allen movies was only engaged to Barack Obama for a few months before throwing him over for, uh, that guy from The Notebook. No wait that is Ryan Gosling. Anyhow, we hope this latest engagement may reach a merciful, swift conclusion so that Ms. Johansson can get back to the very important work of fucking Benicio Del Toro in elevators. [People]

Every four years, America learns that young, attractive entertainers like Miss Jennifer Garner support the Democrats, while, uh, Bo Derek supports the Republicans. But this presidential campaign is so different! Why? Because there are now old, ugly entertainers supporting a Democrat. The photo evidence may shock you! MORE »

A comical idiot girl on the teevee show The Hills has endorsed John McCain, according to TMZ and US Weekly. This pretty much ensures that Old Man Walnuts will become president. Let’s explore the cultural/political significance of Heidi Montag, who apparently goes around in public in a whimsical prostitute nightgown, after the jump.

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The Los Angeles Times‘ most famous blogger has up a little Q&A with the basketball-loving Democratic presidential candidate. We are assured that a President Obama would install a hoop on White House grounds. [The Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Blog] MORE »

St. Barack of Obama spoke to trashy supermarket tabloid US Weekly! They asked him a bunch of dumb questions — the stuff of interest to, we imagine, US Weekly readers — and he sort of held his nose and half-answered them. But what kind of underwear does our handsomest president prefer? MORE »

Ok we don’t actually give a shit about Russell Crow, Leonardo Di Caprio, or Ridley Scott, but it might be worth it to go see “two cars… mechanically overturned in the street” over at Eastern Market. Or shit, maybe you missed it already, who knows? [BYT]

America, get ready for eight glorious, god-fearing years of the Sam Brownback Presidency. It’s a done deal now that he’s netted this crucial endorsement: MORE »

Paulie Walnuts and Melissa Gilbert are the only celebrities giving money to a Republican. And it’s Rudy, because they love America and hate firemen. Mark Ruffalo hearts Mike Gravel because they both have funny names and enjoy throwing things. John Lithgow gave Chris Dodd $1,000 and we don’t even have a joke for that. [CNN]