Wonkette

John McCain and Sarah Palin recently held a rally in Green Bay for 10,000 people, but sad Barack Obama could only scare up 6,000 at noon on a Monday. He promised to talk about our nation’s flourishing economy and instead just delivered a weird lecture about how important it is to put lobbyist meetings online via a hidden sexcam. Then an organizer came out and made this weird election-day threat: “Volunteer for at least one hour or spend four years regretting that you did not.” Barack Obama is resorting to scare tactics and hidden lobbyist pornography. He must be panicking! [Chicago Sun-Times]

Here’s your “Friday Fun Video” that has nothing to do with politics, thank GOD. This week, Wonkette videographer Liz Glover is wearing her other hat as BlackBook reporter in New York City for Fashion Week, an event to honor 9/11 with fancy clothes. Liz interviews insane “art film” director and actor Vincent Gallo and asks him, comically, if his leather jacket is “pleather.” Gallo loses his shit and threatens to track down Liz and fuck her up. Ha ha! Liz responds that her father was in ‘Nam, which he was. [BlackBook]

WELL OF COURSE: “A source close to the Beverly Hills baby store Petit Tresor tells CelebTV.com exclusively that a gift from Plain Mary was sent to Bristol Palin on behalf of Jamie Lynn Spears.” [CelebTV via Radar]

He used to be a famous maverick who spent all his time yukking it up with Ed McMahon in the “Golden Age of Television,” but these days John McCain can’t even get a commitment from actors-turned-Republican governors like Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is the sad situation reported today by Hollywood gossip paper the New York Daily News, which says the Dem convention will be one giant sexy celebrity event, while McCain’s convention in St. Paul will be lucky to get Kid Rock, who will probably just wake up in the dumpster behind Xcel Center and decide to attend the RNC because he can get a can of beer there, maybe. MORE »

• THE FREE MARKET, IT WORKS!: All of you gossip hounds probably know this already, but the website for popular celebrity magazine Us Weekly is actually “UsMagazine.com,” whereas “UsWeekly.com” is, well, an anti-Obama smear site. Oh it’s talking about liberation theology… oh my. [The Frisky]

OK, so maybe the McCain campaign has done its private polling and thinks this stuff will work, but… couldn’t they try to be slightly more ridiculous? We speak of the memo that idiot campaign manager Rick Davis sent out today: “Only a celebrity of Barack Obama’s magnitude could attract 200,000 fans in Berlin who gathered for the mere opportunity to be in his presence. These are not supporters or even voters, but fans fawning over The One. Only celebrities like Barack Obama go to the gym three times a day, demand ‘MET-RX chocolate roasted-peanut protein bars and bottles of a hard-to-find organic brew — Black Forest Berry Honest Tea’ and worry about the price of arugula.” What is this saying, exactly? MORE »

Which is worse: MoveOn.org with a sense of humor or without one? Trick question, the answer is “nuke them all.” Here is their new “funny” ad about how a bunch of people have the Hope Disease, as embodied by a cute lil’ chicken. Will that chicken be sent to Iraq later, like baby Alex? Meh. This video is especially hilarious because it features “Shawn” from hit loser teevee show Boy Meets World. You know, “Shawn,” the one that lived with the English teacher who had a motorcycle. [YouTube, First Read]

Much as we’d like to ignore them, teevee bimbo Heidi Montag and her idiot boyfriend Spencer Pratt keep finding their way onto this site. First they endorse John McCain, and then Heidi becomes friends with Meghan McCain, another random unemployed blogger. Tsk tsk, Meghan! This crowd does not like you for your personality! Because if you look now, Heidi & Spencer are publicly bragging about how they’ll get Meghan to pull some strings with her father for a trip to “entertain the troops.” But entertain how? MORE »

You know how the New York Times turned down John McCain’s editorial because it was boring or whatever? We think we found it — it’s running in the Washington Post today, cleverly disguised under the pseudonym “Richard Cohen,” and it’s a full-on Andy Rooney-style rant about the youngsters and their awful tattoos (pictured, left). Today’s horrible tattoos are symptomatic of our decadent moral decline, whereas the horrible tattoos of yesteryear actually stood for something … or so says one angry, drunken geezer. MORE »

Well, we’re glad that the planners of the Democratic National Convention have so diligently put together their celebrity cameo list for Denver. They have announced that Kanye West, Wyclef Jean, and N.E.R.D. will perform music shows. Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson, Warren Beatty, Annette Bening, Forrest Whitaker, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Cheryl Hines and Edward Norton Jr. have promised to smile for the cameras. Corporate sponsors include United Airlines, Google, Coors Brewing Company, Anheuser-Busch, Xcel Energy, Motorola, Qwest, and AT&T. So many announcements, and such organization! At this rate, the DNCC might actually review media applications soon and let members of the press know whether or not they should buy expensive plane tickets. [WP/The Sleuth]

Hey look, that mumbly blonde from the Woody Allen movies was only engaged to Barack Obama for a few months before throwing him over for, uh, that guy from The Notebook. No wait that is Ryan Gosling. Anyhow, we hope this latest engagement may reach a merciful, swift conclusion so that Ms. Johansson can get back to the very important work of fucking Benicio Del Toro in elevators. [People]

Every four years, America learns that young, attractive entertainers like Miss Jennifer Garner support the Democrats, while, uh, Bo Derek supports the Republicans. But this presidential campaign is so different! Why? Because there are now old, ugly entertainers supporting a Democrat. The photo evidence may shock you! MORE »

A comical idiot girl on the teevee show The Hills has endorsed John McCain, according to TMZ and US Weekly. This pretty much ensures that Old Man Walnuts will become president. Let’s explore the cultural/political significance of Heidi Montag, who apparently goes around in public in a whimsical prostitute nightgown, after the jump.

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The Los Angeles Times‘ most famous blogger has up a little Q&A with the basketball-loving Democratic presidential candidate. We are assured that a President Obama would install a hoop on White House grounds. [The Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Blog] MORE »