Forget about Barry winning Connecticut or Hillary taking California in yesterday’s primary vote. The real Super Tuesday miracle story happened many millions of miles to the west, in a remote island kingdom called American Samoa. Here “ordinary American Samoans” who will not actually be able to vote in November participated in a Democratic caucus of epic proportions. Clinton took home the prize with an astonishing 163 votes. Stealth candidate Mike Gravel got a vote, though! [AP via KITV]

Ron Paul’s “Maine Strategy,” previously unmentioned by the Main Stream Media because they hate happiness, is finally kicking into gear. Ron Paul has waited, and now will win both nominations — because he just might win the Maine caucuses this weekend. MORE »

THOSE ARE MIKE HUCKABEE’S LEGS! They look like unfried, defrosting unbreaded mozzarella sticks from the Old Country Buffet, Ukraine version. More ugly photos of major presidential candidates from Caucus/Primary Saturday after the jump, including bona fide evidence that Hillary Clinton is the dementor who let Bellatrix Lestrange out of Azkaban. MORE »

*MITT WINS UNIMPORTANT THING FOR REPUBLICANS:* Mittens has won the Nevada caucuses by like 45 points over John McCain and Dr. Ron Paul. Among Democrats, the lady and the Kenyan fellow are neck-and-neck. [CNN]

A federal judge declined to issue an injunction against the Nevada Democratic Party’s plan to allow casino workers to caucus near their places of employment rather than their homes. Judge James Mahan said the party could set up its caucuses however it saw fit and would only have been interested if the proposals had discriminated against a protected class (sex, ethnicity, religion or disability). The only class of people the rules appear not to favor are those who want to see Hillary win even at the cost of making it difficult/impossible for others to vote. [Reuters]

Rudy Giuliani on his current sixth place status: “None of this worries me - Sept. 11, there were times I was worried.” Parse at will. [NY Daily News]

It’s afternoon on the day of the Iowa caucuses (huzzah!), which is about time for the candidates that are obviously going to lose, that were always going to lose and lose badly, to make backup plans. They need 15% to make the second ballot tonight, but when has Dennis Kucinich, Joe Biden or Bill Richardson ever seen a number like that next to his name? But perhaps, for a little price, the ObaMafia can help them complete this task… MORE »

The two final Iowa polls. THIS IS IT, then we get an off day tomorrow, then polls for 2012 caucuses begin Saturday. The American Research Group poll puts Hillary at 34%, Obama at 25% and Edwards at 21%. Aaaaand off to the liquor store… oh wait, Zogby puts Obama at 31%, Edwards at 27% and Hillary at 24%! Huh. Aaaaand continue going to the liquor store. As for the Republicans, Huckabee has a modest lead over Romney in both. And third place is its own cute little charity contest, with McCain, Thompson and RON PAUL each around 10%. Actually there are very high stakes for each of these candidates re: New Hampshire/campaign-destruction, but we’ll just make fun of them for playing the pathetic third place match today. [Zogby, ARG]

Eh, it’s a holiday, but the Iowa thing we’ve been talking about for a while happens in two days, so I’m forcing my unpaid ass to post all the latest news — including how Mike Huckabee may have kinda sorta actively destroyed his chances yesterday! And it’s after the jump! Bulleted lists and videos and such! MORE »

Ryan Grim at Politico gives a wet, slobbery rim job to Dana Milbank of the WaPo this morning in his article about where people hang out in Des Moines - Dana is the sole reporter quoted in the article, which we’re guessing was written at the 801 and not Centro (which is pictured). But as much as boys like their steaks and cigars, some of us prefer a nice bottle of red and a little pasta to ward off the freezing cold. The only thing that actually sucks about Centro, though, is the fact that they have to put the pronunciation on the sign because the Iowans don’t know how to pronounce it. You don’t see Michel Richard putting the pronunciation on the sign for Central, because he figures if you don’t know how to pronounce it, you don’t deserve to eat there. [Politico]

• How do you become a nominee if you don’t actually compete in any primaries? Giuliani must be reading the Alan Keyes Guide to Winning Elections. [Wizbang Politics]

• Democrats didn’t fund a border fence, but they did send Tom Tancredo a hammer and a bunch of nails. [Think Progress]
• Wait, do you’re saying that teh gays don’t fuck dead children? [Election Central]
• Have $34m dollars to spend and penchant for gang rape? This yacht’s for you! [Fresh Intelligence]
• Gay conspiracy toddlers who are apparently in fifth grade. [WorldNet Daily]
• Both Republicans and Democrats in Iowa understand that the caucuses are the only things that matter about their state. [Swamp Politics]