Wonkette

AS WYOMING GOES, SO GOES THE …. The Wyoming Caucus is crazy! There are thousands of people trying to get inside tiny barns or whatever, because there are 18 delegates at stake, and that could really not really decide anything, either. Nobody has noticed a Democratic Caucus since 1960, which is like a half-century ago. [AP/Google]

The Texas Caucus will never be decided, and not because of some Diebold terrorist glitch, either. No, it is because old people don’t know the meaning of “transgendered,” and when caucus officials tried to explain it to them last night due to ballot confusion, the old people cursed them out and refused to give any gender at all. As our secret Texas caucus official operative “Bob” notes, “Democratic officials must now determine whether caucusers who refused to properly disclose this information must be disqualified.” MORE »

Suck it, McCain! The Reverend Mike Huckabee just won the caucus in West Virginia, we think. Here’s an exclusive report from “Scott D,” our Wonkette Operative in WV: “McCain voters pushed him over 50% in the 2nd round of voting.” What does it mean? Also, Ron Paul was Eliminated. [Fox News]

While you people had a nice weekend, we went back to Nevada for Caucus Day. It was a very special time. We also “virtually” went to South Carolina, in our minds, to cover the GOP primary. Here’s what you missed: MORE »

While this Casino Caucus video can’t compete with Wonkette’s Cloverfield Coverage, it does provide actual verification of our hysterical claims: Nobody in Nevada even knows what Caucus means, let alone how to hold one. [Why Tuesday?]

“Romney’s thrilled about his Magical Mormon victory in Nevada, where nobody but Romney (and Ron Paul!) bothered to campaign. It’s a very, very important victory, according to Romney. And CNN just cut off Hillary so we could hear Romney trot out another old story about his wife. But the best part of the Nevada GOP results is, obviously, Dr. Congressman Paul’s performance. He’s in second place, 200 votes ahead of McCain and three thousand votes ahead of Rudy Giuliani. Go Ron Paul! [Guardian]

So, turns out you can take crappy videos with this crappy little PowerShot I carry around ….

Here’s an idea as innovative as the Nevada Caucus “First In The West” itself: Invite the press, lock them in a terrible underground ballroom in a casino somewhere, and make sure there’s no sort of Internet or wireless or anything. Hooray! Anyway, that’s where your editor has been, and here’s the chilling semi-live-blogged account of this weird, weird process. MORE »

Suck it, Barry! You only got like three percent less than Hillary! NOBODY LIKES BLACK PEOPLE.

Of course, you, the Wonkette reader with Internet Access, already know this, thanks to Newell’s post and, perhaps, teevee news. Lots more coming, including a stupid movie! [Las Vegas Sun]

Who loves Reno? Hardly anybody, that’s who. But the “Biggest Little City” and star of teevee’s Reno 911 is all excited about its role in the “First In The West” caucus tomorrow, as you can see from the Reno Gazette Journal’s lead story right now. [Reno Gazette-Journal]