Wonkette

This is an actual fat cat named “Chunks” who is, of course, hiding under a chair in the green room of the MSNBC studio. Here’s how this obese monster got famous: “BLACKWOOD, N.J. — Turns out, the economy is the reason a 44-pound cat found lumbering the streets of New Jersey became homeless. The Camden County Animal Shelter said the cat’s owner came forward to say she had to abandon the tubby tabby because her home was foreclosed.” Naturally, no one cares about the owner having lost her home. MORE »

A new poll from the venerable AP-Yahoo partnership shows that pet owners prefer John McCain over Barack Obama, 42% to 37%. (The other 21%, we assume, support pet-loving failure Mitt Romney.) Dog owners, especially, support John McCain by a wide margin, while cat owners of course lean towards known homosexual Barack Obama. Obama owns no pets because he hates domesticated beasts. But — as the AP tells us — John McCain owns a “veritable menagerie” of creatures. Sexy! MORE »

My, isn’t the realm of magnificent Paultard videos flourishing these days? Well there’s plenty of room on the YouTubes for every Paultard, not just the ones trying to buy blimps for campaign voyages to Middle Earth. In the accompanying picture you’ll find Paultard A, who last night stupided upon an even better way than blimps to spread Paultardism. Thankfully for our purposes, he e-mailed his Ron Paul listserve about the creative process:

Tonight I was playing with my cat with a laser pointer, thinking about Ron Paul as well as my newest toy an ancient Tibetan Singing Bowl.

Decided to throw the thoughts together and make a short video (less than a minute). The video doesn’t focus on spreading Ron Paul’s message, but does get his name out there by shear presence. The video is both animal fun and background advertising for Ron Paul. Consider sending the video link to your non-political friends to help further Ron Paul’s name recognition. (emphasis ours)

Paultard A’s brilliant study in subliminal psycho-advertising, after the jump. MORE »

Even though he’s long dead, the feds are still trying to fuck over Ernest Hemingway. First, they monitored his “activities.” Now, the USDA want his cats, 50 feline descendants of Papa’s pets.
Giving Paws: Your Tax Dollars And The Hemingway Cats [CBS] MORE »

Adorable kitten curls up beside copy of the US Constitution… [CBS]

* There’s been a “massive surge in the rat population on Capitol Hill as a result of Eastern Market burning down, causing a rat exodus of massive proportions.” [Prince of Petworth]
* “God, what a fucked up country we’ve become. Ronald fucking Reagan was the greatest american ever, according to some poll by People magazine or whoever. Not Jefferson, not Washington, not Hamilton or Lincoln, but a b grade actor potted plant that was a front man for the religious right.” [Craigslist]
* Do you enjoy “pigeonholing the opposite sex”? [Roissy in DC]
* Gary Bauer hates the pampered pets of Dupont Circle. [Girl From the South]
* New farmers market at 14th & U. [Draw Me a Sheep]

As our memory-challenged nation forgot all about the Virginia Tech Massacre and (again) the lost war in Iraq, littlest presidential candidate and Ohio congressman Dennis Kucinich was supposedly going to finally introduce the Impeachment Business against Dick Cheney. But ….

“News reports this morning indicate the Vice President was experiencing a medical crisis. Until the Vice President’s condition is clarified, I am placing any action on hold,” Kucinich said.

According to the news reports we’ve seen, the doctors just injected another batch of fresh partial-birth-abortion stem cells into the veep’s legs, which they do every Monday morning. What will delay Kucinich next time? The cat who plays the piano? MORE »

FDA vet chief Stephen F. Sundlof announced this morning that imported “wheat gluten” poisoned with melamine is what’s killing American dogs and cats and generally driving people crazy. The goop is imported from a Chinese factory and then shipped to Canada, and mushed up with god knows what at some factory in Ontario (and then in Kansas!) before being packaged in a thousand different labels — from expensive boutique brands to Wal-Mart generic — and sold all over North America. MORE »

The much-anticipated Loretta Sanchez holiday cards are here, and an anonymous operative was kind enough to forward one to us. MORE »

Here’s to you, anonymous emailer, for our favorite tip of the day! MORE »

Our national nervous breakdown continues: A 43-year-old Pennsylvania man calmly showed up at his polling place, went to his assigned machine and destroyed it with a “metal cat paperweight.” MORE »

The Senate’s own cat-mutilating gorilla surgeon can no longer call himself a doctor. Not legally, anyway.

Bill Frist lost his medical license after he was caught creating a hybrid cat-ape-human species from Terri Schiavo’s stem cells without the Continuing Education credits that doctors need to maintain their practice.

Also, Frist lied about it and got caught. Read about the dashed presidential hopes of Schiavo’s Hero, after the jump.

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You tolerated her as the teary-eyed wife of Rob Petrie on The Dick Van Dyke Show and the straight gal on her “breakthrough” eponymous show (you know the one where she threw her hat up into the air during the opening credits and played straight gal to Capt. Stubing of the Love Boat)–and you absolutely loved her like a tortured Harvey Keitel-tormented-Catholic-type in her 1969 (!) Elvis-nun flick, Change of Habit (it was her personal Mean Streets and Bad Lieutenant rolled into one, with a touch of The Piano thrown in for good measure!).

But for all of us who revel in the federally funded wanton murder of leftover frozen embryos in the hopes of curing everything from spinal cord injuries to simple chronic halitosis, public diabetic Mary Tyler Moore shone like a beacon yesterday as the U.S. Senate approved a stem-cell research bill. There she was, reports the Chicago Sun-Times’ Lynn Sweet in Mickey Spillanesque prose, confabbing with admitted cat killer and stem cell backer, Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.):

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We’re guessing: MORE »