Tag Archives: cato institute

  Vet The Cruz

Time To Inspect Ted Cruz’s Canadian ‘Birth Certificate,’ Obviously

But who is he REALLY?
Now that Ted Cruz has declared himself our next president, the 2016 election is pretty much wrapped up, right? He just has to get those laughably low approval numbers from his own party up to something above negativeteen, beat [insert name of a Democrat, any Democrat], and then Snowflake, the family puppy, “will finally get a back yard to pee in.” (Texas, it turns out, is a small state that doesn’t have a lot of space for back yards.) Read more on Time To Inspect Ted Cruz’s Canadian ‘Birth Certificate,’ Obviously…
  won't someone think of the porn star moms?

Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break

If you are a DC politician, you are duty-bound to spend as much of the summer outside the city as possible. If you’re stuck in the swamp, you can at least take advantage of the hollowed-out Capitol and switch up your normal routine. Take a zealously investigated page from Republican Congressman Darrell Issa! In a change of pace after all that mikey-cutty stuff with Elijah Cummings (D-BADASS) during this spring’s comedic roast of Lois Lerner, Darrell is indulging in a little light summer outrage and sounding the alarm on the latest “unprecedented abuse of power”TM by the Obama-Industrial Complex. Darrell took a field trip to the Cato Institute for a show-and-tell about Operation Choke Point, a program at the Department of Justice that he says is limiting access to vital banking services, including funds transfer and credit card payment processing, for legal but “unpopular” businesses. Cato claims the DOJ is using Choke Point to harass gun dealers and porn stars, but we soon found out that none other than our most beloved American industrialists, the Koch brothers, could have their points choked at any moment. Read more on Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break…
  the unbearable smugness of lawyering

Cato Institute and PJ O’Rourke Co-Author Least Funny Attempt At Lawsplaining Ever

Earlier this year, the Supreme Court agreed to hear a case about whether Ohio’s False Statement law, which prohibits making false statements about a candidate, is unconstitutional. This has, regrettably, meant that the Cato Institute has weighed in with a brief that they are sure is super-funny and we are sure is non-hilarious dreck. Read more on Cato Institute and PJ O’Rourke Co-Author Least Funny Attempt At Lawsplaining Ever…
  profiles in churlage

Genius Missouri Bill Will Kill Obamacare By Putting Insurance Companies Out Of Business

OK, so shutting down the government didn’t work, and the House repealing it umpty-eleven times didn’t work, and the website does work, but maybe it’s not too late for states to save their citizens from the horror of having health insurance. They could maybe try the genius plan introduced in the Missouri Senate by state Sen. John Lamping: The bill would suspend insurance companies’ state licenses if they accepted subsidies offered by the federal government to help pay health insurance premiums for low- and middle-income Missourians. See, Lamping figures that the subsidies are illegal and will totally be declared unconstitutional by some mythical Supreme Court that already found the Affordable Care Act was constitutional. So if you preemptively act as if they are illegal, and punish insurance companies that accept them, somehow that will make the employer mandate go away, hooray! And if insurance companies do comply with the law and accept the subsidies, they’ll be prohibited from doing business in Missouri, and then once the insurance companies are all gone, everyone will be healthy forever. We’re not entirely sure that Lamping has thought this through. Read more on Genius Missouri Bill Will Kill Obamacare By Putting Insurance Companies Out Of Business…
  thanks obama!

Top Secret FBI Interrogation Manual Somehow Ended Up In Library Of Congress — And It’s A Cookbook!

Our oopsie of the day comes to us courtesy of Nick Baumann at Mother Jones, who brings us this story of an FBI agent who thought it would be a good idea to submit a copy of a secret interrogation manual to the U.S. Copyright Office — which means it ended up in the Library of Congress, unredacted and available to anyone who wants to see it. And that’s just the biggest of the craptacular snafus in the way the document was handled. These stories of multiple bureaucratic screw-ups gladden our hearts and make us unaccountably happy — it’s somehow reassuringly humanizing to know that the top spies lock their keys in the car now and then, too. Just as long as nobody does that while handling nerve gas, at least. Read more on Top Secret FBI Interrogation Manual Somehow Ended Up In Library Of Congress — And It’s A Cookbook!…
  we've heard this song before

Rand Paul Denies Plagiarism: ‘I Am Not A Crook’

At first Yr Wonkette was going to leave this whole “Rand Paul plagiarism” thing reasonably alone, at least when it was just his speechwriters cribbing movie summaries from Wikipedia. It’s the sort of dumb frat-boy-writing-a-research-paper kind of idiocy that probably goes on all the time, albeit less clumsily. Good for a one-off post on a slow day, but frankly we thought frequent Wonkette-weird-sex-dream beneficiary Rachel Maddow was going a little overboard. But then there was his weird explanation, where he seemed not even to understand what la Maddow was accusing him of: “I didn’t claim that I created the movie Gattaca,” he said, never addressing the word-for-word borrowing of Wikipedia summaries of that movie and Stand and Deliver. But still, it struck us as merely bush-league derp. But then things started getting RIDICULOSE. For one thing, we’re pretty darn sure that his father was never a Welsh coal miner. Read more on Rand Paul Denies Plagiarism: ‘I Am Not A Crook’…
  Science is Hard -- Propaganda is Easy!

Cato Institute Helpfully Makes Its Fake Climate Report Look Like Actual Government Climate Report, Except Fake

Remember a few months ago when hilariously titled fake ripoffs of bestsellers were all over Amazon’s e-book store — 35 Shades of Grey, or I am the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, that sort of thing? The playful jokesters of the Cato Institute are using their Koch Industries Megabux to top that! They will soon release a delightful “spoof” of a 2009 US Government report on climate change, except that where the real report looks at real science, the fake “Addendum” contains the reassuring news that climate change is no big deal, hooray! Read more on Cato Institute Helpfully Makes Its Fake Climate Report Look Like Actual Government Climate Report, Except Fake…
  Drunk Uncles

PJ O’Rourke Is America’s Greatest Political Humorist

Here’s a fun fact to start out your day: PJ O’Rourke is “America’s leading political satirist.” It must be true because it says so on the website of the Cato Institute, where P.J O’Rourke is the H.L. Mencken Research fellow. The heading for PJ O’Rourke’s page at the Cato Institute says “Individual liberty, free markets, and peace,” which may or may not be an example of this satire for which he is so famous, it’s tough to tell. Same with this piece he wrote for the Atlantic over the weekend, wherein he expresses disdain for “big ideas” because fascism was a big idea, and so were nuclear weapons, ergo all big ideas are bad. (Except individual liberty, free markets, and peace, presumably.) Is this a joke? Not the thing where he hates big ideas, the thing where he gets to write for the Atlantic and is a research fellow at the Cato Institute? Also, this appears to have been in print. Which means that someone PAID to print this and then paid to mail it to subscribers, which is yet another example of why American media (like American political satire, apparently) is going to hell. Read more on PJ O’Rourke Is America’s Greatest Political Humorist…
  corporations are people with birthdays

Happy 40th Birthday To Justice Lewis F. Powell’s War On the American Left

Weeks before his nomination to the Supreme Court by Richard Nixon, corporate tobacco lawyer and right-wing business extremist Lewis F. Powell took a break from golf and his boardroom duties at 11 of America’s biggest corporations to write a manifesto against the then-vibrant American left. His detailed plan, delivered in the form of a memo he predictively titled “Attack of American Free Enterprise System,” was addressed to the corporate criminals at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and used as a blueprint for the whole twisted panoply of today’s fascist propaganda factory: The Heritage Foundation, the Manhattan Institute, the Cato Institute, Accuracy in Academe, Ronald Reagan’s presidency and Fox News can all be traced directly to the full-spectrum methods outlined in the Powell Memo. But because Lewis Powell wasn’t overtly racist and apparently had little interest in abortion and religious fundamentalists, he is remembered not as the father of the right’s repugnant corporate worship but as a “liberal moderate justice.” Let’s learn about what this Liberal Moderate planned for America, 40 years ago this week. Read more on Happy 40th Birthday To Justice Lewis F. Powell’s War On the American Left…
  increasing bmi to increase leadership ability

Does America Need a Fat President?

Cato Institute Vice President Gene Healy writes in the Washington Examiner today that the U.S. needs a fat president. Finally someone says what we’ve all been thinking. This oil spill mess and wars on Islam could all be solved if we just had a president that didn’t mind slurping up the oil or eating the Taliban. Why is Obama refusing to be fat? He hates America, obviously. Read more on Does America Need a Fat President?…
  think about it

Thinkers Declare All Good Things To Be Unconstitutional

Monday, December 7: A never before seen event: a Democrat will say mean things about Republicans, today, in real life. House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer will explain why he thinks Conservatives are to blame for every single problem in America. [Center for American Progress Action Fund] Read more on Thinkers Declare All Good Things To Be Unconstitutional…