Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, Little Saint Patrick escaped back to England, which was part of Rome at the time, and he remembered his Irish slavery so fondly that he vowed to return and destroy Paganism. It only took another 1,500 years for Ted Kennedy to drunkenly crash his car off a tiny bridge and drown his girlfriend. Learn more about St. Patrick’s Day, after the jump. MORE »

There’s a public radio show that enjoys making fun of religion and specifically the various real and fake Jesus religions, apparently. And the producers of the “Fair Game” program are in big trouble today, sort of, because of a fun-filled sketch that mocked the whole communion ritual and Baptist preacher/GOP star Mike Huckabee — who used to be so fat and is from the South where almost everyone is so fat. It sounds like comedy gold … and yet some people took offense. MORE »

A Vatican official suspended after being caught on a hidden camera making advances to a young man says he is not gay and was only pretending to be gay as part of his work. [Baltimore Sun/AP]

Rudy Guliani was asked a relatively straightforward question at a Town Hall meeting in Iowa: Is he a practicing Catholic? America’s straight-talking mayor punted: MORE »

Are the Republicans ready to nominate someone whose flavor of Christianity makes the base a little uncomfortable? Someone who says he worships the same Jesus that they do, but who belongs to a church with a highly structured hierarchy and strange rituals and funny clothes? Someone who’s … a Roman Catholic? MORE »

Cross-dressing thrice-married abortionist Rudy Giuliani is building a “dream team” of consultants that so far includes a diaper-wearing hooker-fucker in New Orleans and a coke-dealing state treasurer in South Carolina. He seems to be lacking a pedophile on his team. Any possibilities out there? MORE »

Joseph P. Kennedy II, son of RFK, divorced Sheila Rauch Kennedy in 1991. Then, like a good Catholic, he had the 12-year marriage annulled in 1996. MORE »

Holy christ, after coming up with the most inane, torn-from-last-year’s headlines, cockamamie, sub-Hitchcockian dime-store psychoanalysis-lite excuse imaginable for Mark Foley’s actions, someone found him a priest to take the fall. His name is Anthony Mercieca, he lives on the (apparently real) “island of Gozo,” and the Sarasota Herald-Tribune scored an awesome interview with him. MORE »

Monsignor Jim Lisante delivered the invocation at this year’s New York Republican convention. Here’s a short video clip: MORE »

Looks like Adele Fergusen has some competition for “craziest columnist at a non-major newspaper.” From Fort Wayne, Indiana — the same metropolitan area that spawned the insane Tony Zirkle — we get this insightful commentary:

No, this is not an Onion article — although with an author photo like that, your confusion is understandable. This was published in an actual newspaper (page A4 of the hard copy edition). So, unlike our ephemeral musings, TREES DIED FOR THIS.

After the jump, some additional excerpts from Richard Sloan’s piece, plus commentary.

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