catholicism
Let’s All Blame The Gays For The Pope’s Retirement
Oh boy, here we go! This week may have started out all “slow-newsy-snoozey” but never fear, wonketteers! The fabulous ruby-slippered Pope’s retirement has become embroiled in a scandal described with words like “seething hotbed of intrigue and infighting.” What? Oh yes! Let the hunt for all double entendres possible commence! A potentially explosive report has [...]
Italian Priest to Women Everywhere: Stop Hitting Yourself
Welp, it has been over a month since we had to write about the Catholic Church or one of its constituent pieces being generally terrible. (Please to note this does not mean that they didn’t DO anything terrible for over a month – just that we were too busy drinking and warring on Christmas to [...]
Fun With Christianists: Things You Can Learn in a Christian ‘World History & Cultures’ Textbook (Part 2)
Welcome back to our exciting Sunday series of visits to the apocalyptic fever-dream that is Christianist America, as revealed through what kids learn in Christian-oriented textbooks. This week, we continue to loot and pillage World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective, 2nd Ed. , a 10th-grade history (we do not say “social studies!”) text published [...]
What Will Be On/In Newt And Rick At Tonight’s Debate, For Ash Wednesday?
Reddit user “oldbean” asks the question that would have already been running through all of our heads, if we weren’t such godless scum: Will Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich have ash on their foreheads in tonight’s [CNN] debate? HUH. Good question! Here are the predictions your Wonkette overlords made in the super double-secret plus cubed [...]
Santorum Not About To Have Obama’s Lady Priests Telling Him What To Do
Cadaverous walking smirk Rick Santorum must still be high on endorphins from Tuesday’s surprise threesome in some meaningless/game-changing voting things. Having seen how turgid the prospects of Abortionplexes and FEMA-officiated gay marriage have been making conservative voters of late, Santorum is preparing a new front in the Culture Wars that, incidentally, also feed and shod [...]
Gingrich Spokesman Constantly Fiddling With Newt’s Wikipedia Page
The number one reason nobody likes pedantic swamp bubble Newt Gingrich is because of all the horrible things they are reading about him on his Wikipedia page, obviously. Why else would Newt campaign spokesman Joe DeSantis spend so much time glued to his computer belaboring minor edits to Newt and Callista’s Wikipedia entries that even [...]
Tea Party Invades Catholic Church, Reinstitutes Witch Hunts
The Roman Catholic Church is not really known for its progressive tendencies, mostly because of that Nazi Pope and its other irrational hatreds, which are as innumerable as the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin. Sadly, this is not enough for the true Catholics living in God’s holy light, [...]
Christine O’Donnell Reveals Her Feminist Icons: LOTR Characters
Hey, somebody sent us the full article from Christine O’Donnell’s admission yesterday that she had lots of sex in college! Thanks, “Kyle M.” “I’m a conservative woman, but many conservative men really are chauvinistic,” she said in the article, as one of the reasons why now nobody wants to be with her. And also, when [...]
Chris Young Turns Cutesy MSNBC Interview Into Jesus Thing, Has Fiancée Read Off Jesus Paper
Chris Young is a crazy singing Jesus guy who is running for mayor of Providence, Rhode Island and made a gimmicky “marriage proposal” in a debate the other day, as we wrote about yesterday. MSNBC thought this marriage proposal was cute and decided it would make a cute morning interview, but apparently they have not [...]
Oh Good, Because It Was Getting To Be Weird That Bo Obama Hadn’t Nabbed A Book Deal Yet
48% of Americans and 0% of Lipton executives feel that American taxes are just fine they way they are. [AMERICAblog] There’s a new book in the works called Bo, America’s Commander-in-Leash. Meghan McCain is not at all involved in its publication but will still probably received a high six-figure advance. [The Caucus] An atheist, who [...]
Newt Gingrich Is Now Catholic, Who Knew!
Newt Gingrich is suddenly a papist! Does he know that he now has to live in Maryland, the designated Catholic slave colony of Lord Baltimore? It’s true. Gingrich was converted in D.C., however, at a Capitol Hill church the other night, after which he went to “celebrate” at the very fancy Cafe Milano restaurant, with [...]
They’re Not Sayin’, They’re Just Sayin’
The Party That Prays Together
The Popish Plot Behind Illegal Immigration
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