Tag Archives: catholic league

  Are You Afraid Enough? Please Be More Afraid

America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks

Nous ne sommes pas étonnés
So it looks like the search for the murderers of 12 people at the Paris offices of Charlie Hebdo has come to its bloody end, with all the terrorists dead and four hostages killed in an attack on a kosher supermarket in Paris. As usual in these situations (and can we all just pause for a moment and be horrified that we know what’s “usual” in a terrorist attack?), a lot of the details are still not yet certain. But while we’re still learning the details, it’s definitely not too soon to move to the vital important next phase: explaining how the events in Paris fit into American culture-war politics, especially the all-important question of What To Do About All The Muslims. Read more on America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks…
  Here have some news n stuff

Some Dumb Lady: Consent Will Ruin Good Sex, Boo Hoo

It's really not that hard
This dumb lady writer at Reason has a real confuse and thinks California’s new consent law makes sex no fun anymore. Sad face. Feminists are super excited about California’s newly minted “yes means yes” law that they claim will not only make sex safer on American campuses, but also better. But that’s as credible as telling little boys that masturbation will make them blind. To the extent that the law works, it will actually ruin both good men and good sex. […] Read more on Some Dumb Lady: Consent Will Ruin Good Sex, Boo Hoo…
  Everyone feel sad now ok that's enough

Go Screw, Dumb Gay New York St. Pat’s Day Parade, The Catholic League Is Pulling Out Of You

Catholic League: 0, The Gays: All the points
We were afraid this might happen. The Catholic League, aka this one very lonely sad guy named Bill Donohue who devotes all 27 hours a day every day thinking about The Gay but in a not gay way, has spent the last year evil-scheming an evil scheme to punish The Gays, ever since they hijacked the St. Patrick’s Day parades in New York and Boston by forcing beer companies to sell gay beer to them or something. He had this great idea to march in the next Pride Parade, with a big colorful but in a straight way “STRAIGHT IS GREAT” banner, which didn’t work out so well when The Gays said, “Sure, Bill, come on down with your banner and your bad self and let your freak flag fly. We’d love to have you.” Read more on Go Screw, Dumb Gay New York St. Pat’s Day Parade, The Catholic League Is Pulling Out Of You…
  Pants Off Hands Full Can't Lose

Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Everybody get on the Fap Float
Catholic League President and sole known member Bill “I think more about gay sex than any gay person ever has” Donohue has some Very Serious Concerns about the propriety of allowing gay groups to participate in next year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade in New York City. You see, after 25 years, several of the most recent marked by intense eye-rolling and heavy sighs from people who aren’t raving haters, the parade is finally lifting its ban on openly gay marchers. But wait just a danged minute, says Donohue. In an interview with SiriusXM Progressive Radio’s Michelangelo Signorile, Donahue fretted that gays — you know how those gays are — might simply lose control of themselves and start masturbating furiously all over the parade route, as one does sometimes? Read more on Catholic League Guy Worried The Gays Just Can’t Resist ‘Bating During St. Patrick’s Day Parade…
  the unscientific method

Catholic League Pretty Sure They’ve Put Guinness Out of Business By Now

Remember on Saint Patrick’s Day when shitty beers like Heineken and tolerable beers like Sam Adams and Guinness all decided to boycott the parades in New York City (Heineken and Guinness) and Boston (Sam Adams) and lo, there was much Bill Donohue and Catholic League (which is really just Bill Donohue, right?) sadness, and they embarked upon a quixotic attempt to get people to boycott Guinness? Today, the Catholic League released their EXTREMELY scientific survey about their boycott, and it is pretty much the bestest boycott ever you guys. Read more on Catholic League Pretty Sure They’ve Put Guinness Out of Business By Now…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience — we suggest a couple of pan-galactic gargleblasters. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge…
  beaten at your own game

Bill Donohue’s Cunning Plan To Wreck Pride Parade Foiled By Those Meddling Gays

It was only a few days ago that we had to talk ceaselessly about which beer companies were pulling out of sponsorships of terrible bigoted Saint Patrick’s Day parades in Boston and New York City. You’d probably already entirely forgotten about that tempest in a beer mug, but the Catholic League’s Bill Donohue has been sitting alone in a dark room brooding and scheming and sulking, trying to figure out a way to get back at those gays. Jesus appeared to Bill and said “Bill, you shall go forth into the desert, and there you shall see a vision of how to fuck with the Gay Pride Parade.” Bill made his pilgrimage, and came up with this cunning plan: he would demand that he get to march in NYC’s Pride Parade under a “Straight is Great” banner. HAHA GAYS YA BURNT. Read more on Bill Donohue’s Cunning Plan To Wreck Pride Parade Foiled By Those Meddling Gays…
  bill donahue knows a bigot when he sees one

Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids

Bill Donohue, the president and possible sole member of the Catholic League, has called for HBO to cancel Real Time With Bill Maher after the most recent show featured Wonket Pal Dan Savage, who very offensively and unfairly suggested that Catholic priests do sex on children. Donohue, who has a history of downplaying sexual abuse by priests, is likely to be about as successful in getting Bill Maher off the air as he was in his epic battle against Jon Stewart last year. We predict that in two weeks, after nothing has happened to Bill Maher, Donohue will declare victory and ask for some donations to continue his important work of complaining about the Simpsons. Read more on Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids…
  not sure if you're a boy or a girl

Noted Veejay Bill Donahue Reviews New Bowie Video, Gives It Zero Stars

You know, most people have a pretty predictable range of emotions regarding David Bowie’s new record. Some range from “OHMYGOD BOWIE IS BACK” (which is the camp this particular portion of yr Wonkette inhabits) to “meh, it is no Heroes,” to “don’t care, never liked him.” These are rational responses to pop culture and these things probably cover the range of your feelings on the matter. Unless, of course, you are fringey self-anointed Catholic spokesperson Bill Donahue of the “Catholic” “League,” in which case it is time to get all batshit angerbear about David Bowie because something something old man homosexual something: Read more on Noted Veejay Bill Donahue Reviews New Bowie Video, Gives It Zero Stars…
  i say she is a witch

Fringe Catholic Nut-Job Says Michelle Obama Got Hillary’s Christmas Tree Decoration Crack Pipes

What is it with these Democratic First Ladies? First Hillary Clinton put dildoes and crack pipes all over the White House Holiday Bush, and now Michelle Obama is decorating her Holiday Bush with pictures of drag queens and Mao Tse Tung! What is next? Jars with rapebortions in them? PROBABLY. From the fever dreams of the “Catholic” League’s fringey nut job, Bill Donohue, and the first installment of his very TL; DR on Obama’s War on Religion: Christmas did not escape without controversy. For reasons never explained, the White House Christmas tree was adorned with ornaments depicting drag queens and mass murderers (Mao Zedong was featured; he killed 77 million of his own people). Read more on Fringe Catholic Nut-Job Says Michelle Obama Got Hillary’s Christmas Tree Decoration Crack Pipes…
  toucan sam says go fuck yourself

Tony The Tiger On Jon Stewart’s Vagina Manger: Tastes Grrrreat!

The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue is none-too-pleased with the Kellogg’s family of cereals, as it unaccountably refused to yield to his demands that it immediately stop advertising on the Jonathan Stewartsky Half-Hour Jew Hour That Hates Goys Full-Time. Oooooh, what’d Kellogg’s say to Bill Donohue? Did they tell him to get fucked? Yes. Yes they did. “We understand that our customers come from a variety of backgrounds, experiences, lifestyles, and cultures and we respect their individual decisions to choose the television programs that they deem acceptable for themselves and their families. Consumers speak most loudly when they vote with their remote control and change the channel or turn off the TV if a program does not fit their personal criteria.” Hahahahaha, that is corporate-speak for “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,” which is southern man for “Well, fine fellow, I must civilly disagree!” And don’t think Bill Donohue doesn’t know exactly what he just heard! He’s so mad he’s about to go full-Nuge! Read more on Tony The Tiger On Jon Stewart’s Vagina Manger: Tastes Grrrreat!…
  bye jon bye!

Catholic League Declares Itself To Have Broken Jon Stewart’s Spirit

Jon Stewart performed two sold-out nights in Florida over the weekend, and the Catholic League is ALL OVER IT. Jon Stewart making Florida laugh while making fun of Florida was enough to set off a torrent of Jon Stewart Google alerts in the Catholic League’s inbox, and the organization was the thrilled to find that the Daily Show host actually mentioned them during at least one of his performances, in Clearwater. Buried deep in a (praise-filled) review of the show in the Tampa Bay Times, the reviewer writes that Stewart brought up the fact that the Catholic League has “boycotted” Stewart over his recent joke about women placing a manger between their legs to prevent medical professionals from probing into them unneccessarily. Apparently, in a “moment of seriousness” on Saturday, Jon Stewart declared that he doesn’t really care that the Catholic League has boycotted him, and that has resulted in the Catholic League thinking that it has WON! Read more on Catholic League Declares Itself To Have Broken Jon Stewart’s Spirit…
  slate pitches

Catholic League’s Bill Donohue Explainers: Catholics Are Against Adoption Now

God bless Bill Donohue, always striding forth and grandly opening his warbly old yap and letting the most insanely bigotty shit spill forth. Remember that time he was on Scarborough Country, going on and on about Hollywood and “the Jews” and then got a helpful assist from copanelist Jennifer Giroux who said, “I’m sorry but we cannot go back and make it that the Hawaiians killed Christ.” Yeah, we do! So this time — you may have heard? — all the Mommy Blogs are warblogging with all the other Mommy Blogs, and Bill Donohue, head of the fringe rightwing group the Catholic League, twatted this: “Lesbian Dem Hilary Rosen tells Ann Romney she never worked a day in her life. Unlike Rosen, who had to adopt kids, Ann raised 5 of her own.” FUCK YOU, ADOPTIVE PARENTS! Bill Donohue has some thoughts on your abnormal life and ways! Read more on Catholic League’s Bill Donohue Explainers: Catholics Are Against Adoption Now…
  aids always ruins christmas

National Portrait Gallery Removes Ant Crucifix Art After GOP Threats

The Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery has removed a video exhibit portraying the suffering of an AIDS victim because the Catholic League complained and John Boehner and Eric Cantor whined and threatened the institution’s funding. The video in question features a bit of footage of a crucifix sitting on a pile of dirt and ants, some of which walk on it, because ants are EVIL. “I regret that some reports about the exhibit have created an impression that the video is intentionally sacrilegious,” the Portrait Gallery said in a statement. “It was not the museum’s intention to offend.” Yeah, it’s generally not the intention of anyone to offend! But it will happen, if enough people see a thing. And that makes it acceptable for the House Republican leadership to threaten censorship and bully art institutions. Read more on National Portrait Gallery Removes Ant Crucifix Art After GOP Threats…