catholic church
Priest Booted For Failing To Be As Terrible As Pope
Happy Day-Before-Thanksgiving, Wonkette fans. Have you been making your list of what you are thankful for? We at Wonkette are deeply thankful that we haven’t had to write about something awful the Catholic Church has done in, oh, minutes! GAH. Catholic Church please stop being horrible long enough for last week’s awfulness to roll off […]
Nobody Expects The Minnesota-Teens-Who-Approve-Of-Gay-Marriage Inquisition!
We all know that the holy rite of communion is not available to divorced Catholics, remarried Catholics, and nuns who are hospital administrators and allow women whose lives are in immediate danger from their pregnancies to get abortions. (And may get excommunicated, depending.) (Oh and it’s still available to priests who rape their charges, because […]
Actual United States Congressmen: Free Birth Control Sinks Their Battleships
Remember in 1990, when conservatives shrieked and moaned about the threat to religious freedom that was the Supreme Court upholding a ban on Native Americans’ sacramental Tripping Off of the Balls? You don’t? That is because those people were Indians. But today? Today, Aug. 1, 2012, is a Day That Shall Live in Infamy. This […]
Iowa Congressman Cannot Even Breathe, He Is Laughing So Hard About Doing Violence To Nuns
What is the funniest joke you heard today? Did it have dicks in it? It probably had dicks in it. What is the best joke Iowa congressman Tom Latham has heard lately? “There’s a bus-ful of nuns headed toward Washington to lobby againt the Ryan Plan. Could you, do you have any power to pull […]
Catholic Church Patiently Explains ‘Religious Freedom’ To More Uppity Nuns
WOMEN! All the Church wants them to do is take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, and in return they can … live in poverty, chastity, and obedience! (Did you know that when a woman takes her nunly vows, it is not the holy rite of ordination like a priest would get?) But also in […]
Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts
We wonder if there is anything the Catholic Church could be investigating besides the Girl Scouts of America? NO. There is NOT. Nothing at all, move along, move along! Yes, Mother Church is busy investigating whether it should … well, not sure. Thunder from the pulpit about their evil ways? Discourage parish-based troops? Tell the […]
Fidel to Pope: So, What Does a Pope Do, Anyway? (VIDEO)
The Pope and Fidel Castro met in Havana for what was apparently a fun contest to see which octogenarian could be more passive-aggressive. Fidel was all, yeah mang, saw you on the teevee, then played dumb about why the Mass had changed since he was a child (presumably Castro is aware of the Church’s liberalizing […]
WI Senator Wants Law Saying Single Parents Are Probably Child Abusers
Reducing rates of child abuse and neglect is a topic everyone can agree is important. Now, says Wisconsin state Senator Glenn Grothman, let us consult the Ouija board to figure out which entire category of people make up the secret witches behind this evil and make a law telling everyone to hurl poop and screams […]
Pope Blames Catholic Church Child-Rape On Hippies
“In the 1970s, pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children,” the pope said. “It was maintained – even within the realm of Catholic theology – that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a ‘better than’ and a ‘worse […]
Pope Can’t Take His Eyes Off Shirtless ‘Acrobats’
“Please be gay HIV prostitutes. Please be gay HIV prostitutes. Please be gay HIV prostitutes.”
Cowardly Louisiana Bishops Terrified Of Assassins
America’s founders clearly intended for us to go to church daily or even hourly, and they also clearly intended for us to carry concealed weapons at all times; therefore, it seems logical that the 1st and 2nd amendments should be read as a seamless whole, indicating that, while we pray to the American Jesus, we […]
This Is What Happens When Maureen Dowd Gets It Right
So, Our Lady of Ginger Devotion Maureen Dowd wrote about how the Molesty Church says the attempted priestification of ladies is pretty much just as bad as making out with infants. And for the first time in the history of Reblogging Maureen, MoDo reached out and grabbed my heart. You know why? Because she’s pissed […]
Supreme Court: Sure, Go Ahead And Sue The Pope
Imagine if a BMW dealer in Oregon were discovered to be a serial child rapist. This would not necessarily reflect badly on his employer — not on the multinational parent company, run by a Bavarian, or on its U.S. subsidiary, or on his local dealership. But now imagine that, over the span of a many […]
Today In Catholic Church News: Freemasons, Jews, Queers To Blame For Adult Catholic Priests Raping Children
Today we revisit the Catholic Church, which is undergoing something of a scandal, whereby adult priests rail young children with their peens for centuries, and then no one goes to jail, and then the Church blames it on other people, and then people still choose to be involved with this institution. This is an Oligarchy, […]
