Tag: catholic church

Is Jack Chick In Hell?

Jack Chick is up in heaven now, with Isaac Asimov and Kurt Vonnegut.

Wonkagenda: Friday, October 21, 2016

Trump is booed by priests, how Russia broke the Interwebz, why Peggy Noonan is still A Idiot. Your Morning News Brief!
OK, we like Francis Again

Pope Francis Fixin’ To Quit-Fire Archbishop Who Crammed Kim Davis Down His Throat

It was the best day ever for gay-hatin' Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis. She bedazzled her finest lady jumper and went to Washington, where a super-nice dirty Catholic named Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò had arranged a special private tête-à-tête, as they rarely...
Sen. Pryor Clings to This Guy

Catholic Church Messes With Texas, In Its Gun Parts

Texans are about to face their most challenging challenge yet. It's a real moral quandary. See, now that the state's More Guns Everywhere In All The Places (including psychiatric facilities, because what could go wrong with that?) open carry...
Your Christmas Wonkette Baby will overtake you with Christmas cuteness.

Donald Trump, Lying Carly Fiorina And War On Christmas RAGE! Your Weekly Top Ten

Oh hi, Wonkers, are you ready for the official War On Christmas week? Have you polished all your Festivus poles and candy-cane dildos, to wave at all the nice fundamentalist Christians who are just trying to go to church...

New York Priest Stole $1M Church Lady Donations For His Gay S&M Master, As One Does

Every Sunday around the great US and A, churches pass the collection plates, so they can use the money to buy food and clothes for poor kids, and send Bibles to China, and so their priests can have "drug-fueled...

Kansas Teacher Does The Gay Agenda To Kids, Refuses To Resign In Shame

Welcome to Kansas, where the deer and the antelope play, the cows had voting rights before the women, and you're not supposed to be nice to the homosexuals. So there's a middle school social studies teacher in Conway Springs, Kansas,...
Vatican expert

Mike Huckabee Furious With Gay Liberals Who Run Roman Catholic Church

Did you know that Pope Francis is secretly a cousin-fucking hillbilly Mike Huckabee/Kim Davis supporter? It's true! (According to Mike Huckabee.) And did you know that the pope is being prevented from telling THE REAL TRUTH about how he...
omg, y'all, I cannot even with this "religious freedom" crap.

Catholic Church Considers Finding Nicer Way To Tell Homos They’re Gonna Burn In Hell

Time for another sexy funtimes sleepover at the pope's house, and all the coolest bishops are invited! Last year, at the Synod, they all had such a good time, making s'mores and friendship bracelets and learning how marrieds sex...
And unto Felicia he said BYE

Pope To Fire Everyone Who Makes Him Think About Gays Or Kim Davis

The Vatican-induced whiplash continues! Pope Nice-Nice is mad-mad and he's not going to take it anymore, we guess, from ANYBODY. Can everybody just please let him do his undercover-poping in peace? In the wake of the pope's little non-meeting...
But I thought I hated fags real good too!

Kim Davis’s Lawyers Say She Had A Secret Stitch ‘N’ Bitch With Pope Francis

OH GODDAMMIT, IF TRUE. Good, decent people in America are trying really hard to think the best of this new commie pope, who seems to be trying to take the focus off hot button wingnut issues to return the...
Not the actual pope.

Does Commie Pope Francis Heart Kim Davis? Bad Commie Pope!

So Pope Francis was flying back to Europe or outer space or wherever he lives, and some reporters decided to ask him about the most important issue facing America, which is Kim Davis, the yokel Kentucky clerk dragging a...
If anyone knows Catholicism, it's Mike Huckabee the Baptist preacher

Mike Huckabee Excommunicates Obama For Inviting Sodomites To Meet Pope

Like many rightwingers who have felt the need to turn Pope Francis's U.S. visit to into a campaign talking point, Mike Huckabee is really offended on behalf of Pope Francis, because Barack Obama went and invited some LGBT guests...
Don't you want to feel Chris Christie's rhythm?

Chris Christie’s Hot Tips For Sexing Your Lady Without Putting A Babby In Her Butt

Don't eat lunch today, because New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has admitted in a town hall meeting not only to engaging in sexual intercourse with a human woman, but also being a whore who uses slut pills, to keep from...
Not qualified to be a teacher.

NOM Spokesbigot Says It’s Bad For Teachers To Secretly Gas Jews, Be Lesbians

The National Organization For Marriage (NOM nom nom), you know them, right? Hilariously failed organization that for some reason still exists, even though the Supreme Court crammed gay marriage right up all American bottoms at the end of June,...
Sadly, you can't arrest an archdiocese

Minnesota Archdiocese Busted For Protecting Kid-Diddling Priest

Here's a rare thing: The Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis is facing criminal charges for mishandling a priest who mishandled children. The prosecutor says church officials "turned a blind eye" to the priest's sexual abuse of two boys. The...