catholic church

So we want to applaud folks like Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) who are fighting the good fight to stop all the sexual assaulting in our military. What’s the big deal, though? Can chicks just not handle a little afternoon raping? Don’t they know that boys will be boys, and that boobs wouldn’t be groped if […]

Man, we are pretty jealous of the person who got to write the headline for the AP article on the big Pope Francis and His Cardinals Jamboree this week, because they somehow slipped “Pope Opens Big Week With Sex, Divorce On Agenda” past their editors. Believe the hype of the headline, though, because our current […]

Well hello, GAYmerica. Because the frothy LGBT agenda is being smeared all over this great land, this little mommyblog has not been reporting on every state that legalizes gay marriage, which everyone knows is like poking G-d in the eye with your dick. However, some sorcerers bishops in a Chicago coven Church want to get […]

Right on the heels of suspending the “Bling Bishop,” New Pope has another misbehaving European prelate on his hands: Archbishop Jozef Michalik, the head of the Polish Episcopate, who kind of made everybody in Poland groan and slap their foreheads (we hope?) for suggesting that children abused by priests share some of the blame for […]

However you feel about Pope Francis, your newish President of Christmas Classic, it’s hard to argue that he isn’t a vast improvement over the last guy. For example, we liked when Newish Pope washed Muslim girl feet, something we couldn’t picture Benny Sixteen doing unless money was furtively exchanged, along with the understanding that nobody […]

Okay, it is official: We looooooooove this new pope so much, we want to gay-marry him and have all his abortions: Pope Francis, in the first extensive interview of his six-month-old papacy, said that the Roman Catholic church had grown “obsessed” with preaching about abortion, gay marriage and contraception, and that he has chosen not […]

Dang it, New Pope, you just keep being awesome, and saying stuff that makes us think you actually understand some of that Jesus stuff. For instance, there’s the letter published in the Italian newspaper La Repubblica yesterday in response to some skeptical questions from its former editor Eugenio Scalfari. What kind of hellfire and damnation […]

We know you people have not approved of our recurring NewPopeNiceTime feature, but we do not care. However, we’ll throw you a bone today and talk about how really super terrible one Bishop Thomas Paprocki of Illinois is on account of how he thinks that we’re gonna close all the churches because of being all […]

Seems like only the beginning of this month that we were all outraged and stuff about the terrible news that the Archdiocese of Milwaukee was playing hide-the-assets in an attempt to avoid paying compensation to victims of sex abuse. And now, not only has a federal judge declined to say, “No, Archbishop, that’s arch-villainous,” the […]

New Pope is making us happy again, Wonkeroos. He’s on a trip to Brazil where he is doing awesome New Popey things like riding in an open-air vehicle to be closer to the people, and actually walking into people’s homes to give them high-fives and stuff. The guy is goddam fucking just plain awesome.* And […]

We’ve been thinking a lot about how to streamline our workload, synergize our growth goals, lifehack a four-hour work week, and generally figure out ways to be even more lazy. One of the proactive methodologies we’re considering is creating a one-touch macro so we can efficiently deploy a post every time the Catholic Church does […]

Remember that one time when President Barack Hussein Hitler Obama was all, like, “Hey, ladies, how would you like it if your health insurance had to cover birth control, without copays, because all the doctor types say that is just good common sense, and it will be better for your health and your families and […]

We here at Wonkette mostly luuuuurve our new pope, New Pope. He is a communist (communism!)! He saved and returned all his newspaper rubber bands every month (loves the environment!)! He went to the slums and did Mass for hookers (like Bizarro American Jesus!)! He did his own cooking and lived in a little apartment […]

Ohai, Catholic Church! Much to the dismay of many of our readers, we’ve been loving up the New Pope lately and giving him plenty of nice time. To everything there is a season, however, and now we turn turn turn back to our more-familiar role scoffing at the Church for its public panic attacks over […]

It is time for pope-choosing and magick, and Peggy Noonan has once again taken to the pixels of the Wall Street Money-Changers’ Gazette to Opine and feel the Breath of God. But ho! Some hooligans go on the picture-box and criticize the Church and throw out words like “celibacy” and “pedophile” when discussing it! And […]