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Posts Tagged ‘cars’

YES HE WILL

Will Barack Obama Kill The Children Of ‘Matthew Broderick’s Dance Double’?

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Hey so what ever happened to that hilarious Big Hollywood thing, about how all the motion pictures these days are gay? Ah, it’s still there and, uh… lookin’ good. “Dear Mr. President, Please Don’t Kill My Kids.” Ha ha, Jesus. “Soon my children will be driving and buying cars of their own. Mr. President, will you allow them to have freedom of choice or will you doom them to take their chances in a 21st century AMC Gremlin?” DOOM, DOOM! [Big Hollywood]


MYSTERIES

Ron Paul’s R3LOVElution Slogan Missing Crucial Element, Or Else What Is Up With This Car?

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

The most mysterious car since Kit from Knight RiderReader “Emily” sends us this mysterious photo from Chicago, which appears to be a Paultard car, only without the R at the beginning of Dr. Paul’s famous slogan. “I still really couldn’t believe this was a thing,” she writes. So, question: IS THIS A THING?


GENERAL MOTORS FAIL

Liveblogging Obama Creating ‘Government Motors’

Monday, June 1st, 2009

King of Money.Wow it’s morning so that means Barack Obama is giving televised remarks about the latest failed giant business he’s buying us for Ramadan. General Motors! “The collapse of these companies would’ve been devastating to America,” etc., yes we know, “and it would be good for American workers and American manufacturing and good for America’s economy” if, heh heh, GM didn’t have to pay all its debts. Let’s live-blog this by liveblogging, now! MORE »


AMERICA'S SERIOUS CONSERVATIVES

‘George Will’ The ‘Writer’ Is ‘Hackish,’ He ‘Basically’ Has ‘Brain AIDS’

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

Think respected conservative intellectual George “Dungaree” Will’s biweekly phlegm-hocks for the Washington Post are bad, but maybe not quite Richard-Cohen-bad? Well they are, and so are his Newsweek columns! Maybe. His most recent one tackles Transportation Reform. Will chastises Republican Ray LaHood, the Transportation secretary, for “wanting” to “fix” America’s “infrastructure” problems, which is his “job.” Will truly despises anyone who walks or bikes or takes a train anywhere, and he wants them to die, DIE DIE DIE, in a ditch, in Portland. MORE »


AUTOPIA

Congress Will Buy Your Crappy ‘Ride’ For $4,500!

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

Someone take the wheel ...Do you own some terrible old car? Probably not! But you might be making payments on some terrible old car. Communist Premier Nobama and his Duma-Politburo (the House and Senate) have got a great deal for you: Just trade in your gas-guzzling sticker-covered crapmobilie full of McDonald’s bags for a shiny new better-mileage-getting Automobile of the Future, and you’ll get $4,500. That is, what, equal to about a year’s worth of unemployment? MORE »


MICROTRENDS

PUMAs Loose On Streets

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Hot ride.It’s the post you’ve been waiting for, the one where we point out that the acronym for a certain fanciful robot-car for lazy urban dorks is the same as the acronym for bitterly disenfranchised Hillary Clinton voters, har! Mark Penn is obviously behind this microtrend, called “Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility,” or “Party Unity My Ass,” for short. MORE »


CARTOON VIOLENCE

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Cartoons About the Auto Industry

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

Cartoon Violence!By the Comics Curmudgeon
If you asked the average American in olden times (1960) what glories would await them, auto-wise, in the Mysterious Future Year of 2009, they would be all like “flying cars” and “nuclear-powered cars” and “cars operated by intelligent ro-bots.” They certainly would not say “cars made in Japan, because American automakers have entered creative, moral, and actual bankruptcy (in that order).” MORE »


SLOW NEWS DAY?

Exclusive Video Of President Obama’s Limo Parking Outside 10 Downing Street

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Catch the excitement.Drat that Sky News, with their lack of embed function on their videos! Anyway, here is the most exciting thing you will see all day: President Obama’s driver trying to execute a three-point turn in front of the British Prime Minister’s house. A lady fixes her hair while a man directs the car into its parking spot! It is pretty goddamn thrilling compared to pretty much anything else that’s going on today. [Times Online]


PROGNOSTICATION

Obama Assures Anxious Public There Will Still Be Cars In Future

Monday, March 30th, 2009

Also jetpacksHmm, so this auto bailout problem, is it a good thing or a bad thing? Good, because the government should continue to withhold money from GM and Chrysler until they get their acts together. Bad, because GM and Chrysler cannot get their acts together without money, plus the demise of the manufacturing sector etc. President Obama assures us, however, that no matter what happens “we will not let our auto industry simply vanish.” This is liberal socialist code for “we will raise taxes on the wealthy and give everyone a free Geo Metro.” [Washington Post]


OUR FLOURISHING AUTOMOTIVE INDUSTRY

No ‘Car Czar,’ Just Minor Car Fiefdom Instead

Monday, February 16th, 2009

All the good czars are either gay or taken.Back when George Bush was the 36th best president of the United States, he suggested that the incoming administration appoint a Benevolent Despot Emperor of Automobiles, colloquially known as a “car czar,” to tend to the heaping pile of unsold inventory and feces that is the American automotive industry. And it seemed like Barack Obama would appoint this czar, in deference to tradition. MORE »


DEATH

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
  • WE HEAR TACO BELL IS HIRING??: More lovely news from the American automotive industry, formerly a shining light of this rich nation’s manufacturing sector, and now simply a bunch of commies: “NEW YORK – General Motors Corp. will offer buyouts to all of its hourly employees, a spokesman confirmed Tuesday, as the troubled automaker continues to slash costs… A union official told The Associated Press then that GM would offer $20,000 in cash and a $25,000 car voucher for workers who retire early and those who simply leave the company.” Oooh, we’d take that. $25,000 cars! You can just drive around forever in one of those things. [AP]