December 10, 2013
Our FLOTUS has a new right-hand lady! Her name is Tina Tchen, and she is some sort of robot creature who has a giant clock trapped inside of her that prevents her from sleeping. She runs on energy obtained from the extracted body fat of obese children. She is also from Chicago, because that is [...]
When French first lady Carla Bruni spoke with our first lady Michelle Obama in March, demonic secrets were exchanged.
What is with you people and your tireless hatred of Iran, which happens to be a Republic just like your beloved “United States”? First it was Paul the Magical German Octopus, with his saber rattling and erotic fantasies of Israel firebombing the dickens out of Tehran. Then John Bolton emerged from his octopus tank to [...]
FRENCH LADY MAKES HOT, AWKWARD SMALL TALK: French First Lady Carla Bruni apparently freaked out that prude Michelle Obama by asking if Michelle and Barack had ever screwed while important heads of state were cooling their heels up the hall, the way Carla and her adorable li’l Sarko did this one time. WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: [...]
Hooray, basically all news is now just an experiment by some bored professor or newspaper intern to show that you, the person who reads shit on the Internet all day, will happily repeat and re-blog and re-tweet any fucking thing you hear or see, about anything, instantly, because that’s all people do in 2010. And [...]
Oh look who’s on the cover of Vanity Fair, and also wearing clothes for a change? It’s Carla Bruni, latest wife of Hungarian president of France Nicolas Sarkozy. What did she do to achieve this honor? Well, according to the headline, the Italian singer/supermodel’s marriage to a French president might just make her the new [...]
Barack Obama and French President Nicolas Sarkozy had been engaging in some “heavy petting” during this Congressional Trip, until this moment. During their joint press conference, CNN’s Christiane Amanpour asks Sarkozy if he feels awkward praising black Obama when, only a few years ago, he was calling black French rioters “scum,” the worst word in [...]