Hillary Clinton is a self-obsessed boomer, a yuppie with an entitlement complex, and a flaky new ager. But she finally learned to triangulate, just like Dick Morris taught her. MORE »

Carl Bernstein’s A Woman in Charge: The Bitchy Life of Hillary Clinton and Her Way: Hillary Clinton is Very Mean and Also a Bitch, by Jeff Gerth and Don Van Netta Jr., are two long-awaited peeks into the secret life of Hillary Clinton, our next president. The Post obtained advance copies of both books, and today presents shocking stories from each of them. DID YOU KNOW: MORE »

• Reliable Source: You all laughed, but Jenna Bush’s “internship” with “UNICEF” sent her to Paraguay, and we all know what that means. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Pat Robertson has a coloring book. [Examiner]
• Rush and Molloy: Woodward and Bernstein tell-all shit-talk extravaganza: Their old editor hates them, Bob thinks Carl’s lazy, etc. No mention of Woodward being a CIA plant. [NYDN]

• Heard on the Hill: Rick Santorum’s mailing out bootleg LIVESTRONG bracelets that say “Santorum”… “Actress Mary Tyler Moore is coming to Capitol Hill today to promote a new magazine published by the National Institutes of Health.” She wrote a poem about Diabetes. [Roll Call]
• Yeas and Nays: P. Diddy on the 2004 election: “People didn’t vote and people died…” Patrick and Jeff print the lyrics to Jill Sobule’s theme song for Arianna Huffington. [Examiner]
• Reliable Source: Al Gore has an army of brainwashed slaves heading to Nashville to teach people how to give a powerpoint presentation. [WP]
• Lowdown: Sam Seder trashes Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein plays Captain Save-a-Hack. [NYDN]

• Under the Dome: Bob Livingston: “I raised hell with [Gov. Blanco] for not declaring martial law. I told her last [Wednesday] night I was going on ‘Hannity & Colmes‘ and criticize her for not doing that, and 20 minutes later, she did.”. . . Rolling Stone shadowed Bernie Sanders for upcoming article. . . National Press Club will auction nude painting. . . Albert Eisele retires about 40 years in journalism. [The Hill]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Bernstein, in latest issue of Vanity Fair, recounts tension with Woodward and Downie over Felt revelation; shows Woodward as more interested in “commerce and hype than journalism.”. . . Judi Giuliani is mum on her husband’s ‘08 intentions. [NYDN]
• Inside the Beltway: “VIP party” for CNN’s “The Situation Room” canceled due to Katrina. [WT]

• Names & Faces: Bush’s bike ride with Lance Armstrong tomorrow is an exclusive Discovery Channel event. . . Story by columnist John McCaslin is published in “Chicken Soup for the Grandma’s Soul.” [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: DNC files FOIA request about Roberts. [WT]
• Liz Smith: Clinton: “I think if there were a president in my party again, no matter who it was, and I was asked to do anything, I would do it. Anything!”. . . Vernon Jordan is certain Hillary could be president. [NYP]
• Page Six: Giuliani is set to play softball in East Hampton with Carl Bernstein, Ken Auletta, and Alec Baldwin. [NYP]