Tag: car accidents

Let’s Speculate Wildly About The Sec’y Of Commerce’s Crazed Rear-Ending Spree (Update)

When we say "Secretary of Commerce," what's the first thing that pops into your mind? For 95 percent of you, it's probably "Secretary of what?" or "What of Commerce?" But the true hardcore politics nerds among you think "Ah...

Nuclear Crisis Plan B: Bury Japan In Concrete

Conditions at the Fukushima Daiichi plant are worsening by the day, and the general consensus seems to be that the plant's damaged nuclear reactors are beyond repair. Remember when Japan was dumping helicopter-loads of water on the plant, to...

Antonin Scalia Unable To Kill Anybody In Car ‘Accident’

How Antonin Scalia has managed to drive himself around in traffic this long without giving into his urge to deliver a vehicular capital-punishment verdict to fellow motorists is beyond us, but apparently he did cause a four-car accident on...

Palin Fans Organizing Plan To All Pull Over To Side of Road For Some Reason

Personality cultists have such an abiding faith in their messenger that they're certain everyone will accept this cult figure if only everyone could hear the message more often. And that brings us to the Palin-worshiping conservative group Stand Up...

Michelle Obama’s Hatred of Fatsos Killing Pedestrians

Every news headline should include a question mark, because readers don't turn to the news for facts, they turn to it for insinuation. And at least one individual at the Daily Caller caller understands this, gracing the world with...

Joe Biden’s Infamous Motorcade Of Blood & Death Attacks Olympics

In terms of immediate danger, the most relieving aspect of Barack Obama's inauguration for Washingtonians, it seemed, was an end to eight terrifying years of hearing that ominous, Satanic whisper in the distance while walking on the sidewalk; hearing...

Joe Biden Vaguely Connected To Another Car Crash

One week after killing someone, Joe Biden's bloodthirsty stampede of vehicles has struck again. An NYPD car leading his motorcade crashed into a "livery cab" on its way to a Daily Show taping this afternoon. (Joe Biden's on the...

Joe Lieberman Ruined By Barack Obama Cake In Bus Crash

More information has leaked about the Straight Talk Express destroying America's minivans in Miami on Wednesday, a.k.a. "The Monica Lewinsky Scandal." What of the bus passenger asshole Joe Lieberman, was he hurt in the crash? No, but he was...

Straight Talk Express Demolishes Minivan In Florida

John McCain's armored mammoth-of-death, the famous Straight Talk Express bus, completely destroyed a minivan making a right turn yesterday in Miami. The minivan was holding a black person, maybe, we don't actually know. The Straight Talk Express was holding...