car accidents

When we say “Secretary of Commerce,” what’s the first thing that pops into your mind? For 95 percent of you, it’s probably “Secretary of what?” or “What of Commerce?” But the true hardcore politics nerds among you think “Ah ha, former Washington Governor Gary Locke! One of Obama’s two Asian-American cabinet picks!” And then you’re […]

Conditions at the Fukushima Daiichi plant are worsening by the day, and the general consensus seems to be that the plant’s damaged nuclear reactors are beyond repair. Remember when Japan was dumping helicopter-loads of water on the plant, to “cool down” the reactors? Ha-ha, there’s been a slight change of plans. Officials have requested the […]

How Antonin Scalia has managed to drive himself around in traffic this long without giving into his urge to deliver a vehicular capital-punishment verdict to fellow motorists is beyond us, but apparently he did cause a four-car accident on the George Washington Parkway yesterday, and to his probable dismay, there were no casualties. According to […]

Personality cultists have such an abiding faith in their messenger that they’re certain everyone will accept this cult figure if only everyone could hear the message more often. And that brings us to the Palin-worshiping conservative group Stand Up America, which just wants all Americans not otherwise occupied with a job or kids or whatever […]

Every news headline should include a question mark, because readers don’t turn to the news for facts, they turn to it for insinuation. And at least one individual at the Daily Caller caller understands this, gracing the world with this story: “Highway safety spokesperson blames pedestrian deaths on Michelle Obama‚Äôs anti-obesity campaign?” Question mark indeed. […]

In terms of immediate danger, the most relieving aspect of Barack Obama’s inauguration for Washingtonians, it seemed, was an end to eight terrifying years of hearing that ominous, Satanic whisper in the distance while walking on the sidewalk; hearing it grow louder, more cackling, piercing, as seconds pass by and toxic orange fire clouds begin […]

One week after killing someone, Joe Biden’s bloodthirsty stampede of vehicles has struck again. An NYPD car leading his motorcade crashed into a “livery cab” on its way to a Daily Show taping this afternoon. (Joe Biden’s on the Daily Show tonight — maybe he’ll have one of his patented “gaffes”!) These people driving cars […]

More information has leaked about the Straight Talk Express destroying America’s minivans in Miami on Wednesday, a.k.a. “The Monica Lewinsky Scandal.” What of the bus passenger asshole Joe Lieberman, was he hurt in the crash? No, but he was attacked by a biracial cake: “A little more to that Miami traffic accident yesterday involving Joe […]

John McCain’s armored mammoth-of-death, the famous Straight Talk Express bus, completely destroyed a minivan making a right turn yesterday in Miami. The minivan was holding a black person, maybe, we don’t actually know. The Straight Talk Express was holding Joe Lieberman. *Just saying.*