Wonkette

This Craigslist ad is so dull and bureaucratic that it might just be the real deal. Sadly, he’s smart enough to only solicit other “members” of Congress, so the outing potential is severely limited. MORE »

Let’s check in with the congressional staffers at The Capitolist, the Hill’s anonymous message board, shall we? MORE »

* “Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable to run and have your wing-wang flopping around in the breeze?” [Lemon Gloria]
* Excuse me, you’re in my bubble. [EJ Takes Life]
* Cigarette tax? Why not a weight tax? “We can use that money we raise from your love handles to provide health insurance for orphans.” [Yellow is the Color...]
* “Do these people think it makes them seem more important, more in demand to take a call between the appetizer and the main course while their friends are literally put on hold?” [Looking2Life]
* Thanks, Caps Nut! Now we can all cringe together at the new Capitals jersey. [Bleatings From a Caps Nut]

A fiendish technological plot to get all Hill staffers fired was launched this week, and experts say the innocent youngsters will likely walk right into the honeypot. MORE »

* Experience 10 “punk rock” text-message tours, part of this DC is the “Capitol of Punk” movement. [Capitol of Punk]
* “Take even the lowest level Hill staffer out, pour some vodka into him, and you’re guaranteed to come away with something you can use.” [The DC Universe]
* “My mom doesn’t know my birthday. She sent me an e-mail asking me to input my birthday into her online birthday reminder site.” [Secret Simmerings and Shameful Scandals of the Singular Smash]
* Inside the mind of one of our most gifted. [Roosh V]
* Eat and drink outside, by the water at Indigo Landing on Daingerfield Island. [metrocurean]

Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — has been such a success that its leaders are forced to divide the LNS crowd between the super-white cretins and the lesser lights of binge-drinking takedown-impregnating conservative youth forced to live amongst the minorities of DC before going back to San Diego and becoming a defense lobbyist.

Yes, there is a Great Schism. The invitation-only special forum will be seductively open for everyone to read, but only the upper crust will be able to opine on Muslims, morning-after pills and the “Ethiopians” who scurry about Adams Morgan. Everybody else is stuck in the “B Forum.” Read the memo, after the jump.

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Beloved capitool bar Smith Point is on fire! DCFD is on the scene! Late Night Shots people are blaming, obviously, this website! Here are some comments: MORE »

So the Longworth building was evacuated but it’s all better now and everybody’s back pretending to work. Some sort of alarm went off and everybody freaked out. Thanks, Capitol Police! Now we’re wondering if today’s incident is related to this Craigslist post:

6th Floor Men’s Room then 4th Floor - m4m - 35
Date: 2007-01-11, 2:09PM EST
Wednesday, Jan. 10, around 3:30 p.m. MORE »

There are plenty of laughs in this National Journal article about the thousands of unemployed Republican staffers now begging for Bush Administration jobs, but our favorite is this part — which proves the GOP knew all along that the midterms would be a bloodbath:

The White House has told GOP lawmakers and their staffs that it froze many political slots throughout the government before Election Day just so the administration could be ready to absorb furloughed Republicans. “They were prepared,” said one senior House leadership aide, who asked not to be named.

And don’t miss the charming tale of the 23-year-old Capitool with all of nine months on the job before his MoC was defeated. We’ve collected a few gems from this turbo, after the jump.

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What can we even add to this?

Capital Club Halloween Party - Looking for Jon Benet - m4w
Reply to: pers-227695292@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-30, 11:19AM EST

I am trying to reach Jon Benet Ramsey, from the Capital Club/Smith Point party at the Galleria Sat night. IF anyone has any information I am offering a $100 reward for information leading to her identity!!!

About me - [He actually put his name here]
* this is in or around DC

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