Tag Archives: capitol hill

  do it do it do it

Teabaggers Will Attempt To Rip Apart 1,990-page Bill

Operative “Randy C,” of fleeting Halloween costume Internet fame, has graciously donated his “pubic option” poster to the teabaggers. Is that pastor taking a shine to it? Meanwhile, another Hill operative reports on an overheard conversation between two members of the mobilizing force: Read more on Teabaggers Will Attempt To Rip Apart 1,990-page Bill…
  traitors

BACHMANN’S CHIEF OF STAFF QUITS: Michelle Marston, who has helped Michele Bachmann project her radioactive insanity to a larger audience since becoming chief of staff in early 2008, quit that job today — one day before Bachmann’s “Super Bowl of Freedom,” on Capitol Hill. Marston will not disclose her reasons, which is great, because now we all can just make shit up! THEY HAD A BIG FIGHT B/C THEY HATE EACH OTHER, a “well-sourced Washington lawyer” tells us. [Politico] Read more on …
  power worship

‘MAGICAL ELVES’ ARE SHOOTING A D.C. REALITY SHOW, TOO: Yet another dumb new show about young rich sociopaths obsessed with power and clothes: “From the Emmy award-winning producers of Project Runway and Top Chef comes a new documentary series about the chic up and comers in our nation’s capital. If you are a Washington, D.C., society insider, recent college graduate or future political powerhouse, please e-mail us atcasting@magicalelves.com. You must be 21 or over and currently live in D.C. or be planning to move there in the next couple of months.” DON’T BELIEVE THEM! Magical elves (e.g. Mitt Romney) are known succubi. [Ezra Klein] Read more on …
  food/booze news!

Experience Mexico City Without Getting Kidnapped By a Drug Cartel And More Food Events

Thursday, March 19: There will be delicious cocktails and hors d’ oeuvres at Bread for the City’s big fund raising event, “Art with a Heart.” Simply pay the $200 ticket, and you’re in. 6PM at the Capitol Hilton. [BFC] Read more on Experience Mexico City Without Getting Kidnapped By a Drug Cartel And More Food Events… Read more on Experience Mexico City Without Getting Kidnapped By a Drug Cartel And More Food Events…
  taco night

La Loma: Eat Burritos With Your Congressman (Maybe)

La Loma is the perfect place to go if you want Mexican food in a festive atmosphere and you don’t really care what you’re eating, as long as it’s smothered in orange cheese. It’s also a fantastic place to go if you want to eavesdrop on some first hand DC gossip — after all, this is Capitol Hill. Read more on La Loma: Eat Burritos With Your Congressman (Maybe)…
  helpful tips

A Good Time to Visit Your Capitol

If you’ve ever wished to see the Capitol without writhing hordes of school-aged children blocking your view, then late Friday afternoon seems to be a good time. The lines are minimal, and you can actually get a good look at the fancy new visitor center that cost America $621 million. Read more on A Good Time to Visit Your Capitol…
  never forget

No Problem Here

The war on terror is over, and America won! Here is proof, in the form of a rusty emergency box directly outside the Longworth House Office Building on Capitol Hill. If any homeland security threats remained, this box would surely be unblemished, maybe even operational! Read more on No Problem Here…
  would the baby like some hot bottled water?

John McCain Ruins Compromise For Now

See, we say things like “[McCain] could also maybe light the current bipartisan compromise on fire and order everyone to draft a new one,” as jokes. You know, “funnies.” You take reality and bend it, to make the humans laugh! HA HA HA, like that! But then the McCain campaign always takes our joke and INSTITUTES IT, AS POLICY. And that’s how John McCain has ruined whatever tenuous late-game compromise the adults had reached. And all he had to do was show up and open his trap. Read more on John McCain Ruins Compromise For Now…
  sex contest

Meet The 50 Hottest Pieces On Capitol Hill!

Washington’s The Hill newspaper has published its 2008 list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill, and yes, they were somehow able to find the requisite 50 people! We don’t really know where to begin with this. Checking out all the names and pictures takes long enough, and then there are little articles for each entry — long articles. So far the only sentence we’ve read, arbitrarily selected, was this: “It seems that when Coty Wamp, daughter of Rep. Zach Wamp (R-Tenn.), was 11, an alien invaded her body.” We dare not ask any further questions. Read more on Meet The 50 Hottest Pieces On Capitol Hill!…
  wtf?

Richard Simmons Freaks Out, In Congress

Here’s a nice video from The Hill newspaper that shows fitness creep Richard Simmons annoying Capitol Hill for several hours yesterday. He testifies to a House committee about No Child Left Behind destroying public schools’ physical education programs, and he exercises with Hill staffers outside the building. For Republican Congressmen who could witness this from the Capitol’s bathroom windows, it was a dream come true. In this video, Simmons starts freaking out to Congress at :52, then ratchets it up at 1:15, then “climaxes” at 1:30. It is hilarious. This Hill reporter, Erica whatever, seems nice. [YouTube] Read more on Richard Simmons Freaks Out, In Congress…
  scandal on the mound

Did Chip Pickering Destroy Some Old Young Man At Congressional Baseball Game?

Chip Pickering, the Mississippi Congressman who’s retiring to spend more time with his divorced family and mistresses, participated in last night’s annual Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game one last time, for the fans. If you would like a recap of last night’s game that cannot go three words without divining about what it portends for the election, we recommend The New Republic. We’re more interested, however, in an alleged incident that an eyewitness tells us about, involving our friend Chip: that he let go of his aluminum bat during a practice swing in the on-deck circle, letting it soar into the crowd and destroy some man’s face. Read more on Did Chip Pickering Destroy Some Old Young Man At Congressional Baseball Game?…
  paultardpalooza

Everyone’s Excited for Paultardpalooza!

The Paultards are onto us, the “addicts and derelicts.” We were only planning on going to the March drunk, not on drugs, although that sounds like a pretty good idea now that they’ve mentioned it. Anyway, we’ll have details for our 9 a.m. Saturday Paultardpalooza Pre-gaming by the end of the afternoon. If you’re interested in coming (most likely to a bar around Capitol Hill), please send an e-mail to tips@wonkette.com, with subject line “HOT NAKED FLAPPERS.” We just want to get a basic headcount. [Ron Paul Forums] Read more on Everyone’s Excited for Paultardpalooza!…
  days of rage

Hillary Clinton Returns To Senate, Eats Lunch, Saves America

American Superstar Hillary Clinton has reemerged from her secret vacation cabana in Outer Space and returned to the Senate, for Work. As she exited her car on Capitol Hill, hundreds of supporters and reporters greeted her. She was wearing powder blue clothes. She ate lunch with other Senators. She may have read some policy briefs. Congress is awful. [NYT/The Caucus] Read more on Hillary Clinton Returns To Senate, Eats Lunch, Saves America…
 

Capitol Launches Intra-Office Laser War?

Thanks to Wonkette laser operative “A.” for sending this photo from outside the House office buildings today. Apparently everyone on Capitol Hill is going to stop pretending to “fix the country” and play Laser War all afternoon instead. Read more on Capitol Launches Intra-Office Laser War?…
 

Ron Paul Liberty Phoenix Attacks Capitol Hill

Wonkette operative “Cris” writes: “I was out running on the mall during my lunch break when I caught sight of a smattering of Paultards with obscenely huge Ron Paul 2008 signs on the lawn of the Capitol. Just as I was swinging by the lawn, a ‘Tard was introducing the founder of a web site called Liberty Phoenix. As the speaker took the stage, a little girl who was walking around the area with her father began to flap her wings and say ‘I’m a liberty phoenix, I’m a liberty phoenix!’ Her dad immediately said ‘stop that’ and dragged her away. Apparently the FDA mandated that ‘Tard speak was unsafe for children 12 and under.” Hey, HILL PEOPLE, go and take a photo or seven of the Liberty Phoenix right now! Read more on Ron Paul Liberty Phoenix Attacks Capitol Hill…