capitol hill

Hooray, the Dow Jones decided to start its day with a two hundred point crash in apparent surprise at history’s least surprising news ever, that somehow a few months of mindless bickering between the twelve members of the bipartisan congressional deficit-reduction “supercommittee” has — how is it possible? you ask — officially amounted to abject […]

There will be tear gas and a Twitter revolution any moment now, because even the boring old Presbyterians are going to go to prison for praying that this whole debt ceiling disaster go away very soon. This is probably the most exciting thing that has happened to Presbyterians since John Calvin wrote the Institutes during […]

Where would this country be without Allen West? Exploded to pieces by Muslim terrorists and feminist rage, that’s where! Every single day, Nazis and African-American prison inmates are playing ski-ball in their basements and casually discussing their plans for the Ground Zero Mosque while the rest of America sobs ignorantly over the nation’s economic demise, […]

America was founded upon dusty Old Testament scrolls handed down from the Heavens by Jesus and the cowboys. And then the Jews came, as prophesied, and turned Washington into their surrogate Promised Land, and they have ruled ever since. Luckily for poor, uneducated and underrepresented Christian Patriots, Jewish interests mesh exactly with those of the […]

Everyone knows the drill. The man allegedly began to make physically threatening gestures toward the officer, which prompted the officer to draw his gun and instruct the man to lay down on the ground. “He began to threaten the officer physically,” Morse told The Hill. “The officer took a defensive posture to thwart that aggressive […]

If you make it through even a little of the “50 Most Beautiful People” on the Hill list — especially the moving prose — you will learn that the people on this annual summer-gimmick list made it there because of the ability to survive on a diet of cheese nips, pasta, and Diet Mountain Dew. […]

Absolutely nothing of note is happening in politics today, and it’s sort of hard to blog about nothing. But it is possible, by some sort of mathematical anomaly, to blog about less than nothing, so here we go! The Hill, you see, finds some people more attractive than other people, physically! And so every year […]

An ecstatic Hill staffer spreads the good news — nay, the best news for Hill staffers in probably their whole lives! “Here is a picture of the cock-tease hot dog vending machine that has been inoperable for the past 6 months. With the passage of health care reform which means free coverage for everyone except […]

Here’s a welcome change from the usual mouth-breathing teabaggers farting up the Capitol: Happy youth, who just wandered over to the Hill to see what’s up, for the laffs! And our Liz Glover captured their merriment (and their souls) with her Soulcatcher Machine.

COMEDY IS NOT PRETTY  12:55 pm March 16, 2010

by Ken Layne

TEABAGGER PHOTO ALERT: Whoa hey there are a bunch of Teabaggers hanging around the Capitol right now? With signs and pirate hats and everything? We don’t know if Newell is out taking pictures or if they already eated him, so if you’re nearby plz go take some pictures and send them to your tips @ […]

Wonkette motorist operative “Marcus” sent us this telephone picture of the rather uncouth car he was stuck behind yesterday, during the Super Bowl of Retardation. This fellow hates Obama so much that he — and we’re presuming “he,” because how unladylike! — chose to attach a massive cut-out of a donkey shitting Obama’s head on […]

Operative “Randy C,” of fleeting Halloween costume Internet fame, has graciously donated his “pubic option” poster to the teabaggers. Is that pastor taking a shine to it? Meanwhile, another Hill operative reports on an overheard conversation between two members of the mobilizing force:

TRAITORS  6:08 pm November 4, 2009

by Jim Newell

BACHMANN’S CHIEF OF STAFF QUITS: Michelle Marston, who has helped Michele Bachmann project her radioactive insanity to a larger audience since becoming chief of staff in early 2008, quit that job today — one day before Bachmann’s “Super Bowl of Freedom,” on Capitol Hill. Marston will not disclose her reasons, which is great, because now […]

POWER WORSHIP  2:03 pm October 29, 2009

by Jim Newell

‘MAGICAL ELVES’ ARE SHOOTING A D.C. REALITY SHOW, TOO: Yet another dumb new show about young rich sociopaths obsessed with power and clothes: “From the Emmy award-winning producers of Project Runway and Top Chef comes a new documentary series about the chic up and comers in our nation’s capital. If you are a Washington, D.C., […]

Thursday, March 19: There will be delicious cocktails and hors d’ oeuvres at Bread for the City’s big fund raising event, “Art with a Heart.” Simply pay the $200 ticket, and you’re in. 6PM at the Capitol Hilton. [BFC]