Tag Archives: capitalism

  perfect day

Deleted Comments Of The Day: I Guess This Is Your Idea Of ‘Creative Writing?’

Can anyone doubt that Wonkette’s Own Gary Legum has earned himself an appointment to the Jim Newell Memorial Chair in Peggy Noonan Studies? Apparently, someone can, and that someone is irate Accipitriform-American reader “HMichaelHAWK,” who had this to say about our most recent foray into Noonanlandia: I guess this is your idea of “Creative Writing?” It’s fairly boring in its extreme bias and Ad Hominem attacks. I guess when you have no substantive argument, you write something like this. Anyway, I doubt Peggy feels threatened by what you have written, since you record of intelligent composition is not even a “Mini-Me” of what she has accomplished. But it was fun to read the drivel you create. Dear God. If there’s anything more terrifying than the idea of a Noonan homunculus out there, guzzling gin and slurring its paeans to Ronald Reagan, we do not want to know. Guess we won’t be sleeping tonight. Happy Halloween to you, too, HMichaelHAWK. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: I Guess This Is Your Idea Of ‘Creative Writing?’…
  how stuff works

Capitalist Running Dogs Rand Paul And Alan Greenspan Will Teach You Dumb Liberals About Capitalism

Gosh, we are such dumb liberals! We thought we knew all about capitalism, an economic system most of us have lived with our entire lives. We thought we knew all about private ownership, and free markets, and the commodification of labor, and investment, and consumption, and all that jazz! And we thought we knew about the externalities like pollution and poverty and political corruption that come from capitalism, and how they are bad. So dumb! So liberal! Ugh, we disgust ourselves. Thank heavens there are men like Rand Paul and Alan Greenspan to set us straight. Open wide, dumb liberals, because here is Rand Paul on Hannity to regurgitate Economy Facts about Obamacare into your hungry gullets: Read more on Capitalist Running Dogs Rand Paul And Alan Greenspan Will Teach You Dumb Liberals About Capitalism…
  bring them your tired poor huddled masses

Nice Time: Liz Warren And Ed Markey Being Total Hippies Again

Oh. My. God. Libruls are TEH WORST! Damn hippies always seeking to create policy that benefits ‘the poors,’ when we all know that John Calvin, Wordy Shipmates, Shining City on a Hill, America, fuck yeah. Who are the heretics today who seek to desecrate the foundational principles of Jesus’s Capitalist Emporium for Jesus? None other than Senators Elizabeth Warren (D-Heart Flutters) and Ed Markey (D-New Guy). Per Daily Kos: Since Congress isn’t going to pass sane policy like an increased minimum wage and sick leave anytime soon, it’s up to the blue states and cities to do it. Next up, we hope: Massachusetts, where a coalition has formed to get these measures on the 2014 ballot. The lead petitioners’ names will be familiar: Sen. Elizabeth Warren for the minimum wage, and Sen. Ed Markey for earned sick time. While this might make New Pope happy, it will certainly anger the True Flock, who know that wealth is a sign that God loves you, which is why Jesus had a net worth of old sandals, some pieces of lumber, and some gently used nails.  Read more on Nice Time: Liz Warren And Ed Markey Being Total Hippies Again…
  let them eat stock

Let CNBC Discuss What’s Important About Citi’s 4,000 Layoffs: Stock Prices!

Oh goody, Citibank laid off almost 5% of their workforce RIGHT BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS, and this of course invites serious analysis about a variety of important topics. Like: what will these people and their families do vis a vis jobs? What about the fact that taxpayers bailed out Citi to the tune of $45 billion — does this create a sort of a social contract between Citi and the taxpayers and did Citi break it by laying these people off right before the holidays? What about the fact that recently-departed CEO Vikram Pandit took home over $200 million over the course of his five years at this company — was that appropriate in retrospect, considering that Citi is now engaging in massive layoffs, and if it’s not, what steps should Citi take to ensure that executive pay packages are reasonable? Except NONE of these topics were explored on CNBC, who devoted their Citi segment to discussing What This Means for the shareholders and for the market, which appeared to be pleased by Citi’s human sacrifice. Read more on Let CNBC Discuss What’s Important About Citi’s 4,000 Layoffs: Stock Prices!…
  let them eat quiche

This $100,000 Chicken Coop Will Win You A ‘First Place’ Against ‘The Wall’ When ‘The Revolution’ ‘Comes’

It’s that time of year again! Time for the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Christmas Book of Charming Gifts for the guy at Papa Johns! Can you stand the excitement? Neither can we! But while there are plenty of stupid ways to blow the greasy wads of cash that have turned you from human being to Donald Trump, only one really stands out for its gobsmacking lack of humanity and empathy and realization that there are units we call “people” who roam the earth, the kind that says FUCK THEM, YOU MADE IT! Let us find out what it is, together! (Hint: It is a $100,000 chicken coop, like it says in the headline, and also that picture.) Read more on This $100,000 Chicken Coop Will Win You A ‘First Place’ Against ‘The Wall’ When ‘The Revolution’ ‘Comes’…
  he's the ayn randiest!

Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You

Now that Chris Christie has dared to show what used to be the standard amount of deference and respect due to the office of the president, the right wing has pounced on him like Rush Limbaugh on a Dominican hooker. The latest complaint is that he is not allowing oil companies to take advantage of New Jersey’s misfortune and charge whatever they want in storm-stricken neighborhoods filled with desperate people. There are long lines, you see, ever so long lines of people waiting for gasoline, and Chris Christie could fix these long lines if he just let gas stations charge, say, $20 per gallon. Why is Chris Christie a mean man that hates price gouging and by extension, capitalism? Read more on Stupid Hurricane ‘Victims,’ Let Fox News’ John Stossel Explain Why It Is Awesome To Price Gouge You…
  take your cheese and shove it

Small Businessman Built That, Sits On Throne Of Non-Union Lies

Last month, an African-American businessman named Calvin Hunter wrote a column for a website called Canada Free Press. He wrote about why, after spending his whole life a loyal Democrat, he now hates the Rotten Horrible Democrat Party. We know about this because Allen West told us about it on the tweeter yesterday, in case we did not spend a lot of time on websites that claim things such as Huma Abedin really being a terrorist plant. This one isn’t about Evil Islam though — it’s about discrimination, and West said it was “why more black Americans are leaving the Democrat party,” and it is definitely not petulant ramblings from a guy in a lime green hat, and is most certainly not a big giant fibbity fib fib. Read more on Small Businessman Built That, Sits On Throne Of Non-Union Lies…
  mitt romney actually did build that

Mitt Romney Talks Down At You For A Bit Today

Mitt Romney has taken to the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal to share with you a children’s story about How Mitt Romney Saved Capitalism. This is in preparation for the upcoming sequel, Mitt Romney Saves Everything In The World And Paul Ryan Is Here, Too. The back-to-school season is here, and as parents take their children to shop for school supplies, I suspect that many of them will be visiting a Staples store. I’m very familiar with those stores because Staples is one of many businesses we helped create and expand at Bain Capital, a firm that my colleagues and I built. The firm succeeded by growing and fixing companies. Do you know that pencil you use to write down your maths? The eraser you use to hide your shameful mistakes because under Obamunism you do not know your numbers? Mitt Romney gave you that power. It is his power. A question before we continue: why does Mitt Romney write like a nervous high schooler writing for an essay competition? “I’m very familiar with these stores”? Is this some fucking novel revelation because you are fifteen years old and the most exciting thing you’ve ever done in your life is hugged a girl for a really long time behind an RV on your family vacation? Read more on Mitt Romney Talks Down At You For A Bit Today…
  suffer the little children

Barack Obama Now Trying To Murder White Children, With Asthma

How is the Obama administration trying to murder white children today? Oh, only by giving them more asthma, for racial fairness, according to this incredibly logical and sane explicator in The American Thinker. Thinking! Pull up your coffee, and learn how to do it, with the American Thinker to guide you! The Obama Administration has identified the latest front in its tireless war against America’s systemic injustice: asthma. A new report […] argues, in effect, that freedom has led to an unfair distribution of healthy lungs, and therefore steps must be taken to achieve respiratory justice. The official press release for this report does not commit itself on the question of whether greater asthmatic-racial “parity” ought to be attained by reducing the incidence of asthma among minorities, increasing the rate among whites, or some combination of the two. Well of course Barack Obama wants to give more white children asthma, that is what the EPA drones over the Heartland are for, to ooze diabolical chem-trails onto the (white) children of farmers, that just makes sense. Read more on Barack Obama Now Trying To Murder White Children, With Asthma…
  das kapital

Jennifer Rubin Opens Yap

Does Barack Obama understand capitalism? This is a legitimate question that Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post would like answered, given that Obama is a Socialist bully who uses intemperate language and who is NEVER EVER THERE for America’s bff Israel and MIGHT take powers granted to him by Obamacare to legislate “new and previously unimaginable infringements on individual liberty and decimating the federal structure of our government.“ His recent attacks on poor, defenseless Bain Capital can only mean one thing: Obama does not understand Capitalism, because duh. …[Bain’s] “brand” of capitalism is capitalism, and in its undiluted state does create hardship, but nothing in comparison to the amount of suffering inherent in other, less successful economic models. Two points should be kept in mind. First, we don’t have undiluted capitalism precisely because, while capitalism is the greatest wealth-creator the world has ever known (I think Obama even said this), we don’t as a compassionate society want undue suffering in the short term. Hence, we have unemployment insurance and an array of social safety-net programs. Look, do you want to live in “other, less successful economic models” — like the kind of social democracy they have in Sweden, where everyone has free health care and education and paid maternity leave? DO YOU? Do you EVEN KNOW what kind of freedom and liberty you’d lose? And the suffering, my god, the suffering. Because nothing compares to the amount of suffering you see amongst those Swedish commie socialist pinkos, not even the minimal amount of suffering you might see in undiluted capitalism, which we don’t even HAVE. Read more on Jennifer Rubin Opens Yap…
  whore diamonds aren't forever

Newt Gingrich Is All Out Of Whore Diamonds

We have had a lot of fun over the years pointing and laughing at Ol’ Yeller, Newt Gingrich. One of the things we have liked best is laughing about how very bad he is with money, because of how he is a common hustler who rips off everyone within a 26,000-mile radius. But today, Reuters points us to a tragic tale: not only is Newtypie’s campaign 80 trillion dollars in debt or whatever, but his personal fortune — his “empire” pulled in $110 million over the past decade — welp, that’s gone too and everyone is as bankrupt as Donald Trump. OH NOEZ! The Gingrich Group bankruptcy proceedings spotlight the remarkable reversal of fortune of the half-dozen organizations associated with Gingrich. The presidential contender recently ended his campaign $4.8 million in debt. A political nonprofit he headed, American Solutions for Winning the Future, which raised $52 million between its founding in 2007 and its dissolution last July, also ended in debt. That would buy so very many whore diamonds. Have these people no priorities? Let us read some more eye-goggling numbers please, Reuters, perhaps with a bonus aside about what a liar the entire right wing is about their stupid keening over NAZI SOSHULIST MANDATES! Read more on Newt Gingrich Is All Out Of Whore Diamonds…
  move along vagrants

Long National Nightmare Over As Rich People Back To Being Richer Than Ever!

Why the long face? Have you not heard? According to CNN.com… The Fortune 500 are thriving as a group. Unlike the U.S. economy, they’ve shown quicksilver agility, rapidly shifting their product mix and producing more goods at little new cost. Did you catch that? They’re not just thriving as individuals, they’re thriving as an entire group! The Fortune 500’s swashbuckling captains of enterprise and industry managed to rake more cash than they did in 2006, before minorities forced banks to lend them money and OBAMA and his COMMUNIST POLICIES ruined the economy for everyone. USA! USA! USA! Before we go any further, let’s pause to thank Occupy for their big Mayday fail, without which we would not be free to bask in the sunshine of AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM and SOMETHING HAVING TO DO WITH FREEDOM. Read more on Long National Nightmare Over As Rich People Back To Being Richer Than Ever!…
  citizens just cause trouble

Obama Installs Consumer Chief, Officially Makes Citizens ‘Consumers’

Citing a pressing need to legally redefine Americans as “consumers” before they get any other big ideas, President Obama today appointed his choice to lead the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. The appointment bypassed the Senate, because the Republican minority there won’t allow anything but tax cuts for the rich and new War Contracts. The Senate has not officially adjourned since last year, because the GOP won’t allow that, either. So the procedural fake outrage today is about the president’s authority to make recess appointments, even though Obama is appointing someone with “bipartisan support” who has been waiting for a year to go to work. What that work will entail, however, is the formal conversion of U.S. citizens to “consumers.” Considering how quickly the rights of human citizens are being signed away by this president, perhaps it is a good thing that the American people are getting a new designation! Read more on Obama Installs Consumer Chief, Officially Makes Citizens ‘Consumers’…
  #occupywalmart

Wal-Mart’s Billions and the Art Museum of Cruelty: A Christmas Carol

Here is a number we’ve seen bouncing around this week that really makes us want to fire up the old Yule Log, in the sense that the “Yule Log” is a tightly bound human centipede of the richest hundred humans in America, lit on fire: The six heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune have about $93 billion between them, more money and financial assets than the combined 100,000,000 Americans at the bottom of our crushing economic system. With half of all Americans now officially poor or “near poor” — which is somehow worse than plain poverty, as “near poor” means you don’t qualify for the minimal safety net this country generously offers some of its most desperate people — it is not a complete surprise that the rich must be very rich indeed these days. But the idea of six heirs to a corporate fortune built upon the destruction of American manufacturing, American small business and the American working class owning more than 30% of the entire nation, well that is the kind of thing that makes us think of Charles Dickens, and the holiday of abject misery and constant war against the impoverished called “Christmastime.” Read more on Wal-Mart’s Billions and the Art Museum of Cruelty: A Christmas Carol…
  capitalism is now a dirty word

Republican Strategists ‘Frightened To Death’ By #OWS Movement

While the Occupy Wall Street movement can sometimes seem to be more about tents and police and pepper spray than the crushing economic injustice in this country, Republican political operatives are having no trouble at all figuring out exactly what #OWS wants. “I’m so scared of this anti-Wall Street effort. I’m frightened to death,” top GOP strategist Frank Luntz said at the Republican Governors Association meeting in Orlando this week. “They’re having an impact on what the American people think of capitalism.” Uh oh, looks like the dupes are starting to figure out capitalism isn’t fair. The GOP better have some pat answers ready when their former stooges in the destroyed middle class start asking fancy questions about income equality! Read more on Republican Strategists ‘Frightened To Death’ By #OWS Movement…
  heroes

Meet the Smart Anthropologist Anarchist Who Helped Launch #OWS

Here’s something we don’t say every day: This long, well-written profile in Bloomberg BusinessWeek is inspiring. It’s about David Graeber, “the Anti-Leader of Occupy Wall Street,” and he is just the kind of smart anthropologist that Florida criminal/governor Rick Scott must’ve been thinking about during that whole “shut down the teaching of anthropology” idiocy. Read more on Meet the Smart Anthropologist Anarchist Who Helped Launch #OWS…