Tag: capitalism

Trump Cabinet Not Too Busy Destroying Government To Have Bible Study With Idiot

Betsy DeVos and Rick Perry and all the rest of them are in Bible study with this dick.
Boob Says 'Titties'

You Like Money? We Like Money Too! A Wonkette Econosplainer!

Let Wonkette be your financial advice place, we are probably better at it.

Papa John’s Guy Sad That NFL Players Care More About Police Brutality Than His Pizza Sales

Apparently there is a lot of crossover between people who love police brutality and also love shitty pizza.

‘Christian’ ‘Rehab’ Owner Keeps Slaves In America, Thinks Jesus Loves Her, IS WRONG

Every time you think you understand what evil looks like there's another news story.

Fucked-Up United Airlines Thing Just Another Day For You And Me In Paradise

We bet you thought you'd seen the worst cops already. You had not seen the worst cops.
a simpler time

What Airline Let A Teen Get Molested On Its Plane Like It’s No Big Deal This Time?

Air travel. There's nothing white people like to complain about more than the minor annoyances associated with boarding an aluminum capsule and traveling thousands of miles in a few hours. Honestly, the complaints are tiresome unless you're Muslim, Muslim-adjacent,...
bringing out the best in us since 2005

Walmart And Pals Trying To Lower Black Friday Body Count, How Nice!

Among our country's holidays, perhaps none is truly more American than Black Friday. After a day of food, football, and listening to an uncle say "that Ted Cruz makes some good points about the Gold Standard," we are given the option to unleash our...

Speaker Paul Ryan Damn Sure He’s The Only American Who Deserves Weekends

In case you were wondering how long it would take newly elected Speaker of the House Paul Ryan to remind everyone he's still a standard-issue Republican dick, the answer is: Haha, dummy, did it break your brain when you fell off...

Why Republicans And CNBC Can F*ck Themselves Right In the Free Market

On Wednesday, Americans watched the third Republican presidential debate. Well, some Americans, anyway. The ones who could afford it. Because, in case you needed reminding, freedom isn't free. And neither was access to a debate among contenders to be the next leader of...
Is he even Catholic?

New Pope Tells Congress The State Of The Union Is Insufficiently Communist

New Pope Frank is addressing Congress, even though some of our nation's Very Serious And Good Christian Republicans have insisted New Pope is A Idiot who should keep his nose out of our American bidness, except for the part...

Archbishop Steve King Lectures Pope On How To Catholic Good

Iowa congressmelon Steve King is a Catholic, and as a concerned member of the most strictly hierarchical religious institution on the planet, he'd like to take the opportunity to set Pope Francis straight about a few points of Catholic...
You gave him a boo-boo, Iowa, ON HIS FEELINGS.

Donald Trump Warns Pope Francis About ISIS Monsters Under His Bed

Pope Francis is heading to America soon, whereupon he'll do that thing where he kisses the little Catholic babies and says "Death to America," or at least that's how it sounds to Republicans, who don't like how he says...
This revisionism will not stand, man

Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek

Ted Cruz is trying to ruin your beloved childhood memories again. First, he fucked up The Simpsons, and now he's coming after Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry's Kennedy Administration in Space fantasia. In Cruz's mental version of the show, Captain...
Why does Obama hate freedom scams?

Barack Obama Literally Slaughtered Terrible For-Profit Scam Corinthian ‘Colleges.’ Oh. How Terrible.

You may remember that last summer, Obama's cabal of Education Department goons went after esteemed for-profit Corinthian Colleges, targeting them for the unspeakable crime of being too awesome and making too much money. Sure, the USDE said it was...