What can we even add to this?

Capital Club Halloween Party - Looking for Jon Benet - m4w
Reply to: pers-227695292@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-30, 11:19AM EST

I am trying to reach Jon Benet Ramsey, from the Capital Club/Smith Point party at the Galleria Sat night. IF anyone has any information I am offering a $100 reward for information leading to her identity!!!

About me - [He actually put his name here]
* this is in or around DC

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You can never be too careful these days, which is why the polo-shirt-wearin’ cover-band-lovin’ young Republicans of the Capital Club have been instructed by somebody — lawyer? daddy? — to Remove the phrase “one of the foremost and respected clubs nationwide” and replace it with the sadly modest “a nationally recognized organization.” MORE »

“That’s FUNNY, you QUEER. LAUGH.”

You never know what’s gonna happen at the Capital Club’s annual “Swine on the Vine” party! So promises The Hill’s Betsy Rothstein, anyway, and boy, does it sound unpredictable!

One year, members of this quasi-fraternity decided to play a prank on Matt Jessee, a member who had not shown up for the bash. They posted a “Free Kittens” sign with his cell phone number at the party, prompting 100 calls. Jessee, a lobbyist for Bryan Cave Strategies and former aide to Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.), vowed never to miss a party again.

ROFLMAO. Seriously, tears over here. And Billy Bush might show up. BILLY FUCKING BUSH, PEOPLE.

More Cap Club follies, after the jump.

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