Tag Archives: cap-and-trade

  Sounds Like Heresy To Us

Shell Oil CEO Believes In Global Warming Because He Is A Dirty Hippie Obviously

He's secretly sick of that shade of yellow
This should be fun for Fox News to explain away: The CEO of Royal Dutch Shell, Ben van Beurden, said at an energy industry conference in London that climate change is real and that a system of pricing carbon would be the best way to start reducing CO2 emissions. It’s almost as if the guy were some kind of radical leftist who hates prosperity! Read more on Shell Oil CEO Believes In Global Warming Because He Is A Dirty Hippie Obviously…
  scary movies

South Dakota GOP Halloween Tale Of Terror: Dirty Hippie Running For Congress Went To Cambridge, Has Master’s Degree

Who do you want representing you, South Dakota? A disgusting hippie who loves “cap and trade” and taught at the Biosphere and has a master’s degree? Or this nice lady with the awesome hair who was named “young farmer of the year” by the “Waterstown JC” (?) and who didn’t whore herself out to Big Education? We are fairly sure the answer is self-evident! For instance, take a look at the picture above. See all the nice things Kristi Noem was doing in 2001? Awesome. What was her filthy radical opponent doing at the time? GOING TO CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY like a common intellectual. Which leaves unanswered the very important questions: Does Matt Varilek wear glasses, and if so, when will South Dakota gift him with the “re-education” he so obviously needs? Read more on South Dakota GOP Halloween Tale Of Terror: Dirty Hippie Running For Congress Went To Cambridge, Has Master’s Degree…
  murder balls

Joe Manchin Says He Doesn’t Hunt People With Gun, Just Stacks of Paper

Sen. Joe Manchin saw some Republican candidates in the midterms using heated rhetoric about using their guns on people, so he decided he had to do it too. So he went hunting for a wild cap-and-trade bill on some coon trail and shot it in slow motion with his sexy shotgun. Did he field dress it? Did he eat it raw, or did he cook it or make it into jerky? Did he “use the whole animal,” Indian-style? We don’t know, because the commercial is only 30 seconds. But Joe Manchin needs us to know that he would never actually kill somebody. “I have never targeted an individual, and I never would,” he said. Joe Manchin just wants to murder the environment, not you. Read more on Joe Manchin Says He Doesn’t Hunt People With Gun, Just Stacks of Paper…
  oil is so tasty

Meh Cap-And-Trade Whatever

It’s Barack Obama in New Hampshire! Here he is politely acknowledging that the Senate will probably drop cap-and-trade this year. And sorry, “Starbucks coffee enthusiasts,” but that sounds like a pretty good idea right now. Read more on Meh Cap-And-Trade Whatever…
  cartoon violence

America Vs. the Sex Dwarves

By the Comics CurmudgeonReaders, your Comics Curmudgeon apologizes for missing last week’s column, but you were all probably using alcohol, smoked meat products, and dangerous explosives to mask your self-loathing and economic despair and weren’t watching the Interhoo anyway, were you? You probably didn’t even notice that I was gone, after all I do for you, week after week … [quiet sobbing] … where was I? Oh, right, last week. Anyway, Sarah Palin quit and Michael Jackson died or whatever, so obviously this week’s Cartoon Violence is all about sex perversions involving moose and little people. Read more on America Vs. the Sex Dwarves…
  beating around the bush

John Boehner Simply Does Not Care For This Cap-And-Trade Bill

Today, in our ongoing celebration of profane Republican lawmakers, we bring you the beloved Ohio smoke-mummy John Boehner. On Friday he very coyly suggested that Nancy Pelosi’s “Let’s All Give Anal Beads to the Polar Bears for Christmas” enviroterrorist legislation was not quite to his taste … Read more on John Boehner Simply Does Not Care For This Cap-And-Trade Bill…
  you must participate in this

Gathering Of Mimes Will Halt Climate Change

Flash mob, you guys! Cryptic playing card mementos, just like the Joker used! What’s it all add up to? A very urgent Citizen Effort to halt climate change, taking place at your local Longworth cafeteria in, hmm, 45 minutes or so. Read more on Gathering Of Mimes Will Halt Climate Change…
  fightin' the gorillas

Joe Barton Hard At Work, Being An Asshole

Opossum-eyed Jesus geologist Joe Barton, Republican Congressman from Texas, signaled his intent last month to stop the liberal Waxman-Markey energy bill — the one with cap-and-trade, which is about hamburgers — with traditional adult methods of opposition: “I’m going to be the sneaky little guy that pops up from behind the bush and fights the guerrilla. But guerrilla warfare does succeed sometimes.” (Fortunately for him this world has professional transcribers, because he definitely was saying he wanted to fight a gorilla.) And now he is popping up from behind the bush with a reasonable plan to block the legislation by proposing 450 comical amendments — four-hundred-and-fifty — that will simply be rejected, one by one, during an exhausting process that will embarrass the United States around the world and in Heaven. HAW HAW HAW. Read more on Joe Barton Hard At Work, Being An Asshole…
  the failed institution of democracy

Majority Of Americans Think ‘Cap-And-Trade’ Is About Hamburgers

Sometimes you wonder if pollsters ask themselves “Is this an insulting thing to ask people?” before dialing up the opinionated American electorate. But no, not insulting, just revealing: “Given a choice of three options, just 24% of voters can correctly identify the cap-and-trade proposal as something that deals with environmental issues. A slightly higher number (29%) believe the proposal has something to do with regulating Wall Street while 17% think the term applies to health care reform. A plurality (30%) have no idea.” Hmm, looks to us like a majority (76%) “have no idea.” The other 24% are just queers. [Rasmussen via Yglesias] Read more on Majority Of Americans Think ‘Cap-And-Trade’ Is About Hamburgers…