Tag Archives: cannibalism

  The House Of Seven Goebbels

Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘The Scarlet Letter’ Is Bad For Jesus And America

Of course there's a manga version
It’s Pearl Harbor Day, so what more fitting time to talk about an attack on America? Only this isn’t an attack from some evil foreign empire (redundant, since all foreigns are evil) but from within. As we’re learning from wingnut radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson, we’re under attack by our very own cultural touchstones — at least those that aren’t the Holy Bible. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘The Scarlet Letter’ Is Bad For Jesus And America…
  Accuracy In Slut Shaming

Anti-Abortion Lady Does Math Proving Abortion Is Fake

Lesbian and/or baby-killer
So Thursday on the Twittersphere, some pro-choice ladies had a big internet event, telling their own stories of having had abortions, with the goal of reducing the stigma of talking about a legal medical procedure that one in three women have had. The 1 in 3 Campaign featured a hundred people telling their stories and tweeting about them. Read more on Anti-Abortion Lady Does Math Proving Abortion Is Fake…
  The Marx of the Beast

Sundays With The Christianists: Homos And Demons And Marx, Oh My!

Why is there a union jack on the skull? Your guess is as good as any. Let's say it represent Marx's London years.
Here we are at Part 3 of our dive into Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, by Kevin Swanson, the radio preacher who likes to warn that the Pill leaves women’s wombs chock full of tiny dead babies, like some kind of horrifying death-muffin, and that his home state of Colorado has become one big gay pot orgy all the time, just like North Korea. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Homos And Demons And Marx, Oh My!…
  Still More Lies From The Pit Of Hell

Sundays With The Christianists: How Western Culture Got All Satanic

Image dimensions: 700 X 666 -- we swear it just worked out that way
Welcome to part 2 of our exploration of Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, by Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson, whose goal in this book is to explain just how Western Civilization was destroyed by just about everything that we commonly think of as Western Civilization — and which was, moreover, mostly inspired by Satan. As we said last week, in Swanson’s view, the pinnacle of Western culture begins and more or less ends with the Bible, and literary works that are 100% in keeping with Biblical precepts — for instance, he thinks that Augustine’s Confessions and Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress are a pretty good basis for all the literature classes you’d ever need. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Western Culture Got All Satanic…
  Still More Lies From The Pit Of Hell

Sundays With The Christianists: How Satan Did Western Civilization

Your history tutor
Welp, it took us over a year, but we’ve finally gotten around to reading a book that we warned you about in August 2013: Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson, one of our favorite minor-league Christianist nutters, went and wrote a book last year called Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West. As the title suggests, it’s all about the death of Western Civilization, which is on its last legs due to what most of us would call the greatest works of our own culture. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Satan Did Western Civilization…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Index Of Idjits

Hi-diddly-ho, Wonkerinos, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the feature where we scrape up a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. It’s like Thanksgiving leftovers that have sat out too long, except they were kind of rotten to begin with. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Index Of Idjits…
  that's some meritoriously good eatin' right there

Radio Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns Boy Scouts Want To Cannibalize Your Sodomy Badges

Just stop it already Kevin Swanson, you make us love you too much. The official Wonket spokesperson for all things “Christian radio” has once again ear-raped our masses with a slippery slope of magnificent proportion, because gay kids + square knots equals incestual-cannabalistic-sodomy badges. It’s just the natural progression of things, according to Kevin Swanson. Read more on Radio Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns Boy Scouts Want To Cannibalize Your Sodomy Badges…
  creature features

Your Dumb Old Appendix Had A Purpose After All, Invasive Species Invade, Cool Comets, And More In This Week’s Sci-Blog

Hoy there, Wonkeratti! It’s time once again for another disturbing Wonkette Sci-Blog. Pour yourselves another shot of Old Janx Spirit and come on in! The state of Florida has had some downright nightmarish problems with exotic introduced species. Ever since humans have colonized that benighted peninsula, they’ve brought in nonnative plants and animals. Some for food, like the now wide-ranging pest the Feral Pig. Some to “improve” the land, like the Australian Melaleuca tree, planted all over the Everglades to drain it for housing developments and the disgusting  Cane Toad (introduced to eat sugarcane pests, failing miserably at that but now happily eating everything else and poisoning the occasional pet dog). Some because they were considered Pretty. Some completely by accident. All of these introductions had serious unintended consequences, disrupting the existing ecology, and have been difficult if not impossible to control. One of the more notable sources of exotic problem species has been from the pet industry. There’s a whole spectrum of birds, fish and reptiles happily eating or crowding out the native animals in Florida now, after they’ve either escaped from suppliers, owners get tired of them and put them outside to “Be Free,” or both. There’s the horrible, voracious Indonesian Walking Catfish, eating its way through aquaculture ponds and simply walking away when aquatic poisons are used. There’s around 17 species of introduced South and Central American Ciclids. There’s the loud agricultural pest and destroyer of power lines the Monk Parakeet. Various ex-pet Lizards  and the famous, voracious  Burmese Python. That’s the Short List. We’re not even going to discuss the Wild Monkeys, because they’re fucking wild monkeys in Florida and monkeys fill us with Fear & Loathing at the best of times. Read more on Your Dumb Old Appendix Had A Purpose After All, Invasive Species Invade, Cool Comets, And More In This Week’s Sci-Blog…
  wwjd?

Good Sunday News: Christian Puppeteer Was Arrested Before He Could Murder And Eat A Child

Uh. Happy Sunday, everybody? Good news? Ronald William Brown, a very nice man who loved to hang out with children from his Florida trailer park, and buy them pizza, and watch over them at Sunday school, and be the puppeteer on a Christian Television Network show (above!), was not able to realize his fantasy of abducting one of said children, strangling him, and frying him up in a pan for eating. Hooray! Read more on Good Sunday News: Christian Puppeteer Was Arrested Before He Could Murder And Eat A Child…
  no reservations

Bad Boy Chef-Trotter Tony Bourdain Will Fry Up Dick Cheney’s Skull And Sodomize Him With It

Man, bad boy cheftrotter Tony Bourdain (your Editrix calls him “Tony” because of how he is her lover) will eat anything. There he always is, puking his way around Rangoon or whatever, eating turd hash on a salad of gravel and smiling wanly at his eager hosts. But what would he most like to eat? THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, in this case one Mr. Richard “Dick” Cheney, and he is “the most dangerous” because of how he shoots people in the face (and also entire countries, you know how it is, you can’t be the most powerful man in the world without breaking a few Iraqis). Wonkette operative SayItWithWookies sent us this HuffPo post, on eating Dick Cheney’s wang*, so we could end our day with a smile! Thanks, SayItWithWookies, but not bloody likely. Read more on Bad Boy Chef-Trotter Tony Bourdain Will Fry Up Dick Cheney’s Skull And Sodomize Him With It…
  watch out bush and cheney

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Congrats On Getting Rid Of Your War Criminal, Liberia!

World renowned sicko and former Liberian prez Charles Taylor is the first head of state to be convicted by an international tribunal since the Nuremberg Trials after World War II. (Nah guys, Pinochet was just Spain.) Who says that there’s no such thing as international law? Up next at The Hague is Laurent Gbagbo, the former Côte d’Ivoire president who had his citizens raped and murdered; in addition, an arrest warrant has been issued for President Omar al-Bashir of Sudan, who presides over a little region called Darfur. But like a lot of sub-Saharan Africa, Liberia is looking up! Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, elected in 2005 and again in 2011, is a Nobel Peace Prize winner, a far cry from the cannibal, serial-rapist murderer she took over for. Everyone Loves Her. For the fiscally conservative, she’s a former Citibank VP who inherited a country with $4.9 billion in debt and reduced that to virtually nothing in just a few years. For you liberals, she’s good on gay/lesbian/transgender stuff, on a continent where that’s very hard to be politically (and personally). She even won the highly coveted and prestigious 2011 African Gender Award. But her best move so far has been pushing back against a tire company that’s been fucking her country up since the 1920s. Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Congrats On Getting Rid Of Your War Criminal, Liberia!…
  nom nom nom

Hero OK Lawmaker Seeks To Outlaw Aborted Fetuses As Food Ingredient

What’s in your anusburger, Oklahoma, besides cow rectums, sawdust and glue? It can be hard to tell! Have you ever, as a result, worried to yourself, what if there are also ground up aborted human fetuses in here and I don’t even realize it? Oklahoma state Senator Ralph Shortey — his real name! — worries so fervently about this possibility that he went and introduced a bill banning the use of aborted fetuses as an ingredient in “food or any other product intended for human consumption.” You know, JUST IN CASE, GUYS. (Dog food, on the other hand, is fine.) Read more on Hero OK Lawmaker Seeks To Outlaw Aborted Fetuses As Food Ingredient…
  the soylent green lobby is gearing up

Christine O’Donnell Is Against EVERYTHING Fun

We all know that Christine O’Donnell finds it offensive, against the LORD, when someone has not yet found (or been assigned by their father or local bishop) that oppositely-sexed person with whom he or she will be spending eternity making babies, and yet they decide to sate the baby-making urge while touching their “sin place,” possibly while listening to R&B music and looking at scantily-clad actresses on basic cable. But what other enjoyable activities will Christine ban, once she is senator? The Politico, which under the O’Donnell Regime will by law be distributed to every house in the land to inform the people of the new lists of mandated and forbidden actions, offers this hint on its front page today. Read more on Christine O’Donnell Is Against EVERYTHING Fun…
  fine young cannibals

Wall Street Assholes Will Eat Your Cushy Middle-Class Job

Once General Secretary Obama and Chief Commissar Pelosi have banned all capitalist activity more advanced that barter and turned Lower Manhattan into a giant open-air market for selling organic produce and hemp blankets, what will become of the tightly wound young men who made all that money for you and me, right up until the point where they destroyed America? You were probably hoping that, having no other skills, they would literally die, after being knifed by hobos in a fight for the least filthy spots under the freeway overpass. But it turns out that they’re just going to take away your jobs (assuming, of course, that you still have a job, after they destroyed the economy.) Read on to find out how you can defend yourself! (Hint: You cannot, they are relentless and unstoppable.) Read more on Wall Street Assholes Will Eat Your Cushy Middle-Class Job…
  cartoon violence

People Are Screwing Animals

By the Comics CurmudgeonDid you know that right now, thanks to some extra-tasty crack that the Gays slipped to the members of the DC City Council, dudes are marrying other dudes in our nation’s capital, and ladies are marrying ladies? This has been happening for about five years, of course, but only in parts of the country like “Vermont” and “Iowa,” which don’t count and may not even exist. But now it’s happening right here in the seat of government! The city where our Founding Fathers gathered to sign the most important documents in our history — the Magna Carta, the Second Amendment, and the Contract With America! Read more on People Are Screwing Animals…
  cartoon violence

Nudity And Cannibalism And Whores

By the Comics CurmudgeonIf Carl Jung were alive today, he’d see political cartoons as a shortcut into our collective subconscious. Those brave few Americans who continue to read newspapers have the honor or seeing the darkest, foulest recesses of the human mind barfed out daily onto editorial pages everywhere. In order to fulfill their appointed role of shocking a jaded nation, the cartoonists select only the most depraved, taboo-violating subjects for their art. What we’re trying to say is that this week’s cartoons are all about awful stuff, so brace yourself before you click the clicky and see the things in store for you. Read more on Nudity And Cannibalism And Whores…
  cartoon violence

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures

By the Comics CurmudgeonOnce every a generation or so, it’s important that our comfortable lives are shaken up, so that we can take stock and figure out what’s really important. Sure, economic disruptions are painful, but they can also herald a return to self-reliance and old-fashioned, time-tested values. Unfortunately, our current economic crisis passed that point weeks ago, so now you’re sort of just rubbing it in, Cold Dead Hand of Adam Smith. We promise to stop with the credit cards and the adjustable rate mortgages, OK? Just give us our fucking 401Ks back. Sadly, it appears that our political leaders will be forced to take truly drastic steps to stop our planet from being transformed into a vast hobo jungle. Read more on Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures…
  clever traps

Judd Gregg Lured To Sham ‘Fiscal Responsibility Summit,’ Where Doom Awaits

Judd Gregg, a Republican senator from New Hampshire who was going to be Barack Obama’s secretary of commerce before he remembered that had already mortgaged his balls to Mitch McConnell, has fallen prey to another one of the president’s dastardly bipartisan schemes. He has accepted an invitation to attend some sort of “fiscal responsibility summit” next week. Oh noes! Read more on Judd Gregg Lured To Sham ‘Fiscal Responsibility Summit,’ Where Doom Awaits…
  cartoon violence

Let’s Get Naked

By the Comics CurmudgeonHello, everyone! Did you miss Cartoon Violence, last Friday, when you were reading the Internets when you should have been celebrating the day after Thanksgiving by crushing innocent Wal-Mart temp workers to death? You were no doubt alone in the house as you sat in front of your computer screen, your Cheeto-stained fingers typing out the addresses of various porn sites, so you were probably naked. Because this week is a “work week” (for those of you who still have jobs), you’re probably not naked now. But guess who is naked! That’s right: various persons in cartoons! Read more on Let’s Get Naked…
  cartoon violence

Huzzah For The Apocalypse!

By the Comics Curmudgeon Hey everybody, are you enjoying the total implosion of late-stage capitalism? Are you watching your 401K lose digits by the day? Are you concerned that George W. Bush’s drunken meandering bullshit might not actually turn this thing around? Are you wondering, in other words, what the future post-apocalyptic meltdown will look like? Fortunately, there is an entire class of people whose job it is to imagine the most extreme scenarios, and depict them, through art, for us to look at in horror. I’m talking of course about political cartoonists! Join us for a guided tour of the hellscape, after the jump. Read more on Huzzah For The Apocalypse!…
  cartoon violence

Cartoon Cheers And Smears!

By the Comics CurmudgeonBarack Obama’s campaign team has the right idea when it comes to combating “smears” from his nefarious opponents! We’ve no business offering suggestions to the people who vanquished Team Clinton, but perhaps that Web page could have been even better if it featured whimsical drawings that illustrate the smear-truth dichotomy. That’s right, we’re talking about cartoons! Check ’em out, after the jump. Read more on Cartoon Cheers And Smears!…
 

Cartoon Violence Just Wants Us All To Get Along

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons. Welcome to our new confusing, post-Super Tuesday world! Since Republicans are good at falling into line once the true alpha male is revealed, they seem to have their plan figured out, while the Democrats, with their rampant overthinking and argumentativeness, are beginning to realize that they’ll be processing about who should get the nomination for months and months and months. Is there an alternative to Howard Dean choosing a name out of a hat? As ever, our political cartoonists are here to help. The white lady or the black fellow? Find out how we can pick, after the jump. Read more on Cartoon Violence Just Wants Us All To Get Along…