Tag Archives: cancer

  Also pro-lifey

Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts

It'll just screw you harder
Now that the “pro-life” Republicans of Texas have saved women from access to abortion, for their own safety, by shutting down almost all of the state’s clinics, they’re ready to solve the next problem: too much access to cancer screenings. Read more on Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts…
  When you lie upon a star...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer

Extree! Extree! Step right up for your weekly dose of flim-flam and phooey, your beloved Snake Oil Bulletin! For today’s edition, we have a few follow-ups to previous stories we’ve covered. So pull up a seat, pour yourself a heaping cup of coffee for your enema, and let’s dive right into today’s selection with the return of Belle Gibson. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer…
  Now with 50% more con artists!

Snake Oil Bulletin: Health Guru ‘Cures’ Cancer With Diet And Detox (And Not Having Cancer)

Salutations, Sailors! Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your premium blend of all the latest and greatest in quackery, hackery, and general chicanery. We’ve got a full schedule ahead of us, so let’s nose dive right in to it with some cancer woo. Read more on Snake Oil Bulletin: Health Guru ‘Cures’ Cancer With Diet And Detox (And Not Having Cancer)…
  Toxic Sludge Is Good For You; I'm Just Not Thirsty

Monsanto Fanboy: Weed Killer Safe Enough To Drink. F*ck No, I Won’t Drink It. (Updated)

Je ne suis certainement un énorme trou du cul, mais je ne suis pas stupide
Updated: see end of post. So here’s a thing of beauty: Chemical industry lobbyist apologist Patrick Moore wants to assure the world there is absolutely no truth to the pernicious assertions that glyphosate, the active ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup herbicide, is harmful to humans. In an interview for a documentary on French television station Canal +, Moore denies that glyphosate has led to increased cancer rates in Argentina, because such a thing is simply UNPOSSIBLE. How safe is the stuff? Just watch! (Don’t be askeered by the French subtitles; the interview is in English.) Read more on Monsanto Fanboy: Weed Killer Safe Enough To Drink. F*ck No, I Won’t Drink It. (Updated)…
  You See Us Together Chasing The Moonlight My Cinnamon Girl

Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)

Definitely Not Nuts AT ALL
Like Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee is going to tell you a few secrets that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know. No, seriously! That’s how he’s making money these days, and it’s all because he wants to be president and definitely not because Huck knows a good grift when he sees one. The New York Times explains how Huckabee is using this one weird trick to cure diabetes, cancer, and other illnesses all the way to the goddamn bank. Read more on Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)…
  Always knew these guys caused cancer

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo

Your cancer is in another castle!
Greetings, pals! I see you’ve returned for another edition of the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly round-up of the worst — just the absolute worst — in poppycock to promulgate throughout this vast interweb of ours. Let’s waste no time by diving headlong into the world of cancer quackery. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo…
  Baking soda has so many uses!

Idiot Nevada Rep Lady Will Wash That Cancer Right Outta Your Hair

We have absolutely no patience for dumb people who have special braindead ideas about how to cure cancer or AIDS or stubbed toes or anything else, so let us throw to the wolves (YOU, rabid Wonkette commenters!) Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, because she is a dumb dick, if there ever was a template for “dumb dick,” like if Mavis Beacon was trying to teach you how to type “dumb dick,” it would involve typing the letters of Fiore’s name over and over until you get it right, KEEP PRACTICING, YOU WILL GET IT: Read more on Idiot Nevada Rep Lady Will Wash That Cancer Right Outta Your Hair…
  Making a Killing

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Bleach Enemas ‘n Cream

Fresh out of butt jokes this week.
Howdy-doo, folks! Welcome back to your weekly round-up of the internet’s best in nonsensical nonsense, The Snake Oil Bulletin. This week’s selection will be injected straight up your keister by none other than your favorite salesman, Fare la Volpe, Chakra Wizard and “Doctor” of Chiropractic Surgery. Let’s dive right in to it, or right up it as the case may be. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Bleach Enemas ‘n Cream…
  Happiness Is A Warm Blog

We Explain How To Not Kill Yourself On Your Birthday Watching Rick Santorum’s Hobby Lobby Movie

Happy Nice Time People is many things — fun, funny, dark, weird, fascinating, light, sassy, fluffy — but most of all it is not afraid to be servicey. Thus, we sometimes delve into the world of mental health, as we did today. And also we talked about the United States exiting The Foreignball Cup, and stuff. Read on and enjoy! Read more on We Explain How To Not Kill Yourself On Your Birthday Watching Rick Santorum’s Hobby Lobby Movie…
  please do not stimulate the turtle

Surprise, Mitch McConnell Taking Credit For Jobs Created By Stimulus He Hates

Not that anyone will be knocked over with this particular feather, but let’s give a little cheer to Mitch McConnell for this bit of chootspah: “Five years later, the stimulus is no success to celebrate,” said the embattled Republican to the Associated Press, “It is a tragedy to lament.”* Of course, that tragic spending halted and reversed the economy’s slide toward another Great Depression, but since it didn’t immediately result in everyone getting rich, that detail can be ignored and we can write a nice obituary for Keynesian economics, and while we’re at it maybe elect Mitt Romney because he would have let GM go bankrupt. Heck, maybe he could still do it, yay! Also, too, Obamacare is a very bad thing because the government has no business interfering in your healthcare, except maybe when Mitch McConnell wants to run an ad calling attention to a helpful government health program he helped pass in the ’90s, because it helps people. Read more on Surprise, Mitch McConnell Taking Credit For Jobs Created By Stimulus He Hates…
  no jenny mccarthy you can't comment either

Deleted Comments Of The Day: If You Love Vaccines So Much, Wonket, Why Don’t You Go Put Some On Your Ice Cream?

Who’d have ever guessed that a post about Alex Jones shouting like a moron would draw nutty comments? Would-be commenter “Aleksiev1″ was especially unhappy that we mocked Mr. Jones’ assertion that immunizations are full of cancer viruses, to do eugenics. Our skepticism did not sit well with Aleksiev1! If there are no cancer viruses in the vaccines, I dare each one of you who think that to go and get vaccinated right now. Stop living in lalaland and research all this things by yourself and you’ll see it’s true. Damn, guess he’s got us there. We only vaccinated our kid, and get a flu vaccine every year. But otherwise, we are such cowards that we never run out and say, “Hey, how about a vaccine today? Anything you got.” Also, kudos to Aleksiev1 for the “go research this yourself and you’ll see,” which is really rather touching in its apparent certainty that anyone who simply takes the time to read up on vaccines at Infowars will be struck with the blinding light of TRVTH. Aleksiev1 followed this up with an angry dismissal of Wonket’s integrity: “All of you guys are in denial because either 1 you’re all wimps, or you’re just plain evil.” And there you have an Alex Jones fan: Too angry or dumb to remember they were counting to “two.” Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: If You Love Vaccines So Much, Wonket, Why Don’t You Go Put Some On Your Ice Cream?…
  charm offensive

Harry Reid Won’t Negotiate, Won’t Cure Childhood Cancer, Won’t Quit Being Awesome

So far this has been a week of shaking our heads at flop-sweating Republicans twisting themselves into rhetorical pretzels as they try to explain why this government shutdown that is very obviously their fault is not actually their fault. Meanwhile, the conservative press has been laboring dutifully to record any equivalent cringe-worthy word salad from Democrats, and it looks like the Washington Free Beacon has got a live one! Here’s Harry Reid telling Dana Bash to tell all the cancer kids to go Cheney themselves after Bash asked a question about a standalone bill to fund the National Institute of Health: BASH: But if you can help one child who has cancer, why wouldn’t you do it? REID: Why would we want to do that? I have 1,100 people at Nellis Air Force base that are sitting home. They have a few problems of their own. This is — to have someone of your intelligence to suggest such a thing maybe means you’re irresponsible and reckless – BASH: I’m just asking a question. Aw, Harry Reid made Dana Bash blush with his ornery badgering charm. But really — why would Harry Reid want to do that? Do kids vote? Do kids make political contributions? C’mon, Dana, this ain’t your first rodeo. But does she have a GOTCHA? Would you believe NOT AT ALL, because LIE OF OMISSION? POLITICO, make yourself useful: Read more on Harry Reid Won’t Negotiate, Won’t Cure Childhood Cancer, Won’t Quit Being Awesome…
  male-pattern dumbness

Fox: Why Are Women So Greedy, With Their Breast And Ovarian Cancer Costing Men All This Money?

Hey ladies! Have you met Fox medical expert Dr. David Samadi? He is here to sexplain to us all that Obamacare is VERY STUPID to mandate that women and men be charged the same for insurance, because of how the women have the breasts and the ovaries, and they are just bogarting all the medical care, and why should the douchey one, Brian Kilmeade, be forced to pay for Gretchen Carlson’s dumb old cooter just because she is addicted to going to the doctor and getting pap smears and not dying of ovarian cancer? Man, women love going to the doctor like they love buying SHOES, amirite? Gretchen Carlson, you are a greedy slut. Read more on Fox: Why Are Women So Greedy, With Their Breast And Ovarian Cancer Costing Men All This Money?…
  hot pixxx

Bipartisan Nice Time: Here Is Bald George H.W. Bush, Holding This Bad-Ass Baby With Cancer

George H.W. Bush and his entire security detail shaved their heads in solidarity with Patrick, the two-year-old son of another Secret Service dude. That is silly! The baby does not know he is bald! He was probably bald until quite recently anyway! But it is still Nice Time, so cool it, us. Read more on Bipartisan Nice Time: Here Is Bald George H.W. Bush, Holding This Bad-Ass Baby With Cancer…
  take a chicken to the doctor

Time Magazine Helpfully Explains Why A Quick Visit To The ER Costs As Much As A Semester At Harvard

Your Wonkette had to go to the hospital about a year ago for a two hour long procedure. We had a good friend come pick us up, and as we left, she indicated a desire to take the brown paper bag of basic first aid supplies that the doctor had left for us to bring home for after care. DO NOT TAKE THE BROWN PAPER BAG, we yelled. DO NOT TAKE IT! But our friend was worried, so she took the brown paper bag anyway, and we were charged $20 for a bunch of gauze and a couple Tylenol. Whatever, this was small potatoes, since the entire bill was over $2500 for this two hour procedure, and it was tough to get particularly excited over $20, but still, it was the principle of the thing! And in the grand scheme of it all, we got off easy! $2500 for a two hour procedure? And we got to pay for it a month or two later, after it was all over? Pfft, we had hit the jackpot! Here, let Time magazine tell you about all the ways you could suffer at the hands of our corrupt health care system: Read more on Time Magazine Helpfully Explains Why A Quick Visit To The ER Costs As Much As A Semester At Harvard…
  lucky duckies

Socialized ER Care Is Such A Sweet Deal, Unless You Have Ball Cancer

Isn’t it wonderful to live in the land of socialized health care, where You People can all go to the ER of our local hospitals and receive medical services that everyone else pays for? As Mitt pointed out, “If someone has a heart attack, they don’t sit in their apartment and die. We pick them up in an ambulance and take them to the hospital and give them care.” And indeed we do! But what if that same uninsured or underinsured Someone has, say, testicular cancer? Do we pick him up in an ambulance and take him to the hospital and give him care? No. We do not. We tell him that we won’t treat him, but that it’s “urgent” he get care. Read more on Socialized ER Care Is Such A Sweet Deal, Unless You Have Ball Cancer…
  crazy old men

GOP Congressional Hopeful, Star Trek Fan, Thinks People No Longer Die of Breast Cancer or ‘Some Other Things’

Last Thursday (otherwise known as The Day Justice Roberts Killed Freedom) marked the beginning of what will hopefully be a long-lasting trend in American politics, namely, politicians, pundits, and aspiring politicians saying what they think, in public, to reporters or on the air. For example, did you know that this isn’t Europe, which means that we do not care about Poors or the middle class? Or that providing health insurance to people who would otherwise die is just like stealing (*cough* oxycontin *cough*?) from Rush Limbaugh’s mansion? Now it’s Congressional hopeful Chris Collins’ turn, and not only does he seem to be a Trekkie, he ALSO seems to think that people do not die of certain kinds of cancers any more! Ready? READY?? Read more on GOP Congressional Hopeful, Star Trek Fan, Thinks People No Longer Die of Breast Cancer or ‘Some Other Things’…
  nothing to worry about!

TSA Now Testing Radiation Levels of TSA Airport Security Workers

How safe are those “backskatter” radiation machines, again? Completely safe, of course! But the Department of Homeland Security is just going to do a little check-and-see, just in case thousands and thousands of TSA airport security workers are about to be diagnosed with terrible cancers that will result, we assume, in the biggest lawsuit in history. Read more on TSA Now Testing Radiation Levels of TSA Airport Security Workers…
  avoid the noid

Least Cool Person In America, Herman Cain, Decides Smoking ‘Is Not Cool’

Herman Cain is a pumpkin-headed creepy narcissist businessman who likes to repeat single-digit numbers and say stupid things. For reasons he cannot begin to explain, this Washington lobbyist and shit-food merchant allowed the release of a “web commercial” that shows a dirty old man saying weird things about Herman Cain and then melodramatically smoking a cigarette while making masturbation faces. Is the whole thing a stunt meant to sow confusion and insanity because modern life is a meaningless series of spectacles meant to jarringly punctuate the many daily transitions of the helpless worker into a fraudulently empowered consumer? Perhaps. But in the America of 2011, the self-proclaimed political leaders like Cain (who has never even held political office) are as confused by their motives as those compelled to watch these audio-visual abortions on the nation’s billions of computer screens. In other words, Herman Cain was asked if his idiotic web video was meant to promote death from smoking, and Herman Cain said no, of course not, because smoking cigarettes “is not a cool thing to do.” Read more on Least Cool Person In America, Herman Cain, Decides Smoking ‘Is Not Cool’…