Tag Archives: cancer

  He Makes Us Mad. He makes Us Mean Mad

Ted Cruz Chooses Perfect Day To Be A Dick To Jimmy Carter

English lacks sufficient invective for this man
English lacks sufficient invective for this smug excuse for a human being. Sen. Ted Cruz, displaying the warmth and basic decency that have made him a legend among near-human beings, chose the day after former President Jimmy Carter announced that he has brain cancer to natter on about how terrible a president Carter was, but at least the man only had a single term before Ronald Reagan Saved America. Read more on Ted Cruz Chooses Perfect Day To Be A Dick To Jimmy Carter…
  So wasteful!

Fox News Jackass Greg Gutfeld Will Keep Fetuses In Wastebaskets Where They Belong

This is what Greg Gutfeld looks like when he thinks he just made a point.
This is what Greg Gutfeld looks like when he thinks he just made a point. Yr Wonkette, as you know, is a pro-life mommyblog. HEAR US OUT. We’re pro-life in the REAL, grown-up way, the one where abortion is legal, and women should have a right to do with their living bodies as they please, and we believe in doing all that we can to support living, breathing human beings. Also, fetal tissue research is VITAL to finding cures for cancer and developing vaccines and all sorts of other things. Heck, it’s so great that wingnut presidential candidate Ben Carson used to do it all the time! So, considering these facts, it’s very PRO-LIFE to support women in their choices to donate fetal tissue after abortions, so that tissue can be used to SAVE THE WORLD! Read more on Fox News Jackass Greg Gutfeld Will Keep Fetuses In Wastebaskets Where They Belong…
  Unless you are a boy or a transgender!

Nevada Rep. Michele Fiore Has Girl Parts On Her Nakedness Area, And So Should You!

STAY OFF HER NAKEDNESS AREA, YOU TRANSGENDERS.
STAY OFF HER NAKEDNESS AREA, YOU TRANSGENDERS. Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore is always reliable when you want a, shall we say, UNIQUE take on the events of the day. Like, remember that time she figured out how to end sex trafficking for all of time, by getting all the local pimps fixed? Well, she’s got balls on the brain again, specifically the transgender kind, because she’s real worried she’s going to go into the locker room at the gym someday and come face to face with a transgender lady what still has male parts, and she will have to look at a penis, and the penis-haver will have to look at her vagina, and there they will stand, staring at each others’ genitals, having completely forgotten to take a shower. Read more on Nevada Rep. Michele Fiore Has Girl Parts On Her Nakedness Area, And So Should You!…
  Nice time for the ladies

Whore It Up And Fight Cancer With This One Weird Trick!

Hint: It’s birth control We all of us know how great birth control is, right? Heck, even “pro-life” Catholic Chris Christie uses it when he bones Mrs. Christie in her hoo-ha, and yes, you’re welcome for that lovely mental image. Birth control is so sweet-love-makin’ great — for treating extra-ouchie ovaries, regulating cycles, or just having a whole bunch of slutty sexxx all the time, without popping out a thousand and one babies from our ho-holes, like we are some kind of freak reality TV show star — which is why 111 percent of us U.S. Lady-Americans have used birth control at some point since we started getting our monthlies. OK, fine, we are exaggerating slightly: It’s only 99 percent. Read more on Whore It Up And Fight Cancer With This One Weird Trick!…
  Also pro-lifey

Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts

It'll just screw you harder
Now that the “pro-life” Republicans of Texas have saved women from access to abortion, for their own safety, by shutting down almost all of the state’s clinics, they’re ready to solve the next problem: too much access to cancer screenings. Read more on Texas Doesn’t Care If You Have Cancer In Your Ladyparts…
  When you lie upon a star...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer

Extree! Extree! Step right up for your weekly dose of flim-flam and phooey, your beloved Snake Oil Bulletin! For today’s edition, we have a few follow-ups to previous stories we’ve covered. So pull up a seat, pour yourself a heaping cup of coffee for your enema, and let’s dive right into today’s selection with the return of Belle Gibson. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer…
  Now with 50% more con artists!

Snake Oil Bulletin: Health Guru ‘Cures’ Cancer With Diet And Detox (And Not Having Cancer)

Salutations, Sailors! Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your premium blend of all the latest and greatest in quackery, hackery, and general chicanery. We’ve got a full schedule ahead of us, so let’s nose dive right in to it with some cancer woo. Read more on Snake Oil Bulletin: Health Guru ‘Cures’ Cancer With Diet And Detox (And Not Having Cancer)…
  Toxic Sludge Is Good For You; I'm Just Not Thirsty

Monsanto Fanboy: Weed Killer Safe Enough To Drink. F*ck No, I Won’t Drink It. (Updated)

Je ne suis certainement un énorme trou du cul, mais je ne suis pas stupide
Updated: see end of post. So here’s a thing of beauty: Chemical industry lobbyist apologist Patrick Moore wants to assure the world there is absolutely no truth to the pernicious assertions that glyphosate, the active ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup herbicide, is harmful to humans. In an interview for a documentary on French television station Canal +, Moore denies that glyphosate has led to increased cancer rates in Argentina, because such a thing is simply UNPOSSIBLE. How safe is the stuff? Just watch! (Don’t be askeered by the French subtitles; the interview is in English.) Read more on Monsanto Fanboy: Weed Killer Safe Enough To Drink. F*ck No, I Won’t Drink It. (Updated)…
  You See Us Together Chasing The Moonlight My Cinnamon Girl

Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)

Definitely Not Nuts AT ALL
Like Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee is going to tell you a few secrets that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know. No, seriously! That’s how he’s making money these days, and it’s all because he wants to be president and definitely not because Huck knows a good grift when he sees one. The New York Times explains how Huckabee is using this one weird trick to cure diabetes, cancer, and other illnesses all the way to the goddamn bank. Read more on Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)…
  Always knew these guys caused cancer

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo

Your cancer is in another castle!
Greetings, pals! I see you’ve returned for another edition of the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly round-up of the worst — just the absolute worst — in poppycock to promulgate throughout this vast interweb of ours. Let’s waste no time by diving headlong into the world of cancer quackery. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo…
  Baking soda has so many uses!

Idiot Nevada Rep Lady Will Wash That Cancer Right Outta Your Hair

We have absolutely no patience for dumb people who have special braindead ideas about how to cure cancer or AIDS or stubbed toes or anything else, so let us throw to the wolves (YOU, rabid Wonkette commenters!) Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, because she is a dumb dick, if there ever was a template for “dumb dick,” like if Mavis Beacon was trying to teach you how to type “dumb dick,” it would involve typing the letters of Fiore’s name over and over until you get it right, KEEP PRACTICING, YOU WILL GET IT: Read more on Idiot Nevada Rep Lady Will Wash That Cancer Right Outta Your Hair…
  Making a Killing

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Bleach Enemas ‘n Cream

Fresh out of butt jokes this week.
Howdy-doo, folks! Welcome back to your weekly round-up of the internet’s best in nonsensical nonsense, The Snake Oil Bulletin. This week’s selection will be injected straight up your keister by none other than your favorite salesman, Fare la Volpe, Chakra Wizard and “Doctor” of Chiropractic Surgery. Let’s dive right in to it, or right up it as the case may be. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Bleach Enemas ‘n Cream…
  Happiness Is A Warm Blog

We Explain How To Not Kill Yourself On Your Birthday Watching Rick Santorum’s Hobby Lobby Movie

Happy Nice Time People is many things — fun, funny, dark, weird, fascinating, light, sassy, fluffy — but most of all it is not afraid to be servicey. Thus, we sometimes delve into the world of mental health, as we did today. And also we talked about the United States exiting The Foreignball Cup, and stuff. Read on and enjoy! Read more on We Explain How To Not Kill Yourself On Your Birthday Watching Rick Santorum’s Hobby Lobby Movie…
  please do not stimulate the turtle

Surprise, Mitch McConnell Taking Credit For Jobs Created By Stimulus He Hates

Not that anyone will be knocked over with this particular feather, but let’s give a little cheer to Mitch McConnell for this bit of chootspah: “Five years later, the stimulus is no success to celebrate,” said the embattled Republican to the Associated Press, “It is a tragedy to lament.”* Of course, that tragic spending halted and reversed the economy’s slide toward another Great Depression, but since it didn’t immediately result in everyone getting rich, that detail can be ignored and we can write a nice obituary for Keynesian economics, and while we’re at it maybe elect Mitt Romney because he would have let GM go bankrupt. Heck, maybe he could still do it, yay! Also, too, Obamacare is a very bad thing because the government has no business interfering in your healthcare, except maybe when Mitch McConnell wants to run an ad calling attention to a helpful government health program he helped pass in the ’90s, because it helps people. Read more on Surprise, Mitch McConnell Taking Credit For Jobs Created By Stimulus He Hates…
  no jenny mccarthy you can't comment either

Deleted Comments Of The Day: If You Love Vaccines So Much, Wonket, Why Don’t You Go Put Some On Your Ice Cream?

Who’d have ever guessed that a post about Alex Jones shouting like a moron would draw nutty comments? Would-be commenter “Aleksiev1” was especially unhappy that we mocked Mr. Jones’ assertion that immunizations are full of cancer viruses, to do eugenics. Our skepticism did not sit well with Aleksiev1! If there are no cancer viruses in the vaccines, I dare each one of you who think that to go and get vaccinated right now. Stop living in lalaland and research all this things by yourself and you’ll see it’s true. Damn, guess he’s got us there. We only vaccinated our kid, and get a flu vaccine every year. But otherwise, we are such cowards that we never run out and say, “Hey, how about a vaccine today? Anything you got.” Also, kudos to Aleksiev1 for the “go research this yourself and you’ll see,” which is really rather touching in its apparent certainty that anyone who simply takes the time to read up on vaccines at Infowars will be struck with the blinding light of TRVTH. Aleksiev1 followed this up with an angry dismissal of Wonket’s integrity: “All of you guys are in denial because either 1 you’re all wimps, or you’re just plain evil.” And there you have an Alex Jones fan: Too angry or dumb to remember they were counting to “two.” Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: If You Love Vaccines So Much, Wonket, Why Don’t You Go Put Some On Your Ice Cream?…