We will tread lightly here, lest we fall beneath the Malignant Eye of Denby, but: Christopher Dodd has early stage prostate cancer. The good news: if you had to have your pick of cancers, “early stage prostate” would probably be right up there on the list, as it is highly treatable and pretty much every human male, if he lives long enough, eventually gets prostate cancer anyway. So fear not, Connecticut! You will likely have a Senator Dodd for many years to come, particularly if you re-elect him. [Washington Post]

Yes, FINE, it’s absolutely gross and disgusting outside, but we’re proceeding as if it’s scorching hot and gay men are flocking to the Dupont Pool in Speedos like never before — exactly what should be happening in June. Looking for a great way to cool down on (what should be) this glorious, hot summer day? Check out Rita’s Italian Ice and Frozen Custard over in Adams Morgan, but note three important things before you go: the custard is really good, if you’re lactose intolerant your stomach will hurt after eating there, and even if you had cancer as a child, they won’t give you custard for free. MORE »

Sometimes it’s easy to forget how much time America’s leaders spend just farting around the House and Senate floor, talking COMPLETE NONSENSE. For example: this Indiana loon recently felt compelled to follow up on some other congressperson’s important comparison between lettuce and tobacco, while he could have been doing something really important for his state, like Twittering about how lettuce kills people. [C-SPAN]

Hooray! (PSST HOW AMBIGUOUS IS THE TERM “REMISSION”??): “Sen. Edward Kennedy’s brain cancer is in remission and the Massachusetts Democrat is expected back in the Senate after the Memorial Day recess, according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Sen. Reid (D-Nev.) said Tuesday that he spoke with Kennedy’s wife and was told the 77-year-old lawmaker will return to work full time during the first week of June.” Just in time for Socialized Health Care! But what if Harry Reid is lying? [The Hill]

Kentucky! One of the comical idiot Republican senators of the “Bluegrass State” is a stupid old prick who once played baseball in, who knows, the pre-Civil War era? For Kentucky’s special people, this is considered an “Ivy League” education in politics. But America’s worst, dumbest senator, Jim Bunning, barely kept his seat in 2004 — the year George W. Bush Jr. actually won the presidential election. Anyway Bunning, 77, said Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is about to die, because she is two years younger than he is, and she was successfully treated for early-stage pancreatic cancer and was back to work at SCOTUS today. Bunning finally apologized, just now. What a dick. [AP/Yahoo]

• RUTH BADER GINSBERG HAS CANCERS!: Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which kills about 95% of people. But! Her cancer was detected as early as possible, giving her a pretty good shot of living another 75 years. Treatment, however, will still be a terrible pain in the ass. Ginsberg also had cancer in 1999, in her colon, which also usually kills people. She is so tough. [AP]

David Brooks is an actual MAD MAN! This is what he wrote last Friday in his farty little column: “Palin held up her end of an energetic debate that gave voters a direct look at two competing philosophies. She established debating parity with Joe Biden. And in a country that is furious with Washington, she presented herself as a radical alternative.” So in love! But now he’s 180ed again after realizing that the “radical alternative” she presented herself as was just a filthy malignant tumor — he called her “cancer,” ha ha ha, WHAT? MORE »

Every white male in politics over the age of 50 has some awful illness, according to various rumors on the Internet. Joe Biden had two aneurysms operated on 20 years ago, so obviously he is due for another so that he can step down and Hillary Clinton can be Barack Obama’s vice president. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton’s thumb was shaking on various evening talk shows this week, so he’s about dead. Probably Parkinson’s. MORE »

Oh no! Our greatest President, George Bush Jr., is DYING of SKIN CANCER on his DUMB FAT FOREHEAD — YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW PEOPLE: “WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush underwent treatment for a benign lesion over the weekend, leaving a noticeable scab on his forehead as he went about his business on Tuesday.” Benign? Ha, wrong! Nothing about this man is benign, he is a filthy sticky pad of cancer: “Bush has had lesions removed before: two noncancerous moles from his left temple in 2007, a precancerous lesion on his left arm in 2006, a noncancerous skin growth on his neck in July 2005, small lesions from his left shoulder and face in 2004, and others from his face in December 2001.” George Bush has been dead since 2001 and no one knew, not even the MSM, this is terrible & we should bomb someone (Rumsfeld). [AP]

JOHN McCAIN ONE-THIRD DEAD ALREADY: “There is a roughly 1 in 3 chance that a 72-year-old man will not reach the age of 80, which is how old McCain would be at the end of a second presidential term. And that doesn’t factor in individual medical history, such as McCain’s battles with potentially lethal skin cancer.” This is why it’s so important to get him elected as quickly as possible, before pieces start falling off. [Politico]

Oh, here’s John McCain in his yard, in Arizona, where he is personally pumping six gallons of crude per day to end our Dangerous Dependence on Arabs and Venezuelans. But it’s hard work, out in the sun, which is why McCain also spent the day shilling for one of his other corporate interests, Big Dermatology. MORE »