Look what you’re missing on the Tucker Carlson Show! Not much, to be sure, but we need to keep up with the Conservative Media Personalities to see what they know about Cheney’s new “moon base” which is being installed by Halliburton to goad the Space Monsters into a war so we can take all the natural resources from the gas giant Bespin. The ex-Canadian assistant space police guy under Pierre Trudeau is saying this, so it’s probably pretty much true. Also, Tucker supports bombing innocent E.T. babies with depleted plutonium, and he has patriotically assaulted many older gay aliens in the Mos Eisley cantina.

Bush Plans Defence Stance Against Aliens [YouTube]

After the GOP debate the other night, Post political correspondent Dan Balz admitted that he has no clue who the Prime Minister of Canada is. Come on, Dan! That’s an easy one! It’s Stephen Stills. No, wait, the other one — Neil Young. Right? [ETP]

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, not content with merely changing what time it is, gives half of Canada to the US for some reason. [Free Ride]

Now that their “dollar” is no longer worth less than a real dollar (but they still have to pay more for our hardcover books, suckers!), the Canadians are getting uppity. The October cover of their cute “political magazine” Maclean’s portrays our President as a distinguished gay British army general Saddam Hussein. Shocking! And kinda funny! Look, they gave him a mustache! Spy probably did this already but do Canadians know what Spy is? It seems like they might not have enough bloggers. Also our northern neighbors are praying for poor Britney Spears.

How George Bush Became the New Saddam [Maclean's]

Against the Canadian dollar, currency of the largest United States trading partner, the dollar tumbled to one-to-one, a level not seen since the 1976, the early phase of a currency crisis that would eventually send shock waves through the world economy. [NYT]

When Bush was in Canada selling America to Mexico earlier this week, Canadian labor unions protested the secret negotiations between the three countries’ leaders. And whenever there’s a big political protest, there are cops in disguise — usually as “anarchists” — trying to start shit so that the uniformed cops can smash skulls and shoot their water cannons and rubber bullets and tear-gas cannisters at the real protesters who were just peacefully protesting. What was interesting about this week’s agents provocateurs is that they got caught on video and the video was immediately seen by hundreds of thousands of people all around the world and for possibly the first time ever, a police department has been shamed into admitting that it plants disguised cops in protest crowds to stir up shit. MORE »

Apparently, the secret Security and Prosperity Partnership of North America meeting up in Canada is ending not with the sale of our children to Mexico, but rather with a hilarious world leader switcharoo.

Batting 1 For 3 With MSNBC [MSNC]

The leaders of Canada, Mexico and the United States are having secret meetings in a sinister Canadian castle today that will mean the End of the United States, finally, sources said. MORE »

Obama, still totally into meeting with dictators, promises to “immediately call… the president of Canada.” Then he’ll set up a video conference with the Pope of Greenwich Village and Norton I, Emperor of the United States of America. [CNN]

A Louisiana stockbroker, enraged over changes to Canadian tax law, wrote to the Canadian finance minister that “I am going to cut your … throat … you can’t hide, I will find you” and “You have killed my business as a stockbroker … you have ruined my life and many of my clients life [sic] and I hear you think it is funny.” He was arrested and charged with two counts of “sending a threatening interstate communication”. Welcome to Canamerimexico, everybody! [The Globe and Mail]

As far as Texan conspiracy theorists go, we’re pretty sure that this girl is 1,000x cuter than, say, Alex Jones, so whatever she’s talking about could be true. But what is she going on about, anyway? There is apparently some kind of EU thing going on, and soon you Canadians will be wearing Mexican burqas or something. And while we would welcome a Canadian takeover of Washington, it’s probably kind of going to go the other way — and then we’ll all earn Mexican wages. It can’t be any worse than the current situation, right? MORE »