canada
Even Conservatives Are Liberal In The Greatest Place Ever, British Columbia
Imagine for a second a place where there are vibrant, diverse cities near majestic mountains and oceans and lakes, where the climate is temperate but never Arizona hot, where there is universal health care and gay marriage, where recreational marijuana use is effectively decriminalized because police are focused on actual crimes. Does this magical fairyland exist [...]
Why Won’t Canada Let This Michigan Man Just Cold Shoot People All The Time, For Whatever?
Walt Wawra has a problem. He went to Canada with his wife, and while they were there, two gentlemen approached them — in broad daylight! — and asked if they had been to the Stampede yet. When they did not answer, the men asked AGAIN. Why won’t Canada let Mr. Wawra shoot this clearly criminally [...]
Campaign Bus Boob Wheels Delight Canadian Countryside
It’s your Wonkette Wednesday Canadian Politics Roundup! Let’s see, what’s going on up there… ahh, this lady, Danielle Smith of Alberta’s “Wildrose” party, appears to have wheels for boobs as her bus art, instead of the typical flapjack-on-the-head graphic. “We’re getting it adjusted right now since it will be a distraction throughout the campaign,” a [...]
Tough Guy War Criminal Dick Cheney Terrified of Visiting Canada
Undead goblin king Dick Cheney dedicated his thousand year shadow reign of darkness to murdering and torturing the people of Iraq in order to make Dick Cheney feel safer, but it turns out he may have picked the wrong country. Dick Cheney now wishes he had bombed Canada, the only nation with citizens wicked enough [...]
Canada (Two Teenagers + Lego Man) Takes Over American Space Program
Things have not been going so well for America’s space program. We had a sad when we read about how the Obama Administration basically told Barack he could not have any exciting or inspirational “moon shot” programs, because everything had to go to Wall Street (heh heh). So not only did “moon shot”-style inspirational programs [...]
Introducing Liz, From Canada and Possibly Returning There Soon Forever
Oh hello! Now that you’ve witnessed me talking about other “people” for a day, it’s time for me to introduce myself. I’m Liz and I live in the curious town of Berkeley, California, among other things a retirement community for people who consider New York work and California reclining in the sun without a care [...]
Toronto Mayor Calls 911 In Panic After Comedian Tries To Interview Him
Well, now we’ve learned who the mayor of Toronto is! One “Rob Ford,” a hated geezer conservative tyrant according to the all-knowing “brief Google Search” who flew into profanity-laced hysterics on the phone with 911 dispatchers after a teevee comedian lady from a Canadian political parody show turned up in his driveway with her cameraperson [...]
Riot Cops Battle Protesters Trying To Strangle Dick Cheney
It’s pretty hot for September! Up in Vancouver, a kick-ass bunch of Canadian protesters rushed the doors of some private industrialists club/Satanic Secret Society and had a battle with the riot cops. A 51-year-old protester reportedly strangled a cop, in an apparent effort to get through the doors and strangle Dick Cheney — Cheney was [...]
Canada Shame Report: It’s Terrible Up North Now, Too
Good news, you Yankee slobs! The era of Canadian moral superiority is over, R.I.P., amen, etc. Has it not been adorable, for years, when we up in the icy hinterland would lay claim to some sort of intrinsic goodness that everyone just believed because, whenever necessary, we could holler about health care and gay marriage [...]
Justin Bieber Attacks U.S. Health Care Just Because It Bankrupts Sick People
Canadian prime minister Justin Bieber revealed to the Rolling Stone website that America sucks for all kinds of reasons, not the least of which is the nation’s barbaric “health care system” (The Greatest Health Care System In The World™). So when will Justin Bieber become an American Citizen?
‘Cold Air Mass From Canada’ Attacks America, Never Forget
A devious “cold air mass” from Canada floated across our unprotected border and then proceeded to drop giant snow-dumps all over our great nation yesterday, forcing most Americans to abandon their SUVs on the highway and hike to the nearest toll station, so that they could eat the tollbooth lady for nourishment. First “Bieber fever,” [...]
WikiLeaks Documents: Canada Doesn’t Trust U.S., Doesn’t Feel Loved By It
A trove of diplomatic cables, obtained by WikiLeaks and made available to a number of publications, disclose a perception by American diplomats that Canadians “always carry a chip on their shoulder” in part because of a feeling that their country “is condemned to always play ‘Robin’ to the U.S. ‘Batman.’ ” [...] It also noted [...]
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